In the Space of Desire
by Sonya
Summary: AU. UC. Destiny Lost, Part 2. When things begin to spiral out of control in Sunnydale, Buffy and Co. learn an important lesson... be careful what you wish for! [Cowritten w Erin]
1. Prologue

Destiny Lost   
  
#2: In the Space of Desire   
  
Authors: Sonya and Erin   
  
E-mail: sonyajeb@swbell.net OR carynsilver@yahoo.com   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Category: B/X, O/Other, AU, action/adventure, romance   
  
Summary: This is a sequel to our epic saga "In the Space of a Heartbeat," which is a story about what would happen if Buffy had never gotten the Slayer powers.   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy or any of the original characters or ideas from the show. They all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. All we own is our own creative genius (unless that's too strong a word :) and any characters we make up.   
  
Distribution: Regulars... SURE!!! Newbies... ask and you shall recieve!   
  
Feedback: Love it! We want to know your likes AND dislikes. Flames are the only thing we do not accept.   
  
Spoilers: None much for the shows, but heavy spoilers for the earlier installments of this fanfic series!   
  
Author's Note: Any and all critism/comments are welcome! Feedback is always valued!!!!! We're mainly looking to see if this flows well and fits in nicely with "Halloween Incident" and ISOH. Continuality is important to us!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Prologue   
  
In her dreams she could walk, and she would take long strolls down the beach simply enjoying the salty sea air and the feeling of the wind blowing her long, chestnut tresses away from her face. It was a luxury that she didn't have in real life. So she had quickly learned to appreciate her dreams.   
  
She sighed as she walked, stopping to dig her toes into the warm, white sand. The foamy waves crashed against her ankles, tickling her feet as the wet sand ran down off of her toes and made its way in little trickles to the ground. This was heaven.   
  
A chill ran through her body as the wind blew past her again. She wrapped her arms around herself, instantly wishing that she thought to bring a jacket of some sort. Then strong arms circled her waist and she felt the heat of a body behind her as she was pulled back against a muscular chest. She sighed again, leaning into his embrace and resting her head on his shoulder. She ran her fingers up and down his arms lightly, and they tightened around her in response, one of his hands softly caressing her bare mid-drift and the other resting lightly on her hip. His fingers drew lazy circles on her tummy and she shivered, though not in response to the chilly night air.   
  
"Xander," she breathed, her voice sounding low and husky to her own ears.   
  
He gently turned her around, never letting his hands lose contact with her body, and faced her, smiling that crooked smile that she loved so much. His hands glided up her sides and stopped at her neck, softly stroking her throat. As he pulled her closer, her eyes drifted shut and she licked her lips nervously. She heard him chuckle as he traced a finger across her trembling lips. His warm breath tickled her cheek as his face slowly neared hers. Unable to wait a second longer, she let out a small growl and reached her hands up behind his neck, pulling his face down to hers. As their lips finally touched, she sighed, losing herself in his kisses. He tasted so sweet... like honey...   
  
The alarm clock next to the sleeping girl's bed began to blare obnoxiously loud country music and she jerked awake, smashing her hand down on the snooze button to silence the racket. Sonya moaned, running a hand over her sleep blurred eyes. Looking at the clock, she saw that it was almost 2:30 in the morning. "Damn it!" she groused, picking up her clock and giving it a glare. "I set this thing wrong AGAIN!"   
  
Sonya looked out the window. The sky was black as night, which made sense, since it was night. Sonya frowned, realizing that she was now wide awake. "I'm never gonna get back to sleep." Giving up on the idea of slumber, she pushed her covers back and sat up straight.   
  
As Sonya reached out and pulled her wheelchair closer to the bed, she sighed. She'd had the dream again. That was the fourth time this week. "Something is seriously wrong with you, girl," she muttered as she lifted herself into her wheelchair. "You SO need to get a life. Xander's with Buffy now. It's a lost cause."   
  
But try as she might, Sonya still couldn't get the feeling of his arms and his lips out of her mind. It might have only been in her dreams, but it had damn well felt real. As she sat in her chair and looked out the window at the sliver of moon that glimmered in the sky, Sonya wondered what Xander and Buffy were doing right now. A sense of longing passed through her, its surprising intensity leaving her trembling in its wake. She crossed her arms over her chest and slouched down in her chair frumpily. Life sucked. 


	2. Chapter 1

Destiny Lost   
  
#2: In the Space of Desire   
  
Authors: Sonya and Erin   
  
E-mail: sonyajeb@swbell.net OR carynsilver@yahoo.com   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Category: B/X, O/Other, AU, action/adventure, romance   
  
Summary: This is a sequel to our epic saga "In the Space of a Heartbeat," which is a story about what would happen if Buffy had never gotten the Slayer powers.   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy or any of the original characters or ideas from the show. They all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. All we own is our own creative genius (unless that's too strong a word :) and any characters we make up.   
  
Distribution: Regulars... SURE!!! Newbies... ask and you shall recieve!   
  
Feedback: Love it! We want to know your likes AND dislikes. Flames are the only thing we do not accept.   
  
Spoilers: None much for the shows, but heavy spoilers for the earlier installments of this fanfic series!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Part 1   
  
The Graveyard   
  
Thwack!   
  
The stake hit home with a satisfying thunk, and the vampire around it burst into a pile of dust that blew away on the sweet, nighttime breeze.   
  
Adrenaline still flowing, Buffy Summers grinned. "Gotcha!" She twirled her stake and tucked it back into the pocket of her jean jacket. She'd been the Slayer for almost a month now, but she still got a thrill every time she kicked vampire butt. It wasn't so long ago -- less than 2 years -- that the doctors hadn't been sure if she'd ever walk again. Proving them wrong had been a struggle, but a good one.   
  
The smile still curving her lips, she turned toward the tree behind her. It was a tall, crooked tree, ripe with hiding places. Perfect cover for a bad guy. But she knew who was hiding there now. As she watched, out stepped her boyfriend, Alexander Harris, one-time Pseudo-Slayer, one of Buffy's three trainers and the only person who could make her heart pound faster than the thrill of her newfound powers.   
  
"Hey," she said, stolling over to him with her most sexy walk. "How'd I do?"   
  
He smiled, walking toward her. "Not too bad, but you're still a little sloppy. You left some holes in your defenses. Just because this vamp was stupid, doesn't mean that the others you face will be."   
  
Buffy sighed. This was trainer-Xander, not boyfriend-Xander. But she knew that she still had a long way to go Slayer-wise before she was as good as her predecessor, Sonya Parker. Then again, Buffy was a determined girl.   
  
"What holes?" she asked, all business.   
  
She and Xander went through a re-enactment of the fight, him showing her where she'd gone wrong or forgotten some defensive strategy. Buffy listened to all the advice from one more experienced than she, but when Xander wanted to go through it a second time, she balked.   
  
"I know that the rules are important," Buffy said, her tone mildly irritated but softened by the smile that looking at Xander always brought to her face. "But what about instinct? What about that spur-of-the-moment knowledge that springs from your gut?" It was a conversation she'd had with Xander, Sonya and especially Rupert Giles, her Watcher, many times before.   
  
Xander shrugged. "There's something to be said for instinct and gut feelings, definitely. I'd be telling a lie if I said that relying on my instincts hadn't saved my life on more than one occasion during the past year. But there's more to being the Slayer than just instinct. You have to get the basics down first, Buffy. And once you have that, then instinct can come into play. I know I sound like a Giles-clone, but in order to be an effective Slayer you need to follow a orderly training process... which means basics first."   
  
Buffy frowned at his lecture, but she couldn't stay annoyed with him for long.   
  
Xander gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "You'll be fine. In fact, and don't let this go to your head, but you've been doing remarkably well lately. Even Sonya admitted that you definitely have what it takes."   
  
That remark provoked a smile from Buffy. It was hard living in the shadow of a former Slayer. Of course, transferring the powers to Buffy had been a necessity because of Sonya's accident, but the consequences of having an ex-Slayer still around with no powers made things sticky sometimes.   
  
As they walked back to his jeep, Xander got a mischevious glint in his eyes and added, "Though as far as I'm concerned, there was never any doubt about your slaying skills. After all, you are *my* girlfriend, so the way I figure it, some of my slaying brilliance must have rubbed off on you!"   
  
Buffy rolled her eyes, but her voice was teasing. "That's it. *Your* brilliance made me what I am today!" She moved her hand as if to slug him, but she moved it very slowly.   
  
Xander grinned, easily avoiding the punch she aimed at his shoulder. "You know, you're cute when you're angry," he told her. Then he leaned in and gave her a lingering kiss on the lips. "Have I told you lately how incredible you are?"   
  
Words like that melted Buffy's heart every time. He opened the door of the jeep for her, and she hopped up onto the seet. Before he could move away, Buffy grabbed his shirt collar in a playful-yet-firm grip and pulled him in close for a kiss. Her heart pounded, as it always did at the touch of his lips, and she gave herself up to the sensation. Then, remembering they were outside and vulnerable, she let him go.   
  
"No," she said, finally answering his question, "but how was that for instinctive?"   
  
"Uh..." Xander, who was still reeling from the powerful kiss Buffy had given him, stumbled over his words. "Yeah... I'd say that was... er... what were we talking about again?"   
  
Buffy shrugged. "It doesn't matter." Her eyes landed on her watch and she gasped. "It's almost 3 o'clock in the morning! I've got to get home. I don't want Mom to know I snuck out the window. She's been cool about extra-late weekend nights, but she puts her foot down about school nights."   
  
"Never fear, m'lady!" Xander cried, running around the jeep and hopping into the passenger side. "I wilt get thee home beforest thy mother dearest awakens."   
  
A laugh bubbled out of Buffy's throat. "That's what I love about you, Xand. You're a knight in shining armor until the end."   
  
He gave her puppy dog eyes as they pulled away from the cemetary. The jeep was the only vehicle on the road at this late hour. "That's the only thing you love about me?"   
  
She pretended to consider. "Well, you do get points for stellar kissing ability, and for having the intelligence to ask me out..."   
  
"And for not bowing to the 'wisdom' of my superiors when they ordered me to dump you," Xander added.   
  
"That goes without saying," Buffy agreed, hoping to move on from that topic. Xander had forgiven Giles and Sonya for those 'orders,' and for the most part Buffy had, too... But sometimes it just made her a little angry to think about it. She shoved the thought out of her mind, as usual, and changed the subject.   
  
"Well, what do you love about me?" she challenged, green eyes flickering with mischief.   
  
"Hmmm..." Xander scratched his head. "There's your un-earthly beauty for one thing."   
  
"Oh, that old line," Buffy scoffed playfully, thought the compliment really warmed her heart. And she knew that he knew she felt that way by his answering grin.   
  
Xander continued, "And there's your witty reparte, your skill with a stake... and you're no slouch in the smoochies department either."   
  
She laughed again, and then realized they were a block away from her house. "Stop here," she ordered. "That way the sound of your car stopping won't wake Mom up." Pulling over, Xander let the motor idle while Buffy hopped out of the jeep. "Thanks for the ride," she said, grabbing her backpack of weapons.   
  
"No problem. I'll save you anytime. You're my damsel of choice."   
  
Charmed by his cuteness, Buffy leaned in for one more kiss, then she began jogging toward her house. He waited until she vanished into the backyard of the house right behind hers before pulling away again.   
  
His words echoed in Buffy's mind as she ran. "You're my damsel of choice." They brought to mind the second time she'd met Xander -- the time he saved her from a vamp named Linus outside the Bronze. That had been two nights before Willow and Spike's failed scheme to kill them all resulted in the burning down of the popular night spot. Buffy still missed the Bronze.   
  
But she also worried about Xander's remark. It had seemed so off the cuff, but it hit home to her. Xander had liked saving her, being the big, strong, manly man. They'd never talked about it since the spell that gave her the Slayer powers, but now she generally didn't need saving any more -- or she needed it less and less as her training progressed. Of course, there were still times he could help her -- training for example -- but it was a different kind of helping. Not the "strong man saves pretty damsel" type of thing. And didn't men generally have a complex about that sort of thing? Buffy could remember seeing many a sitcom based on the premise that the husband was jealous that his wife made more money, or had a better job or some such thing...   
  
Vaulting over the neighbor's fence, Buffy landed in her own backyard and made quick work of climbing into her window. Everything was just as she'd left it -- pillows plumped to look like a sleeping form just in case her mother peeked in, clothes scattered on the floor, the lights off, the door closed, no Mom waiting in the chair by her bed to demand an explaination.   
  
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief at one more night un-caught, though she knew her luck couldn't last forever. Then she changed into a pink nightgown and crawled into bed amongst her pillows. Pushing any unpleasant thoughts away, she focused instead on Xander's sweet smile and his fiery kisses and fell asleep with a beautific smile on her face.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Later that morning, Sonya heard Giles puttering around in the kitchen and plastered a friendly smile on her face, moving her wheelchair in that direction. But the smile didn't reach her eyes. It hadn't in a long time, actually. Lately, it seemed like there just wasn't much cause to smile anymore. As Sonya entered the kitchen and mumbled something in answer to Giles' cheerful "How did you sleep?" she looked down at her legs -- legs that hadn't felt anything in over a year -- and started to get royally depressed.   
  
Suddenly, the phone rang, startling her out of her thoughts. Giles picked it up and listened to the person on the other end before smiling briefly at Sonya. "It's for you."   
  
Sonya took the cordless phone from him and held it to her ear, saying, "Hello?"   
  
"Hey, it's me."   
  
Sonya grinned, the first real smile she'd had all morning. "Hi, Oz."   
  
"Hi yourself," he replied, making her smile wider. Cutting right to the chase -- he was never one for small-talk -- Oz asked, "Have you got a ride to school?"   
  
Sonya shook her head. "Actually, Xander's got his daily ritual with the Buffster and Giles needs to go to some faculty meeting this morning, so if I go with him, I have to go way too early."   
  
"Well, my van and I are at your service."   
  
"Thanks," Sonya replied warmly. "I really appreciate it, Oz."   
  
"I'll be at your front door at 7:30, okay?"   
  
"Sure thing. I'll be ready."   
  
"Bye."   
  
"Bye, Oz." Sonya handed the phone back to Giles and headed to her room to get ready for school. As she dressed, she wondered what interesting things would happen at school today. With friends like hers, one never could tell. 


	3. Chapter 2

Destiny Lost   
  
#2: In the Space of Desire   
  
Authors: Sonya and Erin   
  
E-mail: sonyajeb@swbell.net OR carynsilver@yahoo.com   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Category: B/X, O/Other, AU, action/adventure, romance   
  
Summary: This is a sequel to our epic saga "In the Space of a Heartbeat," which is a story about what would happen if Buffy had never gotten the Slayer powers.   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy or any of the original characters or ideas from the show. They all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. All we own is our own creative genius (unless that's too strong a word :) and any characters we make up.   
  
Distribution: Regulars... SURE!!! Newbies... ask and you shall recieve!   
  
Feedback: Love it! We want to know your likes AND dislikes. Flames are the only thing we do not accept.   
  
Spoilers: None much for the shows, but heavy spoilers for the earlier installments of this fanfic series!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Chapter Two   
  
Sunnydale High School   
  
Xander ran across the quad and up the school building's front steps, barreling through groups of students without even stopping to apologize. He burst through the front doors and took off down the hallway, weaving back and forth between the kids clogging the halls with practiced ease, making a bee-line for the library.   
  
"Hey, watch it, you jerk!" Cordelia snapped as he ran past, bumping her on the shoulder and sending her books flying in every direction. "Those morons," she muttered as she bent down to pick up her things. "Can't even watch where they're going!" A couple of her 'Cordettes' nodded in agreement and mumbled a few sympathetic words to console the Ice Queen.   
  
However, Xander paid them no heed, he had more important matters on his mind. Namely, finding Giles and Sonya so that he could tell them his news.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Giles hadn't heard any of the long, boring faculty meeting. Snyder had been ranting about something, but Giles couldn't even remember what. There was too much on his mind, and no one to confide it in.   
  
He walked into the library, and was relieved to find it empty for once. Absently, he hoped that the teenagers were enjoying a training-free morning. He would have to work them that much harder after school. The Hellmouth never let up.   
  
Closing the door to his office, Giles walked toward his desk. An innocent-looking letter with an international postmark drew his eye. Every time he looked at it, he felt what he hoped wasn't an ulcer gurgle painfully in his stomach.   
  
Not for the first time, Giles wished that things had been different. He loved Sonya like a daughter -- though admitting it could have serious consequences -- and he would not trade her life for ease in his own. But now that the year-long masquerade was over, it looked like Giles was going to have to pay. He hadn't told Buffy, Xander, or especially Sonya -- and he hoped he wouldn't have to. Sonya's emotional plateau hadn't completely leveled yet. Giles didn't want to upset her even more while she dealt with her new circumstances. And Buffy and Xander were doing so well lately in their training -- worrying them would serve no purpose, either.   
  
He reached out and picked up the letter, removing a single sheet of expensive paper from the envelope. The seal of the Watchers Council was embossed at the top in gold. His eyes went over the typed words, though he already knew them by heart.   
  
Mr. Giles,   
  
Thank you for your report on the Slayer situation. Now that the problem has been brought to our attention, we can begin to take steps to rectify things.   
  
Continue training Miss Summers for the moment. Though our trust in you seems to have been misplaced, admittedly you are the only man familiar enough with life on the Hellmouth to do the job for the time being.   
  
A tribunal has been called two months from the date you get this letter. That should give you time to make arrangements to come to England. Miss Summers, Miss Parker and Mr. Harris are expected to come as well, for their futures must be dealt with.   
  
Please contact us if you have any difficulties. Aid will be dispatched immediately.   
  
Sincerely,   
  
Marcus Whiteman III Attaché to the Watcher Proconsul   
  
A tribunal had not been called among the ranks of the Watchers for as long as Giles could remember. The language of the letter was all politeness, but Giles could read between the lines. To put it in American teenage lingo -- the Watchers were pissed; pissed that he lied to them for so long, pissed that he'd allowed a non-Slayer to know his secrets, and worse, to take on the duties of the Chosen One, and they were pissed that he'd arranged for someone to break into the Compound and steal the forbidden Essence-switching spell that had been under lock and key for who knew how many centuries. And Giles was the one who was going to pay.   
  
He wondered for a second about bringing the three young people to England, but there wasn't really another choice. He didn't think their lives would be in danger. Of course, Buffy would have to go. She would have to be tested and determined fit by a Watcher the Council trusted. Sonya didn't have the powers anymore, so the Council wouldn't need to kill her. The Council only advocated extreme measures for extreme situations. Most likely, they just wanted to make sure Sonya and Xander didn't pose a threat to the organization. He sighed and looked at the calendar. It had been only three days since he received the letter. That wasn't long to take care of his affairs here...   
  
"Giles! Hey, Giles! Where are you?"   
  
The yelling of his name and the banging of the library doors brought Giles out of his contemplation and into the main part of the library. He saw Xander looking around, fairly bouncing in excitement.   
  
"Is something wrong?" Giles asked, his mind jumping to the worst possibilities. It was daytime so it couldn't be a vampire threat...   
  
"No! Something's right! Very right! There aren't words enough to describe the rightness of this thing." Xander's eyes darted around the room. "Have you seen Sonya? I've got to tell her something."   
  
"No," Giles answered. "I haven't seen her since I left the apartment. Oz was to give her a ride this morning." He glanced at his watch. It was 7:45. "They'll probably be here shortly."   
  
Xander turned and ran for the doors. "I'm going to meet them in the parking lot!"   
  
"Wait!" Giles called. "What's all this about?"   
  
"I'll tell everyone at lunch today. We'll meet here, OK?" Without waiting for an answer, Xander was gone.   
  
Giles watched the doors swing shut with another sigh. He hoped that whatever the boy was babbling about was good. He needed some good news.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Sonya sat next to Oz in silence. She darted a quick glance at his profile. Never very talkative, he drove in silence, not even bobbing his head to the music coming over the radio. Used to Xander -- the boy who never shut up -- and Giles -- a man who could lecture for hours -- Sonya didn't know quite what to do with Oz.   
  
"So," she tried to fill the silence, "it was really cool of you to pick me up this morning."   
  
"No problem," Oz replied.   
  
"I just meant, you know, that you didn't have to," Sonya babbled.   
  
"I wanted to." That time he actually took his eyes off the road for a second and glanced at her.   
  
Sonya blushed with embarrassment, and turned to look out the window. Was it possible that Oz liked her *that* way? She hadn't ever considered the possibility. Then she pushed the thought away. What was the point? She was only half a person anyway. She wouldn't inflict that on anyone.   
  
When the van shuddered to a stop, Sonya looked around and realized they were in the school parking lot.   
  
"I'll get your chair." Oz jumped out of the van, and went around to get the chair out of the back. He brought it up and opened her door. Sonya unfastened her seatbelt, but there was no way she could get down by herself. The van was too high. She flushed with embarrassment as Oz lifted her down. He was surprisingly strong for a little guy. Before she was stuck in this chair, Sonya knew she was taller than him.   
  
"Thanks," she mumbled, finding it hard to look him in the eye. She hated being helped.   
  
"Anytime," Oz replied.   
  
"Hey, guys! Sonya! Oz!"   
  
Distracted from her confusing thoughts, Sonya looked up to see Xander running toward her, pulling Buffy by the arm. (Great) she thought (what better way to start the day than a dose of the lovebirds?) Xander skidded to a halt in front of them and finally let go of Buffy.   
  
"What's up?" Oz asked. Sonya thought she detected a gleam of curiosity in his eyes, but she could be mistaken.   
  
"Yeah," Buffy added, smiling at Xander, "you couldn't even wait for me to say goodbye to Mom before dragging me over here. It must be big!" The Slayer glanced over at Sonya, and her eyes clouded a little. "Good morning, Sonya."   
  
"Hey," Sonya said, acknowledging the greeting. Things between her and Buffy were so weird. On the one hand, Sonya really liked her. Buffy had come through for her many times since the girl had moved to Sunnydale -- both in things Hellmouthy and things makeup related. But Buffy was living what should be Sonya's life! She had Sonya's powers AND Xander. Thinking about that for too long just made Sonya crazy. She pushed it away, and tried to smile. She knew that Buffy knew, and that just made things weirder.   
  
Sonya turned to Xander in hopes of distracting them all from the weirdness. "What's up with you, Harris? You look like you just won the lottery."   
  
"I didn't win," Xander said, unable to keep a huge, goofy grin from his face, "but you did."   
  
"What are you talking about?" Sonya demanded.   
  
"I saw something on TV this morning. I was watching the news and..."   
  
"Wait a second, *you* were watching the news? Now I know something's wrong. You hate current events!" Sonya's tone was teasing, but the comment caused Buffy's smile to falter a little bit. A quick glance showed Sonya that the comment had hit home. Sonya knew Xander better than Buffy. No matter how much fooling around Buffy and Xander did in their spare time, Sonya had an edge in the length-of-friendship department.   
  
"OK, OK," Xander admitted sheepishly. "I was trying to watch Scooby Doo, and I put the TV on the wrong channel. But it was worth it!"   
  
"What did you see, Xander?" Buffy asked, trying to get the conversation to the point.   
  
"It was an interview with a Dr. Keller. He's an expert in experimental neurosurgery. He talked about this new technique he developed to restore nerve pathways in victims of paralysis. He's restored full function to thirty percent of his patients. And the best part is that he's relocating his practice here to Sunnydale!"   
  
Xander looked around to see how his revelation had been taken. Oz's expression was implacable, as usual. Buffy had a small smile on her gorgeous face. But Sonya's face was a thunder cloud. She stared at him for a moment and then turned her chair and started rolling away.   
  
"Wait!" Xander chased after her, catching her easily a few feet away from the other two teens. "What's wrong? You don't think that's exciting?"   
  
She looked up, and Xander was astonished to see tears running down her cheeks.   
  
"I can't believe you, Xander! You, of all people, should know how much I went through after the accident. You were right there with me! All those doctors who could never do anything -- and then all those witches and warlocks who made promises but never delivered! Do you think I want to go through that again? Get my hopes up only to have them dashed? Even Giles promised me he'd find a cure, but he didn't. All he found was a way for me to lose more of myself..." Her voice trailed off, as if she were afraid she'd said too much.   
  
Xander was speechless for a moment. He'd never thought about it from that angle before. He'd assumed that any hope was a good one. He looked down at the ground, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Sonya... I didn't think..."   
  
"That's right, you didn't." With that, Sonya wheeled herself away and into the school.   
  
Xander watched her go, wanting to follow, but not wanting to offend his friend. He knew that sometimes Sonya just needed her space.   
  
Buffy came up behind him and put a hand on his arm. "You all right?"   
  
"Yeah. That was really insensitive of me, huh?" Xander looked to her for admonishment and got a sympathetic look instead.   
  
"No, I don't think so." A smile flickered on her lips. "You were just trying to help. You meant well."   
  
"But she's right. Thirty percent... that's not a big chance at all. I shouldn't have even brought it up!"   
  
"Stop being so hard on yourself!" Buffy commanded. "You were just trying to be a good friend. And who knows, maybe she just needs time to get used to the idea."   
  
"Oh, no!" Xander extended his hands in a gesture of denial. "I'm not bringing the subject up to her again!"   
  
"Don't worry." Buffy looked into his eyes and for a second Xander gloried in their depths. He almost missed her next question. "Do you have the information written down?"   
  
"Huh? ... Uh ... yeah." Xander dug into his pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper with the doctor's name and the phone number. Buffy took it and slipped it into the pocket of her jeans. "What are you going to do?" he asked, a little worried.   
  
"Don't worry," Buffy said again. "I won't press the issue if she doesn't want me to..."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"You need to call this doctor, Sonya!" Buffy had cornered the girl in the bathroom and refused to let her leave.   
  
"It's none of your business!" Sonya yelled. "Now get out of my way!"   
  
"No!" Buffy said, reaching down and gripping the arms of her wheelchair. "You're not leaving until you hear me out."   
  
Sonya realized Buffy was serious and sat back in her chair. "Fine, I'll listen, but don't think you're going to change my mind."   
  
"Good." Buffy stepped back and pinned Sonya with her clear gaze. "Now, I think you should call this doctor and at least see what he has to say about your case. What can it hurt? Your pride? What's that worth? I think a chance at walking is worth more than pride. We'll get references. We'll check the guy out, and you'll go in for a consultation."   
  
"You just want me to do this because if I get my legs back you won't have to feel guilty about stealing my powers!" Sonya's gaze was as bitter as her words.   
  
Buffy flinched as if stung. Yes, she wanted Sonya to be whole again, and yes, she felt a little guilty about how things had turned out, but that wasn't the only reason she was pushing this.   
  
"Listen," Buffy said desperately, "do you know how many people thought I'd never walk again? There were plenty of them! But there were two people who never lost faith in me -- my mother, and Dr. Jenkins. Dr. Jenkins worked with me day in and day out for months after the accident, and I saw him every week after that until we moved here. I credit my recovery to him. Sure, shattered bones and shattered nerves are two different things, but I know how you feel stuck in that chair. And if there's even a one percent chance that you can get out, I say go for it! Find your Dr. Jenkins!"   
  
"And what if the answer is no again," Sonya bit out, "what then? My hopes are dashed all over the place one more time, and I have to deal with the added pain of one more door closing."   
  
"If you never open the door then it can't close on you, is that it?" Buffy asked. "Well, that's a stupid philosophy." She paused for a second, and then continued. "Try this. Don't open the door -- open the window. Just look through and see what this guy can do for other patients. Don't believe that he can help you until he tells you that himself." Buffy extended the slip of paper. "Take this. Call him. Make an appointment."   
  
Sonya stared at Buffy's hand for a moment, and then took the piece of paper in her own trembling fingers. She stuck it in her pocket. "I'm not promising to call," she said defensively.   
  
"Just think about it," Buffy urged, stepping aside to let Sonya pass. The girl wheeled herself out of the bathroom without another word, but Buffy felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe she would call... 


	4. Chapter 3

Destiny Lost   
  
#2: In the Space of Desire   
  
Authors: Sonya and Erin   
  
E-mail: sonyajeb@swbell.net OR carynsilver@yahoo.com   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Category: B/X, O/Other, AU, action/adventure, romance   
  
Summary: This is a sequel to our epic saga "In the Space of a Heartbeat," which is a story about what would happen if Buffy had never gotten the Slayer powers.   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy or any of the original characters or ideas from the show. They all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. All we own is our own creative genius (unless that's too strong a word :) and any characters we make up.   
  
Distribution: Regulars... SURE!!! Newbies... ask and you shall recieve!   
  
Feedback: Love it! We want to know your likes AND dislikes. Flames are the only thing we do not accept.   
  
Spoilers: None much for the shows, but heavy spoilers for the earlier installments of this fanfic series!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Chapter Three   
  
Sunnydale High School   
  
Sonya sat by the fountain during her morning break. She watched the water bubble and froth. She liked water. When Sonya was in the water, she felt almost whole again... almost like she could fly.   
  
"Hey."   
  
She looked up to see Oz standing there. "Hi, Oz. You always seem to be around lately."   
  
"I try." He sat down on the edge of the fountain's base. "You doin' any better?"   
  
Sonya sighed deeply. "I'm better wedged into my depression if that's what you mean."   
  
"Xander was only trying to help." Oz reached out to touch her arm. "But he didn't do it very well."   
  
"No." Sonya answered shortly. Then she turned on him. "What are you doing here anyway? Come to check up on me? I don't need a babysitter. I haven't tried to commit suicide in over a year. I'm not going to make that mistake again, all right?"   
  
"I never said you were." His arm froze in mid-reach and fell back to her side. "You need help, Sonya... help to face your pain."   
  
"What would you know about pain? You never feel anything." Sonya sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Why don't you just leave me alone?" she demanded, turning her chair away from him. "Why won't everyone just leave me alone..." Tears welled up in her eyes, but she angrily suppressed them.   
  
After a second she looked up, thinking that maybe she should apologize for being so mean. But Oz was gone -- just like she'd asked.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Xander and Buffy filled Giles in at lunch. Giles was relieved, to say the least. Not that he had much hope for this new "miracle" procedure, but it was a relief to know what was going on.   
  
"Why don't you... er... hop on the computer and look up this doctor fellow," the librarian suggested, his mind already moving on to other things.   
  
Buffy looked at Xander. "OK," she said. They walked over to the computer and pulled up a pair of chairs. Xander let her take control of the keyboard, so she used a search engine to find a medical data base. Then she typed in the name Xander gave her -- Dr. Nigel Keller. She hit enter.   
  
"Here we go," she said. Xander grinned.   
  
But the search came up empty. No hits.   
  
"What the... Maybe you spelled it wrong or put too many spaces or something." Xander took the keyboard from her and typed the name in again. It took a minute but this time something came up. He clicked on the link and found an article in the Sunnydale Tribune that explained exactly what Xander had seen on TV that morning.   
  
"There," he said triumphantly. "See, I knew we could find it."   
  
"This doesn't really tell us anything," Buffy replied doubtfully. "I mean, we need some records of his past practice and patients... medical journal articles or something."   
  
Xander squinted at the screen and moved the scroll bar down, skimming the article. A blue word at the bottom caught his attention. "Look, a link to Dr. Keller's homepage." Another click took them to a web page describing the man's practice, complete with links to his articles in prestigious medical journals.   
  
"Hmm," Buffy said, skimming one article. "Even with all the time I've spent around doctors, I can't make heads or tails of this stuff."   
  
"Well, you're not a neurosurgeon, are you?" Xander retorted.   
  
Buffy slugged him on the shoulder. "How rude!"   
  
"Ow." Xander pouted and rubbed the place where she'd hit him. "I think I'm gonna have a bruise."   
  
"Poor baby," Buffy said, all concern. "Want me to kiss it and make it better?"   
  
"Well..." There was a devilish glint in his brown eyes, but unfortunately the moment was interrupted.   
  
"Did you find anything useful?"   
  
The two amorous teens looked a bit guiltily at Giles. "Erm... yeah, we found his homepage." Xander gestured to the screen.   
  
Giles squinted at it, and the references of the medical journals. "Might I suggest you call the American Medical Association hotline. If it all checks out, we can tell Sonya this afternoon."   
  
"I'll call, but I'm not telling Sonya," Xander said.   
  
"Why not?"   
  
"She bit his head off earlier," Buffy explained.   
  
"What for?" Giles thought for a second and then added, "Never mind..."   
  
"Yeah," Buffy nodded, pleased at his quick understanding of the emotions of a teenaged girl. "Don't worry, guys. I'll tell her."   
  
"Great." Xander stood and gave her a kiss on the cheek which Buffy gladly returned. He then walked over toward the phone. "And I'll make the call."   
  
Buffy called out the numbers to him, and Xander punched them in. He waited, and when the operator came on, he made his request. He scribbled some information down on the pad next to the phone. When he hung up, he looked over at the others. "It all checks out. I've got his license information and everything."   
  
"Whose license?"   
  
He turned and saw Sonya wheeling herself into the library. He thought she looked a lot better than she had before, but he was still somewhat nervous about talking to her on this topic. "Umm... nothing."   
  
Buffy gave him a look for his cowardice, but Xander didn't care. His gaze said, "All yours!" Buffy looked at Sonya with what she hoped was a stern gaze, yet also friendly.   
  
"Dr. Keller's license. It all checks out. He's fully accredited and has lots of journal articles to his name... We all think you should call him." Her gesture encompassed herself, Xander and Giles. "But we don't want to force you..."   
  
"That's right!" Sonya snapped in her usual defensive tone. "You can't force me to do anything!"   
  
"We never said..." Giles started, but Sonya rode over him with her loud voice.   
  
"But, I guess I'll tell you, I thought about it all morning and just made the call a few minutes ago. He had an opening for this afternoon, so I've got an appointment. Now will you all just leave me alone about it?"   
  
"Oh, Sonya, I'm so happy for you!" Buffy almost squealed. She ran over and gave the other girl a hug.   
  
Sonya shrugged Buffy off. "Be happy all you want. I'm not being happy or hopeful at all until this Dr. Keller actually promises me something... *and* can actually deliver."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Buffy and Xander walked down the corridors of Sunnydale High hand in hand. They'd met by her locker, as usual, after last period.   
  
"So, you're taking Sonya to her appointment?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Yeah," Xander replied. "She wanted me to."   
  
"Can I come?"   
  
Xander frowned. "Don't get me wrong, I want you to, but there's not a lot of extra room in my jeep with her chair and everything. Besides..." he put on his teacher face "... you've got training with Giles."   
  
"Stupid training," Buffy muttered with a pout, but she knew that Xander was right. Now was not the time to slack off on her new duties. She slid him an impish gaze. "But we've got a few minutes to kill until then, right?"   
  
Xander met her grin. "Right... what did you have in mind?"   
  
Buffy whipped open a door as they passed and pulled him inside. "Remember this place?"   
  
He looked around. "Hey, didn't we make out in here once when we weren't supposed to be seeing each other?"   
  
"He can remember!" Buffy crowed triumphantly.   
  
"Does this mean you're making an attempt on my virtue?" Xander teased, pulling her close.   
  
"I promise I'll only sully it a little," Buffy said, returning the embrace with easy familiarity.   
  
Then their lips met with a fire and a passion that never diminished with time. And time itself had no meaning when they were together like this. It felt like it had been only five minutes when Buffy cracked her eyes open for a glimpse at her watch.   
  
"Oh, dear," she moaned against his lips.   
  
"Wha...?" Xander muttered, then kissed her again, harder.   
  
"It's been half an hour," Buffy managed to pull away long enough to say. Then she giggled as his free lips worked their way over to her neck.   
  
Xander nibbled her neck and then the shell of her ear. "You're not leaving me, are you?"   
  
"Never," Buffy replied firmly, pulling him back up for another kiss. "We can stay here forever."   
  
"Good," Xander mumbled, "because I'm never letting you go."   
  
That made her smile into his kiss. "I'll hold you to that."   
  
They kissed for a little longer, and then Xander pulled back a little. Buffy had to open her eyes, and when she did she was startled by a serious expression on his face. "What's wrong?"   
  
"Absolutely nothing," Xander replied, his expression softening into a smile. "I was just thinking about how much I love you."   
  
Buffy's face lit up like a 1000-watt bulb. She'd known she loved Xander Harris since almost the first moment she saw him in English class. And if she hadn't known then, his haiku and him saving her from her first vampire sealed the deal. But they'd never actually said the words. Now she couldn't hold back. The words burst from her lips. "I love you, too, Xander!" She lunged in for another quick kiss.   
  
"Wow," Xander said a minute later, "if that's how you react, I'll have to say I love you more often."   
  
"Say it everyday," Buffy said, leaning against his chest.   
  
"As much as I'm enjoying this," Xander said, tightening his arms around her shoulders, "you've got to meet Giles, and I've got to meet Sonya."   
  
"Yeah." Buffy sighed and then separated from him in one quick motion, as if lingering would make it impossible for her to break free. They left the basement and made their way toward the library. Xander grabbed her hand casually, and they walked down the hall swinging their clasped hands between them. 


	5. Chapter 4

Destiny Lost   
  
#2: In the Space of Desire   
  
Authors: Sonya and Erin   
  
E-mail: sonyajeb@swbell.net OR carynsilver@yahoo.com   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Category: B/X, O/Other, AU, action/adventure, romance   
  
Summary: This is a sequel to our epic saga "In the Space of a Heartbeat," which is a story about what would happen if Buffy had never gotten the Slayer powers.   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy or any of the original characters or ideas from the show. They all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. All we own is our own creative genius (unless that's too strong a word :) and any characters we make up.   
  
Distribution: Regulars... SURE!!! Newbies... ask and you shall recieve!   
  
Feedback: Love it! We want to know your likes AND dislikes. Flames are the only thing we do not accept.   
  
Spoilers: None much for the shows, but heavy spoilers for the earlier installments of this fanfic series!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Chapter Four   
  
Sunnydale High   
  
Buffy and Xander had almost made it to the library when a lone figure turned the corner and came into view. It was a girl with longish blonde hair and a distinctive face. She walked with purpose. When Buffy looked at her, she thought that the girl looked like Buffy felt after getting her Slayer powers -- confident for the world to see. Buffy wondered if such confidence only came in formerly shy people -- Buffy had become extremely introverted after her accident, and was only now becoming more assertive again -- but then the Slayer pushed those thoughts away. While she had been drifting, Xander had yelled out a greeting to the new girl.   
  
"Amy Madison! Long time no see! Where've you been hiding?" With a flash of a smile to Buffy, Xander dropped her hand and hugged the new girl.   
  
The girl hugged him back. "I was living abroad with my dad. After everything that happened with my mom, and then at Halloween, Dad decided I needed some time away from this place."   
  
"Well, wherever you were, it certainly agreed with you," Xander said, stepping back to look at her.   
  
Amy preened under his scrutiny. Buffy was slightly jealous of the girl's cute outfit -- the green and blue tones really brought out her hair and fair complexion.   
  
"We were all over the place. I got to see all of Europe, and I kept up with school through correspondence courses. Snyder didn't want to go with it, but Dad promised that his company would donate money to help the building fund so Snyder basically had no choice but to agree. The Mayor would have had his head if he hadn't."   
  
"And now you're back."   
  
"Yep, now I'm back. And better than before."   
  
"I'm glad," Xander said with sincerity. "When you disappeared so soon after Halloween, I was a little worried about you."   
  
Buffy took that instant to clear her throat. She stepped closer to Xander and slid a hand through his arm in what she knew was a possessive gesture.   
  
Xander smiled and introduced her. "Amy, this is my girlfriend Buffy Summers. She moved to Sunnydale about a month ago."   
  
Amy's smile seemed genuinely delighted. "I'm so glad to meet you, Buffy!" she said enthusiastically, pumping Buffy's proffered hand. "Xander... well, to put it bluntly, he saved my life. And it looks like you're making him happy. That is so great."   
  
Her words made Buffy feel better and her jealousy mostly abated. "Thanks, Amy. It's nice to meet you, too." She glanced at Xander. "How did you save her life?"   
  
"Spike kidnapped her. He wanted to use her as a vessel to bring back Drusilla, but a chaos demon got released instead. I had to blow up Snyder's car to stop it. It was a whole big thing." Xander looked a bit embarrassed.   
  
Amy jumped in with, "It was the worst Halloween of my life!"   
  
"Oh!" Understanding lit Buffy's gaze. "The Halloween Incident. Oz mentioned the rumors, but I never heard the whole story."   
  
"Well," Amy said, "it's been really great to see you guys, but I've got to go to the office. I have an appointment with Snyder before I can start classes tomorrow. But I hope I'll see you both then..."   
  
"Yeah," Buffy said. "I'll look for you."   
  
"Great!" Amy replied. "See you later. It was great to meet you, Buffy." With a wave, the new girl was gone, and Buffy and Xander were alone in front of the library doors.   
  
"I'm really glad she's OK," Xander said softly to Buffy. "She vanished after the Halloween thing, and I was worried she'd had a break down or something. She's had a pretty tough life. Her mom was a psycho-witch and tried to possess Amy's body or something. Giles told me about it once."   
  
"Poor girl," Buffy said, looking down the hall after Amy. "We'll have to invite her to go out with us sometime. Maybe I'll get Oz to go, too."   
  
"Are you trying to play matchmaker?" Xander accused.   
  
Buffy smiled. "Guilty as charged. It's just, Oz has been such a good friend to me, and Amy seems like a really nice person. I had thought Oz and Sonya might hit it off. I even let it slip to him that she might need a ride to school today so they could be alone for awhile, but it doesn't look like anything is happening there." She paused, and then added, "Besides, for a minute there you and Amy were pretty chummy. If she dates Oz then I don't have to worry about that."   
  
"You were jealous?" Xander asked. "Over me?"   
  
"Well... yeah... a little." Buffy looked down at the ground, embarrassed.   
  
"That's so sweet!" Xander swooped down and kissed her on the mouth. Buffy happily returned the kiss for a minute, and then they broke apart.   
  
"I'm glad you weren't mad," Buffy said. "I was afraid you'd think I didn't trust you, and it's not that at all. I know you'd never stray."   
  
"Stray... from the best thing that's ever happened to me? Never!" Xander vowed. "And actually, I'm more flattered than anything by the jealousy thing. I mean, we all have those weird feelings occasionally. It's normal. And they usually don't mean anything."   
  
"Right," Buffy agreed. "Well, I guess we should go in."   
  
Xander nodded. "Yep. But not before I get one more kiss." Buffy eagerly gave him what he asked for, and then they composed themselves and went inside the library.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"You're late," Sonya accused when they stepped inside.   
  
"I know, I'm sorry," Xander said.   
  
"We were... um... busy talking," Buffy added.   
  
"Talking. Yeah, right." Sonya rolled her eyes and sarcasm dripped off her tongue.   
  
"We were talking," Xander protested, "to Amy Madison. She's back."   
  
"Great," Sonya said, "now that your little reunion is over, can we go? I'd like to get this done with, and we're going to be late as it is."   
  
Xander looked at his watch. "No, we've still got enough time. The office is close."   
  
"Whatever." Sonya wheeled herself out toward the parking lot, leaving Xander no choice but to follow. He gave Buffy a kiss on the cheek and jogged after Sonya.   
  
Buffy watched them go, and when they were gone she looked over at Giles who stood by the circulation desk. "I hope everything goes all right."   
  
"As do I," Giles said, staring after them as well. "As do I."   
  
She detected a gleam of caring in his eyes as he looked after Sonya. Buffy knew that Giles cared a lot about Sonya. He'd turned his life inside out for her, and he was always so solicitous of her -- at least as solicitous as an Englishman could be. Buffy sighed. What did it matter? He was her Watcher, not her father. Her father was off gallivanting around the country with his new girlfriend Silvie -- a girl half his age. These thoughts were getting her nowhere!   
  
"Giles, what are we doing today?"   
  
The librarian seemed to come back into the moment with difficulty, and Buffy wondered where his thoughts had been.   
  
"Ah, yes, training."   
  
"Yes," Buffy repeated. "Training. That little thing we do every day to get me ready to face the minions of darkness every night. What are we doing today?"   
  
Giles walked over to the weapons locker, removing his jacket on the way. He pulled two long, wooden staffs out and tossed one to Buffy.   
  
"Stick fighting?" Buffy asked, catching it deftly and looking at it with a confused expression. "This would do me better cut up into a dozen stakes."   
  
"Staff fighting," Giles corrected her in a long-suffering tone. "And it's very important. It's the first step toward learning many other types of fighting, such a sword play."   
  
A smile lit Buffy's face. "Ooh -- swords. I want one."   
  
"Not 'til you learn the basics of staff fighting." He lunged in and rapped her smartly on the shoulder.   
  
"Ow!" Buffy cried. "No fair! You didn't say ready, set, go!"   
  
Giles gave her one of his patented "looks" and then said, "Ready, set, go." He lunged in again, and this time Buffy was able to use her staff to block his strike.   
  
"Now, Buffy," Giles said as they circled each other with the staffs, trading and evading blows, "you've got to be prepared at all times. Vampires and other forces of darkness won't give you a warning..." He jumped back as she darted in to hit him on the shoulder. He made it just in time. "Good shot."   
  
"Thank you." Buffy accepted his praise in what she thought was a gracious manner. "I don't know why you're making such a big deal about this staff fighting. It's pretty easy. The cross bow was harder, and I picked that up on the first shot."   
  
"Your powers lend themselves to the fighting arts," Giles said, trying to disguise his breathlessness as he dodged several of her attempted blows. "... but that doesn't mean you can just cavalierly skip any step you want to. It's a process... urg!" He grunted and doubled over a little when one of Buffy's raps hit home into his stomach.   
  
Buffy paused at the pained look on his face. She stepped forward to help him. "Are you, OK, Giles?"   
  
Giles waited until she was close enough to touch him before bringing his staff up behind her to trip her. The staff did it's work and knocked her off balance. "Aha! You see, never let your guard down... oof!" Buffy turned her fall into a flip and pulled his staff out of his hands with her feet. Then, grabbing the other staff with her hands, she flipped back up to her feet and rapped Giles smartly on the side.   
  
"You're right, Giles," she said in an annoyed yet superior tone, "never let your guard down." She hopped up on the reading table, and sat twirling both weapons in her hands while Giles got his breath back.   
  
"I say, that was good enough for today, Buffy." He glanced at the clock. "We've put long enough here. Why don't you go home and see your mother."   
  
"How nice of you to suggest that," Buffy said sarcastically. She was kind of annoyed at Giles and his teaching style today. "I think I'll take you up on it."  
  
She put the weapons down on the table, and picked up her backpack. "I could do with some quality Mom-time."   
  
"She's not suspicious, is she?" Giles asked from behind the desk. "You know you can't tell her anything..."   
  
"Secret identity... blah, blah, blah." Buffy rolled her eyes. "You've only told me a million times. But I think my mom would understand. I think it would be easier if she knew, because then I wouldn't have to fight curfews and all that to get to the evil."   
  
"It's against the rules," Giles said severely. "You can NOT tell her anything, no matter how much you might want to."   
  
"Jeez," Buffy muttered. "What is it with you and rules today? First you've gotta fight with sticks before you get to swords and then an interrogation on if I'm keeping my secret identity... Have I ever let you down yet, Giles? I think I'm keeping my end of this little bargain quite nicely, so you could give me just a bit of slack!"   
  
Giles looked at her, a hint of contriteness on his face, but not much. "Go home and relax, Buffy. You deserve some time off. You're actually doing quite well, you know."   
  
"Thank you!" Buffy said, still upset at him. "I'm glad you recognize that at least." She headed for the door and then turned back, an idea crossing her mind. "Are you worried about Sonya? Is that why you're being stuffier than usual today?"   
  
"What nonsense are you talking about?" Giles asked. "I'm sure Sonya is fine."   
  
"Whatever," Buffy replied, twirling back around and pushing the door open. She was even angrier now that her offer of bonding had been rebuffed. "Repress all you want. I'm going home."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
The wind ruffled Sonya's shoulder-length, chestnut colored curls as she and Xander sped along the road in his jeep. She watched the scenery fly by with a calm detachment, not really paying attention to what passed by them as they drove. She knew that Xander wanted to talk to her about something. It was fairly obvious in the way that he kept glancing over at her, opening his mouth as if to speak and then snapping it closed and hastily turning his eyes back to the road. Sonya also had a pretty good idea of what he wanted to speak to her about. But she wasn't going to let him off easy by broaching the subject herself. If he wanted to tell her what was on his mind, he would just have to do it himself. Though with the way things were going, they'd probably be at the clinic already before he got up enough courage to actually say something. Sonya sighed. Patience had never been her strong suit.   
  
"Sonya..." Xander began uncertainly, "Can we talk?"   
  
(Finally,) Sonya thought. (I thought I would have to wait all day!) Aloud, she said, "Sure, what's on your mind, Harris?"   
  
"Well..." he trailed off, biting his lower lip nervously. Sonya suppressed the urge to giggle. He looked like a little boy when he did that!   
  
"Well..." she echoed him, a note of teasing in her voice.   
  
"Uh, what I wanted to say was... that, erm..." he paused, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. "That I'm really sorry about this morning and I didn't mean to pressure you into this doctor thing," he mumbled in an almost incomprehensible rush of words. Sonya could barely make out what he said because it had been so soft and rushed. She rolled her eyes, marveling at how men could be such babies when it came to admitting that they were wrong. But she took it in stride, giving Xander a small smile. It was the thought that counted, she reminded herself. However, just because she appreciated his apology, didn't mean that she would let him off the hook so easily. She wanted to make him squirm a little bit first.   
  
Pretending to examine her nails closely, she said brightly, "What was that, Xand? I don't think I heard what you said just now."   
  
Xander scowled at her. "You know what I said, Parker."   
  
She feigned innocence. "Really? I do?"   
  
Xander turned the jeep into the clinic's parking lot and pulled up into a prime spot near the front. The handicapped stickers that Sonya had given him for his car after her accident definitely came in handy. Switching off the ignition, he turned toward her in his seat and replied, "I SAID that I was sorry, Sonya. I shouldn't have pressured you into coming here." Sighing, he added, "And if you want to leave now, we can. It's cool. I won't give you any grief over it." He looked down at his hands. "Besides, you shouldn't be doing this if it's just for my sake, or Giles' sake," he muttered. "That's not fair to you."   
  
Sonya grinned and reached across the seat to grab his hand and give it a squeeze. "That means a lot to me, Xand. But the truth is, I'm not doing this for you or for Giles. I'm doing it for me." She smirked good-naturedly at his puzzled expression. "Yeah, I know, I put up a huge fight about it, but something Buffy told me made sense. I just can't NOT try, you know?"   
  
Xander smiled a little. "Yeah, that's true." Opening the car door and moving around to get Sonya's wheelchair out of the back of the jeep, he said, "Well, we'd better get going. You don't want to be late."   
  
"Leave it to your girlfriend to talk me into this insane venture," Sonya grumbled half-heartedly as he placed her in her wheelchair and pushed her toward the doors of the clinic.   
  
Xander laughed. "Yeah, Buffy does have a way with words, doesn't she?"   
  
"Well, I don't know if I'd go THAT far..." Sonya protested.   
  
Xander rolled his eyes and replied in his best stuffy, Giles impersonation, "You, my dear, are incorrigible!"   
  
Sonya smiled. "And you wouldn't have it any other way, Harris." 


	6. Chapter 5

Destiny Lost   
  
#2: In the Space of Desire   
  
Authors: Sonya and Erin   
  
E-mail: sonyajeb@swbell.net OR carynsilver@yahoo.com   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Category: B/X, O/Other, AU, action/adventure, romance   
  
Summary: This is a sequel to our epic saga "In the Space of a Heartbeat," which is a story about what would happen if Buffy had never gotten the Slayer powers.   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy or any of the original characters or ideas from the show. They all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. All we own is our own creative genius (unless that's too strong a word :) and any characters we make up.   
  
Distribution: Regulars... SURE!!! Newbies... ask and you shall recieve!   
  
Feedback: Love it! We want to know your likes AND dislikes. Flames are the only thing we do not accept.   
  
Spoilers: None much for the shows, but heavy spoilers for the earlier installments of this fanfic series!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Chapter Five   
  
Medical Clinic   
  
Xander held the door open and Sonya rolled her chair up to the window to speak with a bored-looking nurse. Xander took a seat on one of the vinyl-covered green chairs in the waiting room and watched.   
  
"My name is Sonya Parker. I'm here for an appointment with Dr. Keller." Her tone was brisk, purposeful and quite a bit demanding.   
  
"New patient?" the nurse intoned, attaching some papers to a clipboard.   
  
Sonya lifted an eyebrow toward the woman. "Isn't everyone in Sunnydale a new patient for him?"   
  
The nurse didn't bat an eyelash at Sonya's attitude. She handed over the clipboard and stood. "Fill these out, please. I'll tell the doctor that you're here. He'll see you in a few minutes."   
  
Sonya sniffed and rolled herself into the waiting room near Xander. Then she started filling out the forms. "Here comes the waiting part. Why do doctors always think they can make you wait?"   
  
"Because they can," Xander replied with a grin, hoping to lighten the mood. Sonya gave him a "look" and then concentrated on filling out her forms.   
  
Xander wondered why Sonya was so prickly. Well, actually he knew a lot of the reasons why, but it always amazed him to watch the transformation. In the car she had been so open to him, her most friendly self. And now she was back in bitch-mode. He sighed, wishing for the umpteenth time that there was something he could do to help his best friend. His mind flashed back to his conversation with Buffy earlier. Of course, remembering Buffy meant remembering their passionate interlude on the basement stairs, but he reluctantly fast-forwarded beyond that to the hallway after Amy's exit.   
  
"Hey," he said to Sonya, "you never told me what happened with you and Oz this morning."   
  
Sonya looked up in shock, making Xander think something else was going on. "What do you mean, Harris?"   
  
"This morning, the van... Oz giving you a ride... Ring a bell?"   
  
"Oh." Sonya looked relieved. Then she said, "Nothing. He just gave me a lift, that's all. We barely even talked. You know Oz -- reticent just does not cover it."   
  
Xander could sense her guards going up again. Something else must've happened. "Are you sure that's all, Parker, or are you hiding something from your best friend?"   
  
Sonya met his eyes, and he saw her shuttered resolve fade away. "He came up to me during break when I was really upset and depressed. I kind of bit his head off. I haven't seen him since."   
  
"Oh, man... that's too bad," Xander said, revising his hope that Sonya and the silent guitarist would find a way to be together.   
  
"I mean, not that I really miss him or anything," Sonya continued -- more bravado in Xander's opinion, but he wasn't going to rub it in.   
  
"If you want, I could have Buffy talk to him for you," Xander suggested.   
  
"Yeah, she can pass him a note for me after recess," Sonya said with a sarcastic sneer.   
  
"Ha, ha, very funny," Xander replied. "I just meant that they're really good friends, and she could tell him that you didn't mean whatever you said... you know, get the ball rolling again."   
  
"No!" Sonya exclaimed.   
  
"Why not?" Xander never knew how Sonya would react to Buffy. Sometimes things were fine, and other times the combination was a keg of gunpowder waiting to explode.   
  
"I just..."   
  
Sonya was interrupted by the nurse coming to the door. "Right this way, Miss Parker. The doctor will see you now."   
  
Xander stood as Sonya started to wheel herself over to the doorway. "You want me to come with?"   
  
She looked back. "No. I've got to do this myself. But wait here for me, OK? It helps to know I can call you if I need you."   
  
"No problem-o. I'll be here." Xander sat back down and smiled at her. "Besides... I'm your ride home."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Buffy walked into her house still a little miffed from her training session with Giles. She put her stuff down in the foyer and wandered into the kitchen looking for her mother.   
  
"Mom!" she called, dragging out the word for several beats.   
  
"In here, honey," Joyce replied in a muffled tone.   
  
Buffy followed the voice downstairs to the basement where Joyce had her head inside the washing machine. "What are you doing?"   
  
Joyce stood up and gave the machine a frustrated kick. "There's a sock stuck down there, but I can't get it out. It's wedged too tight."   
  
"Let me try." Buffy peeked down in the washer and saw the toe of one of her mom's warm, knit socks peeking out from under the plastic center thing. (What the heck to you call that thing, anyway?) Buffy wondered. She hopped up so her stomach on the edge of the washer held all of her weight, then she grabbed the sock with both hands and pulled. It held fast for a moment, and then there was a ripping sound.   
  
"Umm... sorry, Mom, but this is all I got." Buffy straightened up and hopped down, handing Joyce half of the sock. She wondered if her mother would be mad.   
  
Joyce laughed. "Thanks for trying, sweetie! I guess you just don't know your own strength."   
  
Buffy smiled, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Her mother was so close to finding out. Lately, Joyce had been noticing a lot of things that just didn't add up -- Buffy's late hours, a slight drop in grades, constant preoccupation, odd stains on her clothes and now this dumb sock. Luckily most of it could be attributed to having a new boyfriend. And -- also luckily -- Joyce had a soft spot in her heart for Xander, so she overlooked a few curfew violations.   
  
For a second, Buffy was tempted to just blurt out the truth. (What could it hurt?) she asked herself. (Sure, Mom will be stunned at first, and maybe a little scared, but in the long run, isn't honesty the best policy? If it isn't, then why did they make up that cliche?) It really hurt her not to be honest with her mother. Every time she lied, Buffy felt herself growing farther and farther away from her mother -- the woman who had been both her mother and her best friend through the hardest years of her life. Buffy opened her mouth to blurt out the truth, when suddenly she saw Giles' forbidding face in her mind's eye. Reluctantly, she bit back the comment and decided to change the subject. "So, what's for dinner?"   
  
The two women turned and went back up into the kitchen. "Actually, I hadn't really thought about it," Joyce admitted. "I was going to make a nice meal when I got home from the gallery, then laundry took all my attention."   
  
"Sandwiches?" Buffy surmised.   
  
"Sandwiches," Joyce agreed.   
  
When they entered the kitchen, the mother and daughter team went about their separate tasks with an easy familiarity. Buffy got down two plates and glasses, and started fixing drinks -- water for herself, and tea for her mother. Joyce got the meat, cheese, condiments and veggies out of the refrigerator and began fixing two thick and hearty turkey sandwiches. Buffy got out the pretzels and set the table, and soon the pair were enjoying their quickly made dinner.   
  
"So, how was school today, honey?" Joyce asked around a bite of sandwich.   
  
"Ah, the classic parent-child question," Buffy responded with a grin.   
  
Joyce laughed, but added, "Seriously, I really want to know. You're so busy lately, we never get to talk anymore."   
  
Though her mom said it matter-of-factly and without malice, Buffy's feelings of guilt began to resurface -- as did her Watcher's disapproving face. She would have to go for the non-Slayer response.   
  
"Well," Buffy said, thinking about her day and editing out any stuff Giles would forbid her to mention and any stuff that was better off censored, "... um... I got an A on my math exam."   
  
"That's good," Joyce said, ready to praise her daughter. "You see, I told you that all you had to was ration your time between studies and Xander and your grades would come up again."   
  
"Yeah," Buffy said, looking down at her plate. To change the track of the conversation, she said, "Sonya's going to a new doctor this afternoon. He's supposed to have this new miracle treatment for paralysis."   
  
"Really?" Joyce's face took on a slightly sad expression. Buffy could tell her mother was remembering when they went through much the same thing. "Do you think this one will work? I thought her condition was permanent."   
  
"I don't know," Buffy replied honestly. "I told her anything was worth a try, though." She paused and then asked, "Do you think I did the right thing? If it were me, I'd see the guy -- I mean, we did that. But what if he can't help her, and her hopes get raised for nothing?"   
  
Joyce reached over and covered Buffy's hand with her own. "Buffy, you have a kind and loving heart. I know you and Sonya have had your problems..."   
  
Buffy started to protest, but Joyce kept talking over her. "... I may be your mother, but I'm not blind. You and Sonya have the hardest kind of friendship -- a friendship based on rivalry. But even so, I can tell that you care about her, and underneath, I'm sure she knows that, too. I think you did the right thing encouraging her like that. You'll just have to be there for her if things don't go like we all hope."   
  
"Thanks, Mom," Buffy said with a genuine smile. "You always know how to make me feel better."   
  
"That's my job, honey." Joyce nibbled a pretzel and gave her daughter a measuring look.   
  
Buffy could tell that her mother wanted to ask her something. "Out with it. What's on your mind?"   
  
"Well, I know you don't need me interfering with your school life, but I was wondering if you'd mind if I had a conference with your Mr. Giles."   
  
"What?" Buffy's eyes grew wide. "Why?"   
  
"It's nothing bad," Joyce assured her daughter. "It's just that he's been tutoring you after school ever since your grades dropped..."   
  
Buffy sighed, remembering the lie she'd told to cover her long hours spend at the school after hours. It was so hard to keep track of them all.   
  
"... and I just wanted to tell him that he's doing a great job, and ask if there's anything I can do to help," Joyce finished with a look of motherly concern.   
  
"Um..." Buffy hesitated. "I guess you can, if you want to. But Mr. Giles doesn't really like surprises. He's kind of stuffy. You'd better call him first." She hoped that with the warning of a phone call, Giles would have time to concoct some lies of his own since they were so important to him.   
  
"All right," Joyce said. "I'll do that. You don't mind, do you, honey? You talk about him almost as much as you talk about Xander, Sonya and Oz -- it just seems like I should meet him."   
  
"Sure, Mom," Buffy mumbled, taking a big bite of her sandwich to stall any further conversation for awhile. Now she remembered why mother-daughter bonding had been lessened over the past month -- lies were hard.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Sonya followed the silent nurse down a brightly lit hallway and into a large examination room. The room was well-equipped for the handicapped, she noticed. Everything was low enough for wheelchair access, and there were ramps and bars instead of stairs.   
  
"Wait here," the nurse said in her normal, expressionless tone. "Dr. Keller will be right in to see you." The nurse -- her nametag read Jane -- gave her a smile that looked oddly artificial on her otherwise expressionless face.   
  
Sonya watched Nurse Jane leave, shaking her head with a combination of wonder and amusement. She hoped Dr. Keller was more animated or this was going to be one boring visit.   
  
She expected to wait for at least ten or fifteen minutes -- that was how visits to the doctor normally worked -- but the door to the examining room swung open a bare two minutes later.   
  
"You must be Miss Parker," the man in the white coat said in loud, bass tones. "I'm Dr. Nigel Keller."   
  
Sonya couldn't help but answer his smile. It was warm and all-encompassing. Dr. Keller was over six feet tall, so she had to crane her neck to meet his dark eyes which were hidden behind thick glasses. His smiling mouth was only partially hidden behind a thick, black beard that matched the short, dark hair on the top of his head. But his most remarkable feature was his overall largeness. In addition to being so tall, Dr. Keller was big around as well. Some of it was fat, but some of it was muscle. His hands and fingers were big, his feet were big, his legs were long, his girth was wide. Sonya decided that big was just the only word to describe him. He fit in with the jolly-fat person image. She found herself being actually pleasant to the man -- which was a first.   
  
"Hi, Dr. Keller. You can call me Sonya, if you want."   
  
"Sonya, what a beautiful name," the doctor said in a slight European accent, walking across the room to shake her hand with a firm grasp. His large hand swallowed hers in its grip.   
  
As she watched him walk over to his desk and sit down so they were almost at eye level, another thing struck her about this man -- his grace. He carried himself with an ease that belied his bigness. There was nothing klutzy about him at all.   
  
"So, Sonya," Dr. Keller said, "first of all, tell me a little about why you're here."   
  
That brought Sonya's defense mechanisms back into play. "Isn't it obvious?" She slapped her immobile legs and the crack echoed around the room, enhanced by the tile floor. "I want to walk again. And you're supposed to be this hot-shot miracle surgeon who can make that happen -- or so the media says."   
  
"I may very well be able to do that," Dr. Keller said, taking no offense at her angry remarks -- as if he dealt with such outbursts every day. "But first I need to know some of your history... I need to know about the accident and some of the treatments that have been done on you since then."   
  
"Oh." Sonya looked anywhere but at the doctor's piercing gaze. "Well, I had gone down into this cave, and while I was down there, the roof caved in on me. It was quite the story in Sunnydale for a few days." Sonya conveniently left out any mention of the Master. "A friend who'd followed me pulled me out, but the doctors said my spine had been shattered. They did what they could to repair it. I had several surgeries -- you could call the hospital for details. I don't remember everything -- I was kind of out of it for several weeks. Nothing ever helped though. I haven't felt anything below my waist since the cave in."   
  
"Ah..." Dr. Keller murmured, scribbling information down on a clipboard as she spoke. "Did you try anything after that?"   
  
"What do you mean?" Sonya looked up, wondering if she should mention the warlocks and other magically-inclined individuals Giles had sought out in hopes of a cure.   
  
"Some patients try... oh, I suppose you could call them New Age remedies. Herbs, incantations, miracle pills... that sort of thing," Dr. Keller explained.   
  
Sonya blushed. "Well, my guardian, Mr. Giles, did try some of those things -- herbs and incantations, especially, but -- as you can see -- none of the worked."   
  
Dr. Keller scribbled a little more, then he stuck the pen in his pocket and turned to face her. "I need to examine you now."   
  
"OK." Sonya glanced at the high table in the middle of the room. "Do I have to be up there?" She knew getting up there alone wasn't feasible. The bed was the only thing in the room not handicapped accessible -- she assumed because Dr. Keller had to be able to work over it.   
  
"No," he answered, "not yet. I just need to do a couple of quick tests to verify what you've told me. I'm sure you've had tests like these before."   
  
He reached into the pocket of his white coat and pulled out a long stick pin. Sonya pulled up her long skirt to give the doctor access, and he knelt on the floor next to her.   
  
"Tell me when you can feel anything," he ordered, and began sticking the pin into her leg, starting at the ankle. He stopped when he reached her thigh. "Nothing?"   
  
Sonya shook her head. The results were just as she'd expected. "You could keep moving up, and I wouldn't feel anything until right about here." She gestured to her hips. When the doctor stood again, she pulled her skirt back down, covering the motionless, white lumps that used to be her legs.   
  
Dr. Keller sat back down at the small desk and looked over her file again. After a long moment, he turned to her and said, "Sonya, I think I can help you. Your case is almost identical to several that I worked on back in Los Angeles. I'm willing to take you on as a patient, and if you want we can even begin the treatments today."   
  
"What kind of treatments are you offering?" Sonya asked for clarification.   
  
"It's a new technique of my own design," the doctor replied with no small measure of pride. "It combines the latest medical breakthroughs in lasers, electromagnetic fields and sonic vibrations with homeopathic medicine."   
  
"Can you give it me in layman's' terms?"   
  
"I'm sorry," Dr. Keller said with a grin. "You'll take a half-hour treatment in a machine of my own design during every visit. The machine inundates the nerves that aren't working with electromagnetic fields and sonic vibrations. This stimulates and re-energizes those nerves that are still in tact and just not sending the proper signals to your brain. We'll combine this with an aggressive medicinal attack. I have patented an herbal pill that will actually start the regenerative process within your nervous system. The final step, after these treatments have taken effect, will be a laser surgery to mend any regenerated nerves."   
  
"You can do that?" Sonya demanded, afraid to hope. But he sounded so sure... "It sounds so science-fiction-y."   
  
"It does, doesn't it?" Dr. Keller admitted. "But, in fact, the field of medicine is leaping ahead miles every day. This is the cutting edge. Of course, it is still an experimental procedure. I've succeeded in several cases such as yours, and I'm very optimistic in your case -- should you choose to become my patient."   
  
"Are there any risks involved in this 'experimental' treatment?" she asked.   
  
"No more than you'd expect with anything. You could have reactions to the herbs, but I don't think so. No one else has. When we do the surgery, there will be the usual risk of anesthesia, but that's rampant in all surgeries. The machine puts out nothing that can be harmful to your body in small doses."   
  
"What about cost?" Sonya finally asked. This sounded tempting, and Dr. Keller seemed so sure about it, but her resources were pretty limited. Giles was her legal guardian -- the Council had helped arrange that because of her family situation -- and the Council had helped him with all her expenses. Now, however, the Council had no reason to help her, and she wasn't sure if Giles' medical insurance through the school would cover something experimental.   
  
"That's where you are lucky," Dr. Keller said, his smile widening. "Because this treatment is still in the experimental stages, I'm working on a government grant. When this process is approved, it will cost thousands of dollars, but now all you have to do is cover the cost of your eventual hospital stay. My grant covers the rest."   
  
That won her over. "OK. I'll do it."   
  
"Are you ready to start today?" Dr. Keller asked.   
  
"Today?"   
  
He gave her his toothy grin. "As you can see, by moving my practice here, I have to start building a client base again. Right now, I'm at your disposal."   
  
"All right then."   
  
Dr. Keller moved behind her and took the handles of her chair in his hands. "I'll take you into the other room and Jane will help you change."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Xander sat in the waiting room for over two hours. After the first hour, he walked up to the window and rang the bell to get Nurse Jane's attention.   
  
"Excuse me," he said when she finally looked up from her filing, "but do all appointments with Dr. Keller take this long?"   
  
"Not all of them," the nurse answered, "but your friend is a special case. Dr. Keller is taking her on to treatment right now. It will be a little while before they're done."   
  
"Sonya agreed to do the treatment?" Xander repeated incredulously. "Wow. That's a good thing, right?"   
  
"Dr. Keller thinks so." Nurse Jane turned back to her work, adding, "Your friend will be out in due time. Just wait, please."   
  
Xander went back to his green vinyl chair and flipped through an outdated copy of People magazine. (Why are all doctor's office magazines out of date?) he wondered idly. (This office has only been open for a week and already his magazines are older than crud. There must be an out-of-date magazine distributing service that all doctors subscribe to...)   
  
He sat and waited for what seemed an interminable amount of time, when a noise in the hallway caught his attention. He saw Sonya wheeling herself out. She looked different to him somehow, more radiant -- perhaps it had something to do with the big smile on her face. He got up and walked over to her.   
  
"How'd it go?" he asked.   
  
"Fine," Sonya replied. "Better than fine, actually."   
  
"That's good."   
  
Nurse Jane interrupted them by bringing Sonya a small white bag. "This is your prescription. Take one three times a day, with food. And Dr. Keller said to schedule you for the same time tomorrow."   
  
"OK." Sonya looked at Xander. "Can you drive me again?"   
  
"Sure," he agreed without hesitation.   
  
"Great," Sonya replied with a smile aimed just at him. "So, Geeves, how's about I treat you to dinner in repayment for your chauffeuring services?"   
  
Xander nodded. "Sounds great. Let's go."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Buffy stared at the clock on the mantel in frustration. "Where *is* he?" she muttered to herself, pacing to the window and looking out yet again. But still there was no sign of Xander's jeep.   
  
"Something wrong, honey?" Joyce asked, coming into the living room.   
  
"It's Xander. He's late," Buffy explained. "We were supposed to go hear Oz's band play tonight. The Dingoes got a new gig at this dance club in Calvin." She was happy that Oz and his band had found a gig in the next town over so she could still go see them. "The club is called The Cellar. You have to go downstairs to get to it."   
  
"Are you sure Xander was picking you up?" Joyce asked. "Maybe you were meeting him there."   
  
"Well... maybe..." Buffy said, putting on her most wheedling tone, "if you let me borrow the car."   
  
Joyce gave Buffy a look of near-horror. "Maybe you could call Oz and see if he can give you a lift."   
  
"OK," Buffy agreed with a smile. "But you know that one day you're going to have to let me drive."   
  
"I know," Joyce said, "but not today."   
  
Buffy went and made the call. Luckily, Oz was running late, and just walking out the door. He promised to be over in a few minutes. Until he got there, Buffy paced back and forth, alternating from staring at the clock and staring out the window.   
  
When Oz's van pulled up in the driveway, Buffy gave her mother a quick kiss on the cheek. "If Xander shows up here late, tell him I went to meet him there."   
  
"All right," Joyce said. "Have fun, and be careful!"   
  
"Sure, Mom!" Buffy waved and blew her mother another kiss before jumping into the van and heading off for The Cellar. 


	7. Chapter 6

Destiny Lost   
  
#2: In the Space of Desire   
  
Authors: Sonya and Erin   
  
E-mail: sonyajeb@swbell.net OR carynsilver@yahoo.com   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Category: B/X, O/Other, AU, action/adventure, romance   
  
Summary: This is a sequel to our epic saga "In the Space of a Heartbeat," which is a story about what would happen if Buffy had never gotten the Slayer powers.   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy or any of the original characters or ideas from the show. They all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. All we own is our own creative genius (unless that's too strong a word :) and any characters we make up.   
  
Distribution: Regulars... SURE!!! Newbies... ask and you shall recieve!   
  
Feedback: Love it! We want to know your likes AND dislikes. Flames are the only thing we do not accept.   
  
Spoilers: None much for the shows, but heavy spoilers for the earlier installments of this fanfic series!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Chapter Six   
  
The Cellar   
  
Buffy looked around the dance club with the eyes of a newcomer. This was only her third visit to the place, and she liked it more with each trip to Calvin. Of course, The Cellar was no Bronze, but it was filled to the brim with teenagers -- even on a school night -- and loud music reverberated against the walls.   
  
Oz had gone backstage to set up, leaving Buffy lounging on a red sofa near the wall to await both the Dingoes performance and the arrival of her tardy boyfriend. She'd been there for about fifteen minutes, and Xander had yet to appear.   
  
Sipping her Coke, Buffy tried not to stare at the club's entrance too hard. Looking desperate was not a part of her plan. Instead, she focused on the club itself and its patrons.   
  
The Cellar was a funky establishment. In the basement of a nice restaurant, Madeline's Bistro, at first Buffy had thought it would be boringly quiet and sedate. She'd been wrong. Lots of sound-proofing separated the two worlds of diners and dancers, and gave the owners of the place two ways to make money. Calvin was a small town with an even smaller school district, but, lucky for the owners, the loss of the Bronze brought them many Sunnydale high schoolers looking for a new place to party. Liquor rules were the same as the Bronze -- if you had I.D. you got your hand stamped at the door, if not, no alcohol.   
  
The club's decor was comfy. The stage was big, as was the dance floor. A long, wooden bar that served everything from beer and martinis to soda and mineral water occupied two thirds of the back wall, and had bar stools for sitting, if one had the mind to chat with a bartender. Along the rest of that wall and part of the next, The Cellar offered pool tables, air hockey, dart boards and other group games. There were plenty of places for a couple to find privacy, and lots of tables and couches capable of seating a large group.   
  
The feature that gave The Cellar it's unique atmosphere was the large, spiral staircase that was the main entrance to the club. In Slayer-mode, Buffy had long since scouted out any other entrances and exits -- there weren't many. By the bathrooms in the back there was an emergency door, one of the "an alarm will sound" variety. And there were a few small windows at ground level -- above the reach of most people's arms, even if they stood on tiptoe. Buffy could touch them only if she jumped at full Slayer power. But the spiral staircase was pretty with wrought iron swirls and a brass banister. The bartender would even take a souvenir picture of people on the staircase -- for a modest price.   
  
Buffy sighed and sipped her Coke again. Where the heck was Xander? She didn't want to be a possessive girlfriend, but he should have dropped Sonya off a long time ago.   
  
"Hey, Buffy. What's up?"   
  
Buffy looked up to see Xander's friend Amy smiling down at her. Buffy smiled in return and gestured to the section of the sofa beside her. "Not much. I'm waiting for Xander, but I think he's forgotten our date."   
  
Amy laughed and sat down. "Xander's a great guy, but I've noticed that he has a punctuality problem. We had first period together before I left for Europe, and he was always late. I'm sure he'll be here before you know it. And you can make him grovel for his lapse in attention."   
  
That made Buffy giggle. "True, making him grovel for a little while would be fun." Then she sighed. "But The Cellar's not as much fun as usual without a dance partner."   
  
"Tell me about it," Amy replied. "I used to have the same problem at the Bronze."   
  
"You did? Really?" Buffy looked at Amy in amazement. She seemed to be guy-magnet material. She had the requisite long, blonde hair, fair skin and her warm brown eyes were rimmed with long, lush lashes. She had a good figure, too, which was covered tonight by a navy blue, knee-length skirt and a sleeveless, blue and white tank top. "I can't see why."   
  
"I guess not, now," Amy admitted. "One thing Europe gave me was a little polish. Besides museums and national monuments, I got to visit some great stores over there -- especially in Paris. But when I lived here before, I was kind of dowdy. I was overweight for awhile, though my mother took care of that for me. Xander told you about that, I assume?"   
  
"Yeah," Buffy admitted, wondering if Amy would be mad that Xander was talking about her. "He was just filling me in, though. He didn't mean anything by it."   
  
"Oh, that's fine," Amy assured Buffy, her smile never wavering. "I know that you, Xander, Sonya and the librarian are waging a war against the dark forces in Sunnydale. My mom was one of those dark forces. I'm just glad she's gone." Amy paused for a minute, and then continued with her story. "But, like I said, before Europe and before that thing with my mom, I was pretty much the shy, quiet introvert."   
  
"I know something about that," Buffy said.   
  
"No way!" Amy protested.   
  
"Yes way!" Buffy answered. She gestured down to her legs which were covered in an attractive pair of skin-tight, black pants. Her outfit was topped off with a white, short-sleeve shirt with a scalloped neck line that revealed her cross necklace. "During my freshman year in high school I was pretty popular, but then this guy hit me with his car. I broke both legs in several places. It was horrible. I was in a wheelchair for months." Even though Amy knew about vampires, Buffy didn't think Giles would like Buffy to tell her about how the accident had caused her to miss her Slayer destiny the first time, so Buffy skipped that part. "Anyway, all my so-called friends dropped me. It made quite an impact. Until I moved here, my mom was my best friend. Can you believe the corniness?"   
  
"I don't think that's corny," Amy said softly. "It's sweet."   
  
Buffy realized that her joke wouldn't seem very funny to Amy, and hurriedly backtracked. "No, my mom's great. I love her a lot. But you have to admit, most people would find that corny." Buffy's eyes landed on Cordelia and her band of wanna-be's across the room. "They'd think it's corny."   
  
"Well, they're a bunch of fools," Amy replied in a harsh tone. At a surprised glance from Buffy, Amy hastily added, "Sorry. I've just suffered a lot of malicious treatment from them in the past."   
  
Remembering some "Muffy" comments, Buffy sympathized. "Me, too. I just try to ignore them now."   
  
"Best course of action," Amy agreed.   
  
The two girls sat in silence for a few moments, and Buffy began to feel really glad that she'd come tonight, even if Xander was missing in action. Just then Oz and the Dingoes took the stage. Buffy leaned over to Amy. "Have you ever heard these guys play?"   
  
"No." Amy shook her head. "But I've heard that they're really good."   
  
"I know the guitarist."   
  
"He goes to our school, right?"   
  
"Yeah. Oz was the first friend I made in Sunnydale."   
  
Amy sat back in her seat, her eyes on the stage. "Well, I can't wait to hear them."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
After leaving the medical clinic, Xander and Sonya went to Sal's Diner, their favorite greasy spoon, for chili-cheeseburgers and French fries.   
  
"Mmm..." Xander groaned, licking the grease and salt from his fingers after the last fry. "That was superb."   
  
"Superb?" Sonya raised an eyebrow.   
  
"Superb!" Xander repeated with an emphatic nod. "Are we having dessert?"   
  
It was Sonya's turn to groan. "I'm stuffed. But I guess if you're really determined to get something else you could talk me into a few bites."   
  
"Hey," Xander said, throwing out his arms extravagantly. "This is a celebration of your great visit with Dr. Keller. Anything goes." He yelled over to the man behind the counter, "Sal! We need one hot fudge sundae with all the trimmings and two spoons."   
  
"You got it," the burly owner of the diner called back, and minutes later the two teens were faced with a huge mountain of ice cream layered in whipped cream and chocolate sauce.   
  
"Yum," Xander said, twirling his spoon in anticipation. "Hot fudge."   
  
Sonya laughed. "You are a nut, Harris. But I'm glad you thought of this. It really made the end of my day much better than the beginning."   
  
"That's what I'm here for," Xander replied, taking a big bite of the sundae. His next words were muffled by the food in his mouth. "I'm the sugar and grease specialist."   
  
As they ate, Xander kept glancing over at Sonya. She was so animated tonight, so happy. He hadn't seen her like this... well... ever. Xander congratulated himself on bringing up the whole Dr. Keller thing to begin with. Sure, it had been a rocky beginning, but to see Sonya like this, it was worth it. They'd been having a great time all evening -- talking and laughing, reminiscing over some of their worst opponents, dishing about Giles and plotting ways to make the stuffy Brit more human.   
  
Of course, Xander and Sonya had done things together before. They'd chilled out in front of movies, slaved over homework and Giles training sessions and they'd fought together. Even from her wheelchair, Sonya had been devastating to one vampire at a time. He could still remember the first time she'd taken him out to patrol. Sonya had nailed a vamp at twenty paces by flinging a stake at the demon from her chair. And they'd saved each other's butts several times. Mobile Sonya had saved Xander from being turned into a vampire by his former best friend Willow's new demonic self. (The thought of Willow still made Xander's heart twinge in pain, so he pushed that away quickly.) And Xander had saved Sonya from making an irreversibly bad decision the time right after her accident when she'd slit her wrists. That memory hurt as well, so he pushed it away and decided to concentrate on tonight -- the first night that they'd been so carefree. It was almost like the rest of the world didn't even exist.   
  
"You like?" Xander asked with a grin as Sonya slowly munched a whipped cream-covered cherry.   
  
"Yeah," Sonya admitted with a sigh. "But I'm full. You're really going to have to finish that thing."   
  
Xander looked at the half-eaten sundae with consideration. "Yep. I can do that."   
  
Sonya laughed at Xander for what must've been the millionth time that evening. She was having so much fun. This had been just what she needed, and Xander was a great friend to take her out for a celebration. And he'd been considerate enough not to ask if he could bring Buffy. Sonya wasn't in the mood to have Buffy gloating about how well the doctor visit went. Sonya realized with a start that Xander hadn't even mentioned his girlfriend all night.   
  
"Hey, Harris?" she asked. "Was Buffy busy tonight or something?" She didn't know why she was compelled to ruin the moment, but once thought of, the words seemed to spring unbidden from her lips. "I mean, I'm having a great time, but I haven't seen you two lovebirds apart for this long in weeks."   
  
A pained expression crossed Xander's face. "Ohmigosh! I totally forgot. Buffy and I were supposed to go to The Cellar tonight to see the Dingoes." H e looked at his watch the pained expression turned to one of extreme dismay. "I'm two hours late to pick her up. She's gonna kill me!"   
  
Sonya sighed and knew that her evening was ruined. (I should never have opened my big, fat mouth) she though angrily. But aloud all she said was, "Go, call her. I know neither of us will have any more fun until you do."   
  
Xander flashed her a grin. "Thanks for being so understanding, Parker." Then he jumped up from the table and ran for the pay phone near the bathrooms.   
  
While she waited, Sonya reached into the pocket on the back of her wheelchair and pulled out the white, paper bag Nurse Jane had given her before she left Dr. Keller's office. Inside was a small bottle of pills.   
  
"Guess it's time for the first one," she muttered to herself. "The food thing is certainly covered."   
  
Sonya opened the bottle and plucked out a medium-sized tablet. It was bright purple. When she looked closer, Sonya thought she could make out little blue flecks, too. "Hmm," she grunted. "Pretty pills. Who'd have thought?" With that, she stuck the tablet in her mouth and washed it down with a swig of root beer. Then she put the bag and the bottle back into the pocket on her chair.   
  
Just then, Xander returned from his foray to the phone.   
  
"Is she pissed?" Sonya asked, unable to stifle a smile.   
  
"She wasn't home." Xander sighed. "She went to The Cellar with Oz. Joyce said she thought maybe we were meeting there."   
  
"You realize you're going to have to do some serious making up time, don't you?" Sonya asked.   
  
"Yeah." Xander looked over at Sonya and added, "Hey, want to come with me? You haven't been to The Cellar yet, have you? It's pretty fun, and you can save me from Buffy if she gets murderous."   
  
Sonya laughed. "You big chicken! All right, you talked me into it. I'll go. But just remember, you owe me one."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
By the time the Dingoes had finished their first set and Oz came over to say hello, Buffy had about decided Xander was a big flake and was never coming. But when Oz approached their couch, Buffy put on a smile and introduced him to Amy.   
  
"Nice to meet you," Amy said with a big smile for the guitarist. "I really enjoyed your set. You guys rock."   
  
"Thanks," Oz said, sitting down in an overstuffed chair with denim upholstery that was across from the couch. "We're still learning, though."   
  
Seeing that they were going to get along all right, Buffy stood with her empty glass and said, "I'm going to dispose of this. Be right back."   
  
She walked slowly toward the bar, trying to decide what to do next. She was stuck at The Cellar until Oz was done playing, unless she could convince Amy to give her a ride home. But Amy seemed content to stay for awhile. She set the empty glass on the edge of the bar with a thank-you smile to the bartender, and then felt someone tap her on the shoulder.   
  
Buffy turned, a happy expression leaping to her face. "Xan..." The word and the smile died on her lips when she saw it wasn't him. Instead it was a big guy wearing a Calvin High letterman's jacket. He was kind of attractive in a jock sort of way -- big biceps, good body, thick neck, blue eyes and blond hair. "Yes?" she asked.   
  
"I was wondering if you'd like to dance with me?" The guy was attractively shy, but Buffy suspected it was all just an act. After all, how many football studs are really shy.   
  
"What's your name?"   
  
The guy replied, "Lance, Lance Roundman."   
  
Buffy glanced toward the spiral staircase one last time. No Xander. Then she looked consideringly at Lance. (It's not like I'm going on a date with him. It's just a friendly dance between two new acquaintances, right?) she told herself. Then she nodded at Lance. "Sure. I'm Buffy, by the way."   
  
Lance took her arm and escorted her to the dance floor. They moved into the middle of the crowd and started moving to the pulsating beat of the music coming over the sound system while the band was on break. A few seconds later, the music changed over to a slow song.   
  
"If you want, we can sit this one out," Lance said.   
  
Buffy was impressed in spite of herself. What a gentleman! Most guys would use this as an excuse to swoop her into an embrace and cop a feel. "No," she decided, "we can keep dancing, if you want to."   
  
"Great!" Lance held her in a loose embrace as they swayed to the music. Buffy kept to her own dance space -- not letting her head rest on his chest like she would have with Xander. After a minute of silence, Lance asked her to tell him a little about herself.   
  
"Well," Buffy said, not wanting to lead the guy on, "I should tell you, I have a boyfriend."   
  
"I kind of figured," Lance admitted in a disappointed tone that was quite flattering. "But that's OK. I just wanted the chance to talk to you for a minute. I've seen you here a few times and always wanted to come over and introduce yourself. But you were always with that other guy -- I guess your boyfriend."   
  
"Yeah, that's my Xander," Buffy said with a small smile. She didn't want to rub it in.   
  
"Where is he tonight?" Lance wanted to know. "I'm surprised he let you get away. If you were my girlfriend, I'd be afraid another guy would swoop in on you." His chuckle was a little abashed, as he realized that now he was actually doing the swooping, kind of.   
  
"Oh, Xander's not like that," Buffy said with confidence. "We have a trusting relationship. And tonight we just got our signals crossed on when we were meeting. What about you? Tell me about yourself."   
  
"Oh, well, I play football for Calvin. I'm a senior."   
  
"Do you like that?"   
  
"Sure, it's fun."   
  
Buffy was starting to get a little bored. Then she had a good idea. "Hey, Lance, how would you like to dance with my friend Amy. I happen to know for a fact that she *doesn't* have a boyfriend." The perfect solution, Buffy decided -- Amy and Lance could have a fun dance without worrying about propriety.   
  
"That girl that was sitting with you?" When Buffy nodded, Lance agreed enthusiastically.   
  
"Great," Buffy said, moving out of his arms. She grabbed his wrist as they moved through the crowd so as not to lose him. She was pulling him behind her over to the couch where she'd left Oz and Amy when she suddenly came up short. There was Xander, with Sonya right behind him ((How the heck had he gotten Sonya down the stairs?)) and he was staring at her with the angriest expression she'd ever seen on his face.   
  
"Xander..." she called, dropping Lance's hand like a hot poker.   
  
Xander didn't say anything. Instead, he turned around and walked toward the exit.   
  
Buffy stood there for a moment, feeling Lance's confused gaze, Oz and Amy's sympathetic eyes and Sonya's angry stare on her. Then she turned and ran after Xander, hoping she could still catch him. 


	8. Chapter 7

Destiny Lost   
  
#2: In the Space of Desire   
  
Authors: Sonya and Erin   
  
E-mail: sonyajeb@swbell.net OR carynsilver@yahoo.com   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Category: B/X, O/Other, AU, action/adventure, romance   
  
Summary: This is a sequel to our epic saga "In the Space of a Heartbeat," which is a story about what would happen if Buffy had never gotten the Slayer powers.   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy or any of the original characters or ideas from the show. They all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. All we own is our own creative genius (unless that's too strong a word :) and any characters we make up.   
  
Distribution: Regulars... SURE!!! Newbies... ask and you shall recieve!   
  
Feedback: Love it! We want to know your likes AND dislikes. Flames are the only thing we do not accept.   
  
Spoilers: None much for the shows, but heavy spoilers for the earlier installments of this fanfic series!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Chapter Seven   
  
The Cellar   
  
Buffy ran after Xander, and finally caught up with him near the bar.   
  
"Xander, wait!" she cried, grabbing his arm and pulling him around. She had to use a little extra force, and Xander staggered. "I'm sorry!" she said, letting go.   
  
Xander removed his arm from her grip with a grimace. "You should be more careful. I think you left a bruise." No teasing lightened his words at all.   
  
"Look, I'm sorry about Lance," Buffy said quickly, "but you have to know that we were just dancing. I waited for you forever. I got bored and he asked me to dance. That's all there is to it. I even told him I have a boyfriend."   
  
"Then why were you holding hands with him," Xander accused.   
  
"We weren't holding hands!" Buffy protested. "I was bringing him back to introduce him to Amy."   
  
Xander rolled his eyes and looked away, the cold expression never leaving his face. Buffy started to get angry herself.   
  
"Why are you treating me like this anyway?" she demanded loudly. "You're the one who left me hanging! You were supposed to pick me up hours ago. I was afraid you'd had a wreck or something." That was an exaggeration, but once it was out Buffy wasn't about to take it back. He owed her some explanations, too.   
  
Suddenly, Xander's clouded expression cleared. He blinked and then he pulled her into a hug. "You're right, I'm so, so sorry Buffy. I didn't mean to forget. I don't know what came over me."   
  
Back in his arms where she belonged, Buffy felt the tension of the fight melt away. "I'm sorry, too. I guess I shouldn't have danced with another guy."   
  
"No," Xander protested, "you weren't doing anything wrong. I mean, we don't have to be that possessive of each other, do we? I'm sorry I got jealous."   
  
Buffy looked up at him and smiled. She still felt a little uncertain about his rapid mood swings, but she wanted things to be OK between them so she would meet him halfway. "I accept your apology."   
  
He leaned down and gave her a small kiss, which she returned. Then she asked, "Where were you all this time, anyway?"   
  
"Sonya was hungry after her appointment. I took her to Sal's." As they started walking slowly back toward the others, he put his arm around her shoulder. "I just completely forgot we had plans tonight. Sonya and I started talking and reminiscing... I'm such a flake."   
  
"Well, if you're not going to obsess over me dancing with Lance, then I won't obsess about you taking your friend to dinner," Buffy promised. "By the way, how did the appointment go?"   
  
"It went great!" Xander told her enthusiastically. "This Dr. Keller really thinks he can help her. He's got her on treatments already."   
  
"Wow," Buffy remarked. "That's fast."   
  
"Well, what else does he have to do here?"   
  
"True." She looked up at him. "How did you get Sonya downstairs anyway?"   
  
"Oh, I tipped the doorman upstairs and he let us in the emergency door around back. That's the one with the ramp for bringing down supplies," Xander explained.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
When Buffy ran off after Xander, Sonya, Amy, Lance and Oz sat and stood in awkward silence for a moment. Sonya found that she couldn't really look at Oz without remembering how mean she had been to him that morning.   
  
Finally, Amy said, "Hi, Sonya."   
  
"Hey," Sonya replied. "It's been awhile."   
  
"Yeah."   
  
When that conversational gambit petered out, Amy turned to Lance. "Hi, I'm Amy Madison."   
  
"Lance Roundman," the football player replied. "Buffy actually brought me over here to meet you, but I guess things didn't go quite as she planned."   
  
"Not hardly," Oz muttered from his chair in the corner.   
  
Amy smiled at Lance. "Well, I'm glad to meet you anyway. And I'm sure things will be fine..."   
  
While Amy babbled perkily to Lance, Sonya finally glanced over at Oz. She found him staring at her. Sonya looked away quickly. The words "I'm sorry" came to her lips, but she bit them back. Then she looked up and saw Xander and Buffy coming back, all smiles and lovey-dovey again.   
  
"Hey, guys," Xander said sheepishly. "Sorry about that."   
  
"Xander," Buffy said, "I want you to meet Lance. He goes to Calvin High."   
  
Xander stepped forward and shook Lance's hand with a firm grip. "Hi."   
  
"Hey, nice to... um... meet you," Lance said uncertainly. He looked around at all the awkwardness and then blurted, "Look uh... I've got to go see what my pals are up to." He shrugged. "I rode with them and they might be wanting to leave or something..."   
  
Buffy smiled at him, not noticing the sharp glance Sonya gave her, and tried to make him feel more comfortable. "That's cool, Lance. We understand. Maybe we'll see you next time."   
  
"Yeah, maybe." And with that, Lance beat a hasty retreat to the other side of the room.   
  
"Darn, and he was such a cutie," Amy remarked to no one in particular. When no one laughed, or even said anything, Amy said, "You know, I think it's about time for me to go home. Wouldn't want to be too exhausted for my first day back at school tomorrow."   
  
"Yeah," Sonya spoke up. "I really need to get home, too." She looked at Xander pointedly. "Are you still driving me?"   
  
Xander looked helplessly from Buffy to Sonya. "Um... well..."   
  
Buffy really wanted to ride home with Xander, but she didn't want to say that out loud. If she said it out loud then she'd look bad for forcing Sonya to find another ride. Not a big deal for most people, but for Sonya... Also, Buffy wanted Xander to say he wanted her to ride with him. She waited for a minute.   
  
"I've got to go," Oz said suddenly. "Another set." Then he left, heading back stage. Buffy envied him his easy escape route from the uncomfortable situation.   
  
"Well," Amy offered, "someone can go with me." She looked at Sonya pointedly, who ignored her.   
  
Buffy stood there, letting the silence lengthen. Xander continued to glance between her and Sonya, like a deer trapped between two oncoming cars. Finally she blurted, "Thank you, Amy. I'd love a ride."   
  
"Buffy..." Xander called as she grabbed Amy's arm and started to walk away.   
  
"Call me later," Buffy replied brusquely, leaving him alone with Sonya.   
  
Once they were gone, Xander sighed. "Well, none of that went exactly as I had hoped."   
  
"Let's go home, Xander," Sonya said quietly. "Everything will be better after a good night's sleep. You'll see."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
The next morning, Giles was surprised when the phone rang. Sonya had gotten in rather late the night before, so he grabbed it up on the first ring. He thought perhaps it was Angel calling to report some odd happening on last night's patrol -- the souled vampire usually gave Buffy and Xander a night or two off every week. Giles encouraged the practice when nothing unusually dire was happening. It kept the two teens from being too distracted by each other while patrolling.   
  
"Hello?" Giles asked into the receiver. But instead of Angel, the voice on the other end of the phone was feminine.   
  
"Mr. Giles?"   
  
"Yes?" The voice was American, so it wasn't someone from the Council calling to check up on him...   
  
"This is Joyce Summers. Buffy's mother."   
  
"Oh?" Giles replied, wondering why she was calling.   
  
"I hope you don't mind me calling you at home. I got the number from Buffy."   
  
"It's fine. Has something happened to Buffy?"   
  
"Oh, no," Joyce hastened to assure him. "Nothing like that. Actually, I was calling to set up a meeting with you."   
  
"Really? Is something wrong?"   
  
"No, no," Joyce said again, "I would just like to meet you and talk about the tutoring program you and Buffy are doing. It's working very well. She's already bringing up her grades."   
  
Giles didn't really know what to say. He realized he would have to talk to Buffy first and see what was going on with her mother. Finally, before the silence could get too lengthy, he suggested, "Well then, how about this afternoon. About four thirty?"   
  
"That would be fine," Joyce agreed. "I'll leave the gallery a little early and see you then."   
  
They said goodbye and hung up. Giles stood there, staring at the phone and wondering what in the world he would say to Buffy's mother. He had never met the woman before. It would definitely be interesting.   
  
"Who was on the phone?"   
  
Giles turned to see Sonya sitting in the doorway of the kitchen. "Mrs. Summers."   
  
"What did she want?"   
  
"I'm not exactly sure. I think she wants to be more involved in her child's life."   
  
"Oh, great! That's all we need."   
  
Giles moved to the refrigerator. "Do you want anything for breakfast?" he asked. "We have eggs."   
  
Sonya looked up, surprised. "You can cook?"   
  
"I'll have you know that I can make quite a mean omelet on occasion." Giles smiled at her, noticing that she looked more down that usual this morning. "Is everything all right? How did your doctor's appointment go?"   
  
"It went fine." Sonya went about the business of fixing herself a bowl of cereal. "I'll have eggs tomorrow, OK?"   
  
"Up to you," Giles replied, handing her the milk.   
  
Sonya pulled out a pill bottle and popped a purple tablet into her mouth, washing it down with a spoonful of milk from her bowl. Giles quickly fixed her a glass of orange juice. "Here you go."   
  
"Thanks." Sonya looked up at him. "What's going on here? Why are you being so butler-like?"   
  
"Can't I help you every once in awhile?" Giles asked. "You are my ward, after all. Now, what happened at the doctor's office, and how much are these pills and treatments costing me?"   
  
With a happy smile, Sonya explained to him everything Dr. Keller had said. Giles couldn't keep a smile from his lips. It sounded so good. He really hoped it would all work out. He didn't want to see her hurt again. And for Sonya to be able to walk again... Giles knew he would do almost anything to have that happen.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Xander never called Buffy, and Buffy wasn't very happy about it. When he wasn't in English class that morning the part of her that was glad not to have to deal with the situation out-weighed the part of her that wondered what had happened to him.   
  
Buffy was glad to find Amy in several of her classes that day. She and the new girl were hitting it off quite nicely. Buffy was glad to finally have a normal girl friend -- a friendship where she didn't have to constantly worry about every little thing she said.   
  
Amy, Buffy and Oz had lunch together in the cafeteria.   
  
"Did you see Xander yet?" Amy asked when they sat down.   
  
Buffy sighed. "Nope. He's been conspicuously absent this morning."   
  
"I saw him," Oz volunteered. "In the parking lot with Sonya after second. I guess he drove her."   
  
"Maybe they stopped for breakfast on the way," Buffy mumbled. "What is his deal today? And last night, too, for that matter? We just got everything worked out, and then he's acting all weird again."   
  
Amy shrugged. "Maybe it's fear of commitment. Maybe the two of you were getting to close and it freaked him out."   
  
"No!" Buffy protested. "That doesn't make any sense. Xander's not like that."   
  
"It's not like him to ignore you either," Oz said, gesturing to the window.   
  
Buffy followed his gesture and saw Xander and Sonya eating together outside. She frowned and turned pointedly away from the window. "Jerk," she muttered under her breath.   
  
Amy exchanged a worried glance with Oz, but aloud she said, "Maybe he's just trying to bolster her for the next doctor's appointment this afternoon or something. Or maybe he's feeling just as awkward as you are and hence the avoidance."   
  
"Maybe," Buffy agreed. She wanted to look back out the window, but she wouldn't let herself.   
  
The rest of the day was Xander-free as well. When Buffy got to the library after school only Giles was there.   
  
"Hi," she greeted him quietly. "Where is everybody?"   
  
Giles looked up distractedly. "Oh... ahem... Xander took Sonya to her appointment with Dr. Keller. I would have done it, but I have a meeting with your mother here in a little less than an hour."   
  
Buffy sat her books down and hopped up onto the table. "She followed through with it, did she?"   
  
"Yes. Do you know why?"   
  
"She wants to be more involved in my life," Buffy said. "You know, Giles, it's really hard lying to her like this." Buffy hesitated, and then plunged in on a subject in which she already knew the Watcher to be immobile. "I really wish I could tell her the truth! It would make things so much easier. I think, subconsciously, Mom knows I'm keeping something from her. That's why she's snooping around now. It's making it hard for me to patrol."   
  
"No!" Giles snapped. "If I've told you one time, I've told you a thousand times. Being the Slayer requires the strictest secrecy. Your mother is a target, simply because she's your mother. What if someone kidnaps her to get to you. If she knows anything, she will not be able to withstand. It's too risky!"   
  
Angry, Buffy hopped off the table and strode over to the circulation desk, her boots clicking on the tile floor with each step.   
  
"First of all," she said, ticking each thing off on a well-manicured finger, "you're a good one to talk about secrecy, oh recruiter of the Pseudo-Slayer. Secondly, my mother isn't the biggest wimp in the world. And third, if she knew everything, she wouldn't rat us out. She's not like that!"   
  
"For the last time, no, Buffy!" Giles said, looking her straight in the eye.   
  
Buffy paused at the anger she saw there. "Giles," she said softly, "are you OK? Is there something else wrong?"   
  
The librarian hesitated, and then the library doors opened. Joyce walked in saying, "I'm sorry I'm early, but I got off early and..." The shutters to Giles' soul few up again and he was all stuffy Brit.   
  
"Hello, Mrs. Summers."   
  
"Oh, please," Joyce said with a big grin, "call me Joyce. Mrs. Summers is Hank's mother."   
  
"You know what?" Buffy said, gathering her books together. "I'm going to vacate and let you two talk. Easier for you to talk about me if I'm not here, right?"   
  
"Wait, Buffy," Giles said, giving her a meaningful look. "We didn't finish with that history section."   
  
"I'll go home and work on it right now," Buffy said, realizing that she was blowing off training, and not even caring. "If I have problems, I'll give you a ring later." She walked quickly to the doors before Giles could come up with something else. "Bye, Mom. See you at home!"   
  
When the doors slammed shut behind Buffy, Joyce turned to Giles. "Is she always this excitable around you?"   
  
"Er... yes... quite," Giles mumbled.   
  
Joyce laughed, "And I thought it was just around me."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Finally, about six o'clock, after Buffy and her mother had finished dinner and Buffy had finished grilling Joyce about her uneventful meeting with Giles, Buffy couldn't stand it anymore. She called Xander's house. When his mother picked up the phone, Buffy asked, "Is Xander home?"   
  
"Um... actually no," Mrs. Harris said in an uncertain tone. "I don't believe he is."   
  
"Do you know where he went or when he'll be back."   
  
"Er.. no, I don't."   
  
After keeping a firm grip on the tongue that wanted to demand how she could call herself a good mother, Buffy just said, "Tell him Buffy called, please." Then she hung up.   
  
"No luck?" Joyce asked, pausing by Buffy's bedroom door.   
  
Buffy shook her head. "No. He's not home."   
  
"I'm sure it will all be all right," Joyce said, coming in and sitting next to her daughter on the bed. "Xander's really in love with you. I can see it every time he looks at you. He probably just doesn't know how to get over this first rough spot."   
  
Buffy gave her mother a small smile, glad she'd confided in her over dinner. "Amy said something like that, too."   
  
"Well, then, we must be right," Joyce assured her.   
  
After a minute, Buffy stood up and threw a sweatshirt on over her jeans.   
  
"Are you going out, honey?" Joyce asked.   
  
Buffy picked up her backpack-style purse. It was full to the brim with stakes, crosses and holy water, but her mother didn't know that. Sunset had come and gone an hour before, and Buffy had to patrol. And since she hadn't talked to Xander, apparently she was patrolling alone tonight. But, Buffy knew she couldn't tell her mother any of that, so aloud she said, "Yeah, I think I'm going to try and find Xander so we can talk things out. He might be at the Coffee Shoppe."   
  
"That's a good idea, dear," Joyce said with a motherly smile. "I'm sure it will all work out well. You'll see. Do you need a ride?"   
  
"No," Buffy said. "It's not that far. Nothing in Sunnydale is that far. I can walk." 


	9. Chapter 8

Destiny Lost   
  
#2: In the Space of Desire   
  
Authors: Sonya and Erin   
  
E-mail: sonyajeb@swbell.net OR carynsilver@yahoo.com   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Category: B/X, O/Other, AU, action/adventure, romance   
  
Summary: This is a sequel to our epic saga "In the Space of a Heartbeat," which is a story about what would happen if Buffy had never gotten the Slayer powers.   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy or any of the original characters or ideas from the show. They all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. All we own is our own creative genius (unless that's too strong a word :) and any characters we make up.   
  
Distribution: Regulars... SURE!!! Newbies... ask and you shall recieve!   
  
Feedback: Love it! We want to know your likes AND dislikes. Flames are the only thing we do not accept.   
  
Spoilers: None much for the shows, but heavy spoilers for the earlier installments of this fanfic series!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Chapter Eight   
  
Sal's Diner   
  
"What is it with you and the hot fudge sundaes?" Sonya asked Xander that evening.   
  
After her second doctor's appointment, he'd been more than willing to go out to dinner again. That surprised her, but this time Sonya promised herself that she was not going to spoil it by mentioning Buffy. Even so, she was hard pressed not to ask why Xander had been avoiding her all day. She was a little surprised when she brought the subject up herself.   
  
"A sweet tooth, I guess," Xander said. "You know, Parker, this has been a really great day. No Buffy to worry about."   
  
Sonya's mouth dropped open. "Now I know that doctor is doing something weird to me," she said. "I must be hallucinating. You're dissing on the perfect Buffy Summers?"   
  
"She's not perfect," Xander said. Sonya had never heard quite that tone in his voice before. "She's really big into the pouting. She's probably still pissed that I didn't call her last night. She kept giving me these looks all day. I just pretended not to see her."   
  
"What is with you tonight, Xander?" Sonya demanded, laying her spoon down on the table with a clatter. "I mean, I'm having fun and all, but you're starting to be very strange."   
  
Xander leaned over until his face was right up to hers. "What do you mean strange?"   
  
Sonya leaned back out of reflex. "I never before in my life heard you say anything about Buffy that wasn't moony and complimentary. And what are you doing all up in my face?"   
  
"Umm... I dunno." Xander looked at her for a minute longer and then sat back down on his side of the booth.   
  
A thought popped into Sonya's head, and try as she might she couldn't get it out of there. Finally, she asked, "Are you and Buffy breaking up?" After she said it she realized how out of context that sounded, so Sonya tried to make up for it. "I mean, it's just that you're being so blase about Buffy. That never happens. Maybe you've decided that you and she don't make sense together?"   
  
Xander seemed to ponder what she said while Sonya took out her pill. The doctor had been very specific -- three times a day. Before she'd completely swallowed it, Xander replied, "You know, I think you're right. Buffy and I don't make any sense at all. It's like I've had blinders on these past few weeks."   
  
Sonya's heart caught in her throat. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? "Are you serious? You're going to break up with Buffy just like that? Why?" A small part of Sonya felt a little bad for Buffy, but most of her was more intent on what Xander would say next.   
  
"I think I got into the whole Buffy thing way to hastily," Xander said. "I think it was more hormones and lust than real love."   
  
"Wow!" Sonya couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You know, I thought that at the time, but you wouldn't have listened to me. You were way too hung up on her."   
  
Xander reached across the table and took Sonya's hand in his own. For a second, Sonya stopped breathing. It was like her dreams were coming to life. It was amazing! She was afraid if she moved it would stop. Xander squeezed her hand and looked deeply into her eyes.   
  
"Since we've been spending all this time together these past couple of days, I realized something, Parker. You're the girl I'm in love with. Not Buffy -- you."   
  
A tear escaped from the corner of Sonya's eye. "You'd better really mean this, Xander," she said, smiling through her tears. "If this is your idea of a joke..."   
  
"No joke," Xander interrupted her. "I'm serious. I know the truth now. You and I are meant to be together." He leaned forward as if to kiss her, but Sonya pulled back.   
  
"Even though I'm in this thing?" Sonya hit the arm rest of her wheelchair with her free hand. "I always swore that I would never get involved with anyone while I'm in this. I wouldn't want to curse anyone to living with only half a person."   
  
"You've never been half a person to me," Xander said softly. "If this is half of you, I could never handle all of you."   
  
"You could be right about that," Sonya said, laughing again with sheer delight. After all, how often did one's dreams come true? This time when Xander moved to kiss her, she did nothing to stop him. Instead, she gave herself up to the sheer enjoyment of the moment.   
  
"Ug..."   
  
Xander's grunt made Sonya open her eyes. Another laugh bubbled out of her throat when she saw that Xander had put his hand in the remains of their hot fudge sundae.   
  
"Yuck," she said.   
  
"Wanna get out of here?" Xander asked, wiping his hand off on a napkin.   
  
"Yeah!" At that point, Sonya would have agreed to do anything Xander asked.   
  
Xander was paying the bill, and Sonya was getting her things together when she looked up and saw Oz standing in the aisle watching her. Sonya swallowed nervously.   
  
"How long have you been here?"   
  
"Long enough," Oz replied.   
  
A hot blush covered her cheeks, and Sonya didn't reply.   
  
"Yeah," Oz said, "I've been here *that* long." His hooded gaze flitted from her to Xander and back again. "I can't believe you two."   
  
"Hey," Sonya protested, "I didn't start it."   
  
"But you didn't stop it, either."   
  
A stab of guilt hit Sonya, but she didn't want to feel guilty. She wanted to enjoy this time with Xander. When Sonya felt guilty, she lashed out. And Oz was the one standing in the way.   
  
"Well you know what, Oz? This is none of your damn business!" Sonya yelled. "I think you should just get yourself out of here."   
  
Xander, who had just finished paying, came over to her and took stock of the situation. "Yeah, Oz," he said in a threatening tone. "Quit messing with Sonya, or I'll have to do something about it."   
  
For a split second, Sonya thought they were going to fight. Oz had an unusually angry gleam in his eyes. But then the gleam snuffed out, and Oz turned to leave.   
  
"Do you think he'll tell Buffy?" Sonya asked. "I mean, you really ought to be the one to do that."   
  
"I'll call her later," Xander replied in a casual tone. "C'mon. Let's book." He headed for the door, and she followed. As Xander helped her into the jeep, Sonya saw the zebra-striped van pulling out of the parking lot. She wondered if Oz was running over to Buffy's to tell her about this...   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Buffy reached into her backpack and pulled out a stake which she quickly secreted in the front pocket of her sweatshirt. She scanned the empty, residential street again, but still could find no reason for the weird feeling creeping up and down her spine. She had been patrolling for an hour and found nothing untoward.   
  
"All the creepy-crawlies must be staying in tonight," she said to herself.   
  
"I guess so."   
  
Buffy jumped and spun, stake at the ready. Then she relaxed when she saw who it was. "Angel."   
  
The tall, dark, brooding vampire fell in step with her and they continued patrolling together. "My watch has been pretty empty these past few nights, as well," he said.   
  
"I hope that doesn't mean that something apocalyptic is coming," Buffy replied with a sigh. "That's all I need."   
  
Angel looked closely at her. "Are you all right?"   
  
"Mostly," Buffy answered. But she couldn't meet his dark gaze. Finally she admitted, "Xander and I have hit a rocky patch."   
  
"What happened?"   
  
Maybe it was just that she needed a listening ear, but somehow, Buffy found herself telling the vampire everything. He listened to the whole story without saying anything.   
  
"...so now I don't know why he's avoiding me, and it's driving me crazy," she finished.   
  
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Angel asked. "I don't know if it would do any good, but I'd try."   
  
Buffy smiled. "Thanks, Angel, but I think this is something we've got to figure out on our own."   
  
They turned the familiar corner that would take them past one of Sunnydale's leading cemeteries. "Care to patrol in here with me?" Buffy asked. It was kind of nice to have a semi-friend along for awhile.   
  
The Slayer and the vampire made a circuit around the cemetery. Nothing seemed to be out of place. Buffy was just about to suggest they head on to the next stop, the park, when she heard a suspicious rustling sound behind a nearby grouping of headstones. Looking up, she saw that Angel had heard the same thing. Buffy gestured for him to go around the left side, and she circled over from the right.   
  
Buffy almost laughed when she sprang around the headstones to see a couple making out in the grass. The guy was laying all over the girl, and he didn't have a shirt on. The girl underneath him, still in most of her clothes though her top was unbuttoned, gasped.   
  
"I'm sorry," Buffy said, and was about to turn away, but something stopped her. Something incredibly familiar that she just couldn't believe. Then her eyes landed on the wheelchair sitting nearby. "Oh, no," Buffy whispered.   
  
The couple sprang apart, and her worst fear was confirmed. Xander and Sonya!   
  
"So this is why you've been avoiding me?" Buffy demanded between the sobs that were ripping her apart. "You're having an affair with *her*? How could you, Xander? How could you?"   
  
Angel appeared on the other side, and looked from one to the other with an expression of extreme distaste. But he didn't say anything.   
  
Xander reached for his shirt and put it back on. "Look, Buffy, I was going to drop by your place after you patrolled. I've been meaning to tell you that I think we should see other people."   
  
Buffy tried to think of something witty, biting and hurtful to say, but she couldn't come up with a single thing. The only thing running through her mind was "how could they, how could they, how could they...?"   
  
Sonya looked up from buttoning her shirt. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Xander," she said, "maybe you and Buffy should go talk or something."   
  
Still silent, Buffy started to back up slowly. Angel moved toward her, as if sensing that she might need help. The vampire gave Xander a look of loathing and disgust.   
  
"This is wrong, Xander," Angel finally said. "You know that, right?"   
  
Xander glared at Angel. "Stay out of this, Dead Boy! It's none of your business." Then he looked down at Sonya. "Don't worry, babe. I know what I'm doing."   
  
His eyes lifted to meet Buffy's as he spoke. Each word he said felt like another dagger thrust into her heart. "Buffy, it was fun, but I realized today that I have to move on. My future is with Sonya."   
  
"You don't mean that," Buffy whispered. (How could you, how could you, how could you...)   
  
"Xander!"   
  
Sonya's piercing shriek brought all eyes down to her. She pointed at her legs. She'd removed her sandals during their makeout session, and now her feet were bare. In the clear, clean moonlight, they could all see the same thing -- her toes slowly wiggling back and forth.   
  
"Oh, babe, that's wonderful!" Xander cried, and swooped down to give her another long kiss. "Long live Dr. Keller!"   
  
That was all Buffy could take. She turned and began to run, oblivious to everything but her own pain. With one last glance at the couple on the ground, Angel followed her. Buffy ran and ran and ran -- out of the cemetery and several blocks down the road. Angel kept up with no effort. Finally, she stopped as the sobs got the best of her. When Angel walked over and put his arms around her, she didn't resist. Instead, she cried on his shoulder, using his shirt for a Kleenex.   
  
Angel smoothed her hair while she cried. He murmured comforting words to her. "It's OK, Buffy. It will be all right. Let it all out. Don't worry."   
  
When she had calmed down a little, Buffy suddenly thrust herself from Angel's grasp. "What do you mean, 'it will be all right'? It will never be all right again!" She paused, and gave him a bitter look. "You don't know what it's like to have the person you love tromp all over your heart like it's their own personal punching bag. You have no idea at all!"   
  
She turned away from him and started walking away, this time with purpose -- to get away from Angel.   
  
Angel watched her go, his eyes filled with sadness. "That's where you're wrong, Buffy. I do know how that feels. I know very well."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Buffy roamed the streets for awhile, and then she decided to head home. She wanted her mother to hug her and tell her it was all going to be all right. Angel, Buffy wouldn't believe, but somehow her mother could make the lie sound convincing. And her mother knew how it felt...   
  
(How could he, how could he, how could he do this to me...)   
  
"Oh, look, a lonely little girl. Hello, little girl."   
  
The voice came from behind her. Buffy turned and saw a thin, willowy young girl with long, dark hair and lots of dark eyeliner. As Buffy watched, the girl's luminous face changed shape, revealing the hideous visage of a vampire.   
  
Buffy pulled her stake out of her pocket, and dropped the backpack where it would be in easy reach if she needed it. Then she planted her feet firmly on the ground and waited for the vamp-chick to come to her.   
  
"C'mon," Buffy challenged, "I'm dying for someone to pound on." She tried to keep her voice down, since they were in someone's front yard. The lights in most of the houses were off, so Buffy assumed most people were asleep.   
  
The vampire girl ran straight for Buffy.   
  
"The direct approach," Buffy remarked with a nod. "I like it. It's refreshing." She angled her body and when the vamp was close enough she threw her over her hip. "Refreshing, but not exceptionally challenging."   
  
But the girl was on her feet again quickly. Buffy punched her, and the girl staggered back. Then the vampire skipped in and landed a kick on Buffy's knee. Buffy yelped in sudden pain, but kept fighting. She lunged with the stake, but the vamp-chick danced out of the way. Buffy tried to follow, but the pain in her knee forced her to limp.   
  
"If you broke something I'm really going to make you pay," Buffy grunted, grabbing the girl's long sleeved shirt and ripping it as the vampire moved quickly away.   
  
"I'd like to see you try," the girl said with a laugh.   
  
Deciding to go for it, Buffy braced herself against the pain and let loose a flying kick. The kick struck home on the vamp's chest, but Buffy hit the ground wrong and agony flared in her knee. A wave of dizziness overcame her and she fell to the ground. The vampire was on her in seconds. Buffy thrashed, but the girl pinned her arms to her sides.   
  
"Now who's going to pay?" the vamp-chick hissed in her ear.   
  
Buffy heard a crashing sound behind her, and her heart sank. There were more...   
  
"Let her go!" The voice was familiar, but waves of dizziness and nausea kept Buffy from placing it. Then she heard some words in another language -- Latin she thought hazily. And suddenly she was free.   
  
Dragging herself to a sitting position, Buffy looked up and saw Amy standing there pointing toward the vamp-chick who floated several feet above the ground.   
  
"Go for it, Buffy," Amy said with a grin. "She's all yours."   
  
Buffy got to her feet, wavered a little, and then got her balance. It took most of her remaining strength, but she thrust the stake through the vampire's heart, and both she and Amy were showered in dust.   
  
"You're a witch..." Buffy murmured to Amy as she sank back down to the soft grass.   
  
Amy walked over and put an arm around Buffy's shoulders. "Yeah, well, I told you I did a lot more in Europe than visit museums. Now, let's get you home."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Somehow, Amy managed to get the semi-conscious Buffy home. Amy didn't have all the pieces of the puzzle, but she was starting to understand more and more about Sunnydale and its protectors.   
  
When Joyce answered Amy's knock at the door and saw Buffy, the two of them got Buffy upstairs and cleaned up.   
  
"What happened?" Joyce demanded as she wrapped Buffy's swollen knee in an Ace bandage and a cold pack.   
  
"A girl tried to... uh... steal her purse," Amy said, a bit proud of the fact that there was a little truth in the statement. "I'm Amy Madison, by the way."   
  
Joyce nodded distractedly. "Buffy mentioned you. Did this girl hit Buffy on the head? Should we be worried about concussion? Maybe we should take her to the emergency room!"   
  
The woman started to stand, but Amy put a calming hand on her arm. "I didn't see all of the fight, but from what Buffy said in the car I think it's just shock that made her faint, and the pain from the knee. And from what I can tell, the knee's just badly twisted and bruised -- no broken bones." Amy had checked Buffy out magically in the car, and been relieved at the results. The girl was already healing, much faster than a normal person would have.   
  
"You seem to know a lot about this," Joyce said.   
  
"I've taken first aid classes," Amy invented quickly. "Sleep should do her wonders."   
  
Joyce seemed to accept that, and soon Amy found herself being escorted to the door.   
  
"Let me know if I can do anything," Amy said. "Buffy has my number."   
  
"I will," Joyce said, "and thank you."   
  
Joyce closed the door, and slowly walked back upstairs to her daughter's room. There, she pulled out the big rocking chair and a quilt and settled in for another night-long vigil by her daughter's bed.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
After Buffy ran away from him, Angel turned and went back to the cemetery. He walked straight to the same patch of grass behind the same headstones, and lo and behold they were still there.   
  
Angel reached down, grabbed Xander by the shirt collar and hauled him up to his feet. "What the hell are you doing, Xander?"   
  
Sonya shrieked, and Xander wrenched himself free of the vampire's grip. "What the hell are you doing, Angel?" he mimicked, falling into a slaying-stance. "Think you can take me?"   
  
"I'm not here to 'take' you. I'm here to try and get through to you," Angel said bluntly. "You're making the biggest mistake of your life, and you've hurt Buffy more than anything I've ever seen. Maybe even more than her accident!"   
  
Xander sneered at Angel. "What are you now, her knight in shining armor, here to save the damsel in distress? Because let me tell you, Buffy is not a damsel in need of saving. She's the Slayer. She can slay anything that hurts her."   
  
"Even you?" Angel asked in a biting tone.   
  
The boy paused for a moment, and then his sneer came back. "Even me, but I doubt she'd go that far."   
  
"If she did," Angel said, disgust evident in his tone, "I wouldn't stop her."   
  
"Oh, really?" Xander shot back. "You must be in love with her! You've been in love with her all this time, haven't you? You were just waiting for us to break up so you could make your move! Well, go ahead, Romeo. Nothing's stopping you!"   
  
Angel looked at Xander, really looked at him. Sweat glistened from Xander's forehead, and soaked into the collar of his white T-shirt. His skin glowed palely in the moonlight, and his eyes were wild. It was the eyes that commanded the vampire's attention. The pupils were extremely dilated, and they rolled and darted every which way, as if Xander couldn't stay focused on one thing very long. As Angel watched, he thought he saw a flash of blue-violet in their dark brown depths.   
  
"Sonya!" Angel snapped, suddenly ignoring Xander. "Has anything odd happened to Xander tonight? Anything that would denote demon possession?"   
  
The girl on the ground glared up at Angel. "Aside from Xander declaring his feelings for me?" she demanded. "What... do you think that him loving me over Buffy is so impossible that only demon possession would make it happen?" Her scowl went from angry to furious, and she lunged at Angel. Of course, she got nowhere near to grabbing the vampire who stood a few feet away.   
  
"If I were still the Slayer, Dead Boy, you'd be ash by now," Sonya threatened, unconsciously using Xander's pet name for Angel.   
  
Angel was about to reply to Sonya when a punch to the jaw from Xander caught him off guard. He staggered backwards. "Xander, what are you trying to prove?"   
  
"You doubt my love for Sonya!" Xander cried wildly. "I'm proving it for you!" He swung again. Angel avoided the blow easily now that he was watching, but he didn't fight back.   
  
From her place on the ground, Sonya watched the men as she tried to fight back tears. "He does love me," she whispered to herself. "Xander wouldn't lie to me. He wouldn't. Angel's just trying to ruin it! I hate Angel!"   
  
Suddenly, Xander managed to connect another punch, and Angel actually lost his balance and hit the ground. Xander was on top of him in a second, pummeling and hitting the vampire everywhere he could reach. Angel managed to get his arms up, and he grabbed Xander by the torso and threw him off. Xander landed a couple of feet from Sonya -- just out of her reach -- dazed and moaning.   
  
"Xander!" Sonya cried. Maybe it was the emotion of the situation and her fear for the boy she'd loved for years, but Sonya found herself on her stomach, dragging herself across the ground toward him. Then suddenly, she felt an abrupt push from behind and she was there next to him.   
  
She glared up at Angel. "Call a doctor or something and quit staring at me!"   
  
"You moved your leg," Angel told her, stunned. "You pushed yourself over to Xander by moving your leg."   
  
Sonya caressed Xander's face with her fingers. "That doesn't matter! What matters is getting him to the doctor."   
  
Angel glanced at Xander. "He'll be fine when he gets his wind back. And when he does, you'd better tell him to stay the hell away from me." Then Angel vanished back into the shadows, leaving Sonya alone with her man. 


	10. Chapter 9

Destiny Lost   
  
#2: In the Space of Desire   
  
Authors: Sonya and Erin   
  
E-mail: sonyajeb@swbell.net OR carynsilver@yahoo.com   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Category: B/X, O/Other, AU, action/adventure, romance   
  
Summary: This is a sequel to our epic saga "In the Space of a Heartbeat," which is a story about what would happen if Buffy had never gotten the Slayer powers.   
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Buffy or any of the original characters or ideas from the show. They all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc. All we own is our own creative genius (unless that's too strong a word :) and any characters we make up.   
  
Distribution: Regulars... SURE!!! Newbies... ask and you shall recieve!   
  
Feedback: Love it! We want to know your likes AND dislikes. Flames are the only thing we do not accept.   
  
Spoilers: None much for the shows, but heavy spoilers for the earlier installments of this fanfic series!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Chapter Nine   
  
Summers' Residence   
  
Joyce sat by her daughter's bed all night, pushing herself gently back and forth in the big, old rocking chair. It felt like old times. Joyce had taken this chair to the hospital during all Buffy's lengthy stays. When dawn broke, Buffy finally moaned. Joyce sat forward, blinking her tiredness away.   
  
"Buffy, honey?"   
  
"How could..." Buffy muttered, followed by a few things Joyce couldn't distinguish. Though Buffy was still asleep, tears were flowing down her cheeks. Her eyes moved back and forth with a rapidity that denoted dreaming. Joyce touched Buffy's cheek. It was warm, too warm.   
  
"That's it," Joyce said decisively. "You are not going to school today. I'm going to go call them right now so they get the message first thing." Joyce hurried out of the room, a woman with a mission. She wondered how long she should wait before calling that nice girl Amy to get Buffy's assignments.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Buffy was standing in the dark. She could feel a breeze on her skin and grass under her bare toes, but she couldn't see anything. Buffy whimpered. She knew something was seriously wrong. She hurt -- not pain from a physical wound, but it hurt just as bad.   
  
"Xander," she whispered.   
  
A bright, white light flared before her, and suddenly Xander was there. She stepped toward him, but he floated back, just out of reach.   
  
"Where are you going?" she called desperately. "Wait!"   
  
But he floated away faster.   
  
"Help me, Buffy! Help me!"   
  
His voice drifted back to her on the wind, and then he was gone.   
  
The darkness around Buffy dissolved into a freaky, dim, red light. She looked around and found herself standing in the old factory that had once been Spike and Willow's lair. Buffy slowly walked forward and came up to the table where she had been strapped down and held prisoner by a sorcerer assassin from the Order of Taraka.   
  
A thin, pale face with cruel dark eyes topped by a shock of hair black as night floated in the air for a second.   
  
"You're too late, Buffy."   
  
"Too late for what?" she called, but the face vanished.   
  
"I will get the power..." The words echoed and the room began to spin. Buffy grabbed the table that had once been her prison and tried to hold on.   
  
She saw several brief images, mostly faces -- Amy, her mother, Angel, Sonya, Giles, Oz. Then there was Xander again, his face twisted in a rage that made him look feral. Then the silhouettes of a group of women bent over a candle. Words from a language she did not know assailed her ears, making her more dizzy. Buffy was only grateful that the words drowned out the echoes of the other voice -- the voice that ran chills up and down her spine. Then she closed her eyes and hung onto the table for dear life.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Sonya was running, trying to escape the darkness that threatened to overwhelm her. As she ran, her breath taking an almost tangible form in the cold night air around her, she felt the shadows reaching out with clawed hands to capture her.   
  
Her side began to hurt and she had to slow down a little. She squinted. The darkness was beginning to lighten -- to red. That spurred her forward again.   
  
Suddenly she could see images in the light, and the farther she went, the worse the images got: Giles looking at her with a disapproving, hateful glare; Buffy laying in a crumpled heap, moaning painfully; a thin, pale face with cruel dark eyes topped by a shock of hair black as night. Sonya wracked her brain, but couldn't recall ever seeing that face before in her life. Then the face, it was definitely male, began to laugh at her, causing icy fingers of dread to run up and down her spine. Turning away from him, she suddenly saw something that made her blood run cold. It was Xander, laying in a darkened room with a pool of blood forming near his head. His clothes were torn and his left arm was bent at an odd angle. He wasn't moving.   
  
"Xander!" she called shrilly, trying to go to his side. But she couldn't seem to move. It was like her feet were stuck to the floor.   
  
Then, as suddenly as the terrible images had appeared, they were gone and Sonya was bathed in an eerie, white light. She saw the silhouettes of a group of women bent over a candle. Words from a language she did not know assailed her ears, confusing her.   
  
"Stop it!" she cried, holding her hands over her ears. "Leave me alone!" She sank down to the ground, tears coursing down her cheeks. "Leave me alone," she whispered, brokenly. "Just leave me alone."   
  
A pair of hands grabbed her shoulders, pulling her to her feet roughly. Sonya looked up, startled out of her daze, and saw Oz looking at her with an intense expression on his face. "Oz," she murmured, clutching at his arms like a drowning person would clutch at a life preserver. "Help me... make it stop..."   
  
He didn't say a word to her, only leaned in and kissed her. Compared to some of the things she'd done with Xander lately, this kiss was almost chaste, but it still jolted her to her very core, awakening feelings in her that she'd never even realized she could have.   
  
He pulled away from her and said simply, "Deplore thy concupiscences, Sonya." Then he was gone, leaving her alone in her nightmare.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
When Buffy opened her eyes, her stomach was churning. She could taste bile in the back of her throat.   
  
"Oh, honey," Joyce said from the rocking chair, "you look positively green..." Then her mother's eyes widened and she lunged for the nearby trashcan, getting it to the side of the bed just in time as all the food Buffy had eaten in the past few hours spewed into the small, pink receptacle.   
  
When she was spent, Buffy sank back among her pillows. A sheen of sweat covered her face and she felt a little dizzy.   
  
"Mommy," she mumbled in a small voice, "I don' feel good."   
  
"You aren't going to school today," Joyce said in a firm tone. "I've already called in and told them."   
  
"Gotta go," Buffy protested weakly. "See Giles..."   
  
Joyce put a cool hand on Buffy's hot forehead. "No, you're running a fever. Don't worry about tutoring. Your friend Amy is bringing your assignments." Joyce stood up. "Now I'm going to go get you some juice. You need to get fluids in you, and if you can't keep anything down, we're going to the doctor."   
  
As her mother bustled out, Buffy sank down lower into the bed. Her knee twinged and hazy memories from the night before began to come back, and with them came the tears.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Sonya woke up from her nightmare with a start. Her heart was beating fast, and her legs were burning. Sonya moaned, and then stopped abruptly. Her legs were burning! She could feel her legs!   
  
Pushing the lingering images of her dream to a far corner of her mind to be analyzed later, she sat up and threw the covers off. Her legs actually looked a little pinker, but Sonya didn't know if that was real or just an illusion. She popped her morning pill from the bottle sitting on her night stand, and then sucked in a breath.   
  
"Well, girl," Sonya told herself, "if you're gonna do it, do it now."   
  
She slowly turned herself, positioning her legs so they dangled off the side of the bed. With one more deep breath, she set them flat on the floor. She could actually feel the carpet with her toes! Now came the test... Sonya slid her body off of the bed, and her legs supported her weight. She wobbled back and forth for a minute, and then found her balance.   
  
"Giles!" Sonya screamed. "Giles, get in here!"   
  
There was the sound of thumping footsteps and then Giles burst into the room. "What is it? What's wrong..." His voice trailed off into amazed silence as he took in the tableau before him.   
  
"The treatment," he managed, "it's working..."   
  
Sonya nodded. Then she tried to take a step... and tumbled to the ground. Giles swooped down to pick her up and set her in her chair.   
  
"It's all right," he murmured consolingly. "Don't worry about that -- instead, concentrate on the fact that you stood!"   
  
He put his hands on her shoulders, and she felt her anger and fear of falling fade away. Giles was right. The standing and the feeling was the important thing. Sonya couldn't wait to see Dr. Keller that afternoon and tell him the great news.   
  
Giles leaned down and gave her a hug. "You're so strong that you amaze me sometimes," he said. Then, as if embarrassed to have shown so much emotion, he hurried out of the room to fix the two of them breakfast.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
During lunch, Amy sat at the table where she, Buffy and Oz had sat the day before. She had a turkey sandwich and an apple in front of her, but she wasn't eating. The scene outside the window was making her ill.   
  
Sonya and Xander were playing kissy-face on the front lawn under the trees. Amy thought back to Joyce's call that morning, and she wondered how Xander could live with himself. Amy had no doubts that it was this Sonya thing that had made Buffy sick.   
  
"Hey." Oz slumped into his usual seat.   
  
"Hey," Amy replied with a sigh. "Sickening, isn't it?"   
  
"Worse." Oz turned away from the window. "Where's Buffy?"   
  
"She's really sick. Her mom said she's puking and running a fever."   
  
"This just keeps getting better and better."   
  
"Do you think there's anything we can do about it?" Amy asked. Then she looked at Oz -- really looked at him. There was something in his eyes... something that made Amy wonder what was really going on inside that head of his.   
  
"We could kill Xander," Oz replied in a dead-pan tone.   
  
Amy glanced sharply at him. His expression revealed nothing. "Anything besides homicide?" she tried again.   
  
Oz shrugged. Then he stood.   
  
"Are you all right?" Amy put a hand out to stop him from leaving.   
  
"Fine." He shook her hand off and walked away. Amy watched him go, a worry frown crinkling her forehead.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"I'll be right back, OK, babe?" Xander asked with an endearing lopsided smile that made Sonya forgive him this new tendency to call her "babe."   
  
"All right," she said with a smile. She watched him run into the school building with pride and pleasure. He was hers now... A footstep crunching the grass made her look to the side, and there stood Oz, looking at her with inscrutable eyes.   
  
"What do you want?" she demanded, extremely embarrassed to feel a slight flush creeping onto her cheeks. The images of her nightmare came back to haunt her and she could actually feel Oz's lips on hers as if it had been real and not just a dream.   
  
"Buffy's sick," Oz replied. "Buffy's never sick."   
  
"So," Sonya muttered defensively. "What does that have to do with me?" But inside she started to feel a little twinge of worry. Slayers rarely got sick.   
  
Oz squatted down so they were on eye-level. "It's got everything to do with you. Don't you see how things are spiraling out of control?"   
  
"You're not going in for the 'Xander's demon possessed' theory, are you?" Sonya demanded in a biting tone, trying to keep from crying. "Angel tried that one out on me last night. As if the only way someone could love me is not of their own free will."   
  
"I don't know if what's going on is real, or if there's something supernatural involved, but I don't like what it's doing to you, and to everyone else." Oz reached over and took her hand in his own, seldom-seen passion coloring his voice ever so slightly. "There were people who loved you before. You have a good and beautiful soul, Sonya. I noticed that the first day I saw you. But now something's clouding it. Let me help you."   
  
After that speech -- the longest she'd ever heard pass his lips -- Sonya sat back, thoughts swirling through her brain. She examined some of the guilt that she'd been holding in check, and it shamed her -- what she'd done to Buffy especially. Sonya was not going to just give Xander back to Buffy. What good would that do? Xander had made his decision. But Buffy did deserve something better... She looked up at Oz and smiled a little, feeling a rush of trust and compassion for this reticent young man.   
  
"Oz, what do you think I should do?"   
  
Then Oz was roughly pulled backwards and thrown onto the ground.   
  
"Get your measly paws off of my woman!" Xander yelled.   
  
Oz sprang to his feet, and before Xander could do anything, Oz landed a punch to his midsection. Xander doubled over in pain, but quickly recovered to throw himself onto Oz. The two boys hit the ground rolling and fighting.   
  
"Xander, stop it!" Sonya cried, watching helplessly. If she was still the Slayer she could have stopped this, but she wasn't...   
  
With a sudden surge of strength Oz pushed Xander off of him and stood up, panting. Xander stood up too.   
  
"It's not worth it," Oz said. His hooded gaze went from Xander, to Sonya, back to Xander. "I give up." Then he turned on his heel and walked off. Sonya watched him go, and saw Amy run up to him. Sonya frowned, feeling her gut twist painfully at the thought of something going on between Oz and the blonde, but then Xander took her attention.   
  
"What were you doing holding his hand?" Xander demanded angrily.   
  
"I wasn't holding his hand," Sonya protested. "He grabbed my hand. Do you really think I'd cheat on you, Xander, after everything I've gone through to get you in my life?" She paused, seeming to consider her words carefully. "I love you, Xander."   
  
The expression on his face softened and he leaned in to give her a small kiss. "You're right, Sonya. I'm sorry."   
  
Sonya held him tight in a long hug until the pressure of his arms around her drove the worries out of her head. But this time that tactic didn't work as well as it usually did...   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
At her doctor's appointment that day, Sonya didn't even have to wait. Nurse Jane ushered her straight back to the examination room. A few second later Dr. Keller came through the door with all his girth in tow.   
  
"How's my favorite patient?" he said, grinning from ear to ear.   
  
"I'm OK, Dr. Keller," Sonya replied.   
  
"Is something bothering you? You seem a bit perturbed." The doctor looked at her with concern.   
  
Sonya shook her head quickly. She was not going to bore the doctor with the trials and tribulations of her rapidly evolving social life. But she did have good news to share.   
  
"Not perturbed, more like ecstatic!" Then she filled him in on the toe wiggling and standing of the previous night and morning.   
  
"Wonderful!" Dr. Keller boomed. "You're progressing so much more quickly than I had hoped. You've already moved leaps and bounds... er... to coin a phrase... beyond my other patients."   
  
Sonya smiled, but didn't say anything. She attributed it to her Slayer genes. No more super-healing for her, but perhaps still a little more than normal people?   
  
"After today's treatment, you may actually be able to walk out of here."   
  
"You're kidding?" Sonya looked at him with wide eyes. She'd only dared think of this in her most secret dreams.   
  
Dr. Keller shook his head. "No, no I'm not."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
After her treatment, Sonya sat up, and under Dr. Keller's guidance, she slowly slipped off the large, metal table. Dr. Keller took her arm and steadied her until she found her balance. Then he moved a few feet away.   
  
"Walk to me," he ordered.   
  
Suddenly, Sonya panicked. "What if I can't?" Crossing this boundary was scary. If it failed, she didn't know if she could pick up the pieces.   
  
Dr. Keller's smiling face got suddenly cold. "Do it, Sonya. Do it now."   
  
That was just the prodding she needed. She took a step. Then another, then another. When she reached the doctor on the other side of the room she cried, "I'm doing it!" She stopped talking to savor the experience. She was stepping forward on her own two feet, not dependent on a chair for movement. She could feel the cold tile under her bare feet and the air conditioning cooled her bare legs underneath her robe.   
  
The doctor let her alone so she could change back into her street clothes, then he walked her -- albeit just a touch slowly -- out to the waiting room where Xander was slouched in a green chair. When he saw her standing there, Xander leapt from his chair and ran over to hug her tightly.   
  
"I can't believe it! This is wonderful!" he yelled, causing Nurse Jane to make a shushing noise from behind her counter.   
  
"I couldn't have done it without Dr. Keller," Sonya said, ready to finally introduce her boyfriend to the man who'd saved her life. They looked up to find Dr. Keller had gone.   
  
"Oh well, I'll meet him next time," Xander said, kissing her on the cheek. "You have two more treatments, right?"   
  
"Yeah." Sonya nodded, and together they started the long, slow walk to the parking lot. At the main door to the office, she turned and looked back down the long hall. (Where did he get off to so fast?)   
  
"What's wrong, babe?" Xander asked, looking down at her with a quizzical expression. Then he leaned in and nibbled her ear lobe.   
  
"Xander!" Sonya cried, pushing him off. "This isn't the place." But he'd succeeded in his mission to distract her.   
  
"Where to now, milady?" Xander asked, helping her into the jeep with a flourish.   
  
"The library," Sonya said decisively. "Giles has got to see this."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Amy stared up at Giles with a worried expression on her face as she finished updating him on Buffy's condition. The librarian seemed to be barely paying attention. And from what Oz had told her about the situation, Giles was supposed to be caring about this -- wasn't a Watcher some kind of mentor/father figure?   
  
"...so her fever finally broke, but she's still not feeling well..." Amy paused and glanced at Oz standing next to her. He met her eyes and shrugged in agreement. Amy looked back at Giles. "And so Buffy permed her hair, bought a bunch of spandex and joined a cult that worships the almighty lima bean while listening to Madonna 24/7."   
  
"I say, that's..." Giles paused with a furrowed brow. "What was that again, Miss Madison?"   
  
"Just checking to make sure you were still with us," Amy said.   
  
"Sorry," Giles replied, "it's just that I'm waiting for... nevermind. What were you saying about Miss Summers?"   
  
"She asked us to come see if you had any messages for her, or any advice," Amy repeated in a firm tone.   
  
"Buffy doesn't get sick," Oz interjected. "It's weird."   
  
"True, true," Giles replied distractedly. His eyes kept darting to the door. "But perhaps it is just a normal flu. That has been known to happen."   
  
Amy and Oz both frowned.   
  
Suddenly, the outer doors to the library came open with a crash. Giles looked up with anticipation. Xander came running in. He skidded to a stop and held the door open.   
  
"Dum, da, da, dum..." he said in ringing tones. "Lady and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce the new and improved, Miss Sonya Parker!"   
  
Amy felt a rustling beside her. Oz had stepped forward and was staring at the door.   
  
After a dramatic pause, Xander looked outside and said, "Hey, that's your cue."   
  
"Xander!" Sonya's voice drifted in from outside. "Melodramatic, much? You didn't have to do that."   
  
Then the girl came into view. She casually strolled into the library on her own two feet, wheelchair nowhere in evidence. Amy's mouth dropped open in shock.   
  
Giles ran out from behind the circulation desk and gave Sonya a big hug. "I can't believe it. I'm so happy for you, my dear!"   
  
Sonya hugged him back, a slight frown on her face. "Yeah, Giles... uh... thanks."   
  
Her eyes met Oz's over Giles shoulder. Amy could practically feel the unspoken tension between the two of them.   
  
"Oz..." Sonya said. Xander glanced between the two of them and scowled, but this time he didn't say anything.   
  
"I'm glad you got what you wanted, Sonya," Oz said, his face unreadable. Then he turned and walked out of the library.   
  
Amy watched him go, and then looked back toward the others. "Mr. Giles!" she cried. "Don't you even care about this Buffy thing?"   
  
The faces of the three by the door turned to Amy with varying expressions. Xander seemed annoyed. "Why are we talking about her again?"   
  
Giles was indifferent. "She'll be fine. Don't worry, Miss Madison."   
  
Sonya was the only one to display any amount of concern over Buffy's welfare. She disentangled herself from Giles' grasp and walked slowly over to Amy. "What's wrong with Buffy? Is there anything I can do?"   
  
Amy glared at the other girl. "Yeah, Sonya, you can just leave her alone!" Then, completely disgusted by this whole turn of events, Amy turned and walked to the doors through which Oz had disappeared. "Haven't you already done enough?" she called back over her shoulder. Then she left, the doors swinging shut silently behind her. 


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten   
  
Summers' Residence   
  
The sun was beginning to set when Amy and Oz arrived back at the Summers' household. Joyce met them at the door, looking worried.   
  
"I'm glad you're back," she said quickly. "Can you stay with her? She's doing better, but I still don't want to leave her alone. Greg called from the gallery -- this big shipment came just before closing and I need to go down there and help for an hour or two."   
  
"No problem, Mrs. Summers," Amy said, stepping inside, followed by Oz. "We'll take care of her while you're gone."   
  
Joyce gave them a relieved smile and grabbed her purse. She hesitated by the door, giving the upstairs a worried glance. "Maybe I should just call Greg back and say I can't come..."   
  
"Don't worry," Amy said firmly. "We can make Buffy some tea and hot soup. And if anything at all happens, we'll call you."   
  
"OK." Joyce firmed up her resolve and headed for her car. "I'm going. I'll be back soon. Two hours max!" Then she was gone.   
  
Amy and Oz slowly mounted the steps that lead to Buffy's room.   
  
"Should we tell her about Sonya?" Oz asked.   
  
Amy sighed. "I just don't know."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Back in the library, Sonya had her hands full.   
  
"We're going out to dinner!" Xander yelled, glaring at Giles.   
  
"She's going home," Giles replied sternly. "She has homework to do."   
  
"It's tradition! We always go to dinner after her doctor's appointment," Xander replied angrily. "I'm sure she doesn't have that much homework, do you, babe?" He looked at Sonya who shook her head.   
  
"No, not much." In all honesty, Sonya was starting to get a little freaked out by the changes in the most important men in her life. Angel's demon possession idea sprang back into her mind, but she forcibly pushed that thought away. It hurt too much to think that. Instead, she decided that maybe the shock of her suddenly walking was too much for them. Or perhaps Xander was upset about the Oz thing earlier, and Giles was upset about Buffy's illness.   
  
(Yeah) she told herself (that makes perfect sense. And they're taking their aggressiveness out on each other!)   
  
The thought of Buffy made Sonya wince. A thought popped into her head that she couldn't get rid of. Suddenly, Sonya knew what she had to do. She reached out and put a hand on the arm of each man.   
  
"Xander, Giles, I have something I've got to go do. I promise that I'll get to the homework later. And, Xander, how about if we meet here to leave for Sal's in about an hour, OK?"   
  
Neither man looked very happy with this turn of events, but Sonya was not in the mood to take no for an answer. A few seconds later, she was walking down the streets of Sunnydale, enjoying the feel of the late afternoon sun on her face and the feel of her own movement. Every time the muscles in her legs flexed, Sonya felt like laughing for sheer delight. She didn't, of course, because she didn't want to look stupid, but she felt like it inside.   
  
A short while later, Sonya turned down a familiar residential street, and walked until she came to a familiar, two-story house. She'd only been there a few times, but she remembered every single time with perfect clarity. The most memorable time, was the time when Buffy had cut her hair. Sonya had a small smile on her face when she remembered Buffy's words -- "You're really going to have to trust me." They'd had some good times together. Of course, until the past couple of days Sonya had resented the hell out of Buffy because Buffy had the life Sonya wanted. But just because she'd resented Buffy for having what should be Sonya's, didn't mean that Sonya hated Buffy herself. And because of that, Sonya felt the need to apologize. And the snippet of conversation she'd heard about Buffy being sick had Sonya a little worried. Slayers didn't get sick -- it took much more than a common cold to get a Slayer down.   
  
(Buffy deserves better than this from me) Sonya thought as she slowly walked up the sidewalk to the front door. (When she got my powers, she didn't ignore me -- she cared about what would happen to me. And I do still care about her. I'm not giving up Xander, of course. That would be dumb -- if he truly loved her there's no way he would have come to me -- but I need to apologize. And see if there's anything I can do for her.)   
  
Firm in her resolution, Sonya took a deep breath and knocked on the door. There was a long pause, and then -- just when she was about to knock again -- the door opened. Sonya met Amy's accusing gaze quietly.   
  
"What do you want?" Amy demanded.   
  
"I'd like to see Buffy."   
  
"What for?" Amy asked. "To rub it in?"   
  
"I'm worried about her," Sonya admitted, even though she didn't want to talk to this girl who had nothing to do with the situation. "And I'd like to apologize."   
  
"You want to apologize now? That's rich. You steal her boyfriend, and then you expect a little 'I'm sorry' to make things better?" Amy's tone dripped with bitterness.   
  
"No..." Sonya said, "I don't think it will make things better necessarily... but I wanted to try."   
  
The door opened wider, and Sonya was confronted by Oz's serious stare. "You're lying."   
  
That made Sonya angry. "What? I don't think you know what you're talking about!"   
  
"You don't want to make things better for Buffy. You want to make things better for yourself. You want to absolve your own guilt about your betrayal of a good friend so you can be happy."   
  
Amy's surprise at Oz's very long speech turned into a nod of agreement. "Yeah, what he said!"   
  
Sonya stood there, shocked, for a moment. Were they right? (No... no, they can't be.)   
  
"I'll talk to her."   
  
The voice took all three teens by surprise. Amy and Oz slowly moved aside, and Buffy stepped out onto the porch. Sonya took a look at her and didn't like what she saw. Buffy was wan and pale, with a sheen of fever in her over-bright eyes and in the unnatural ruddiness of her cheeks. She clutched a quilt around her like a shield, and her hair was flat and lifeless. And she limped.   
  
"What happened to your leg?" Sonya blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.   
  
"A vamp surprised me when I was running away from you and Xander," Buffy answered bluntly.   
  
Sonya winced, feeling her guilt increase. But she pushed that aside and plunged forward into the speech she'd prepared on the way here. "Look, I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but I *am* sorry for what happened. I never should have... er... done anything with Xander until he talked with you first. After everything that we've been through, I at least owed you the truth. But instead I went behind your back. And that was unforgivable."   
  
Buffy's eyes were cold as she stared at Sonya. "You're right. It was unforgivable." Buffy paused, and then looked a little sad. "Maybe someday I'll be able to forgive you, but honestly, right now, if I weren't sick I'd be sorely tempted to bash your brains in."   
  
"Buffy!" Amy gasped from the doorway.   
  
The Slayer was trembling now. She didn't look strong or vibrant in any sense of the words. But Sonya was too angry to notice in more than a superficial way. Sonya had put her dignity on the line by coming here, and Buffy had thrown it back in her face. Of course, Sonya realized that Buffy had the right to be pissed off, but dealing with rejection had never been Sonya's strong suit.   
  
Sonya took several deep breaths and forced herself to calm down. It was like there were two beings at war inside her -- to be cliched about it, a little devil and a little angel like you'd see on any cartoon. Finally, she turned and walked away, calling over her shoulder, "Fine, whatever, Buffy. If you need me, I'll be with Xander."   
  
She heard a sob from the Slayer and immediately felt guilty again. She turned back around. "I'm sorry..."   
  
But it was too late. The slamming of the door punctuated Amy and Oz ushering Buffy back into the house.   
  
"Damn!" Sonya muttered to herself, starting to walk back toward the school where Xander should be waiting for her.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"Can you believe the nerve of that girl?" Amy demanded, sliding her arm around Buffy's shoulders and shepherding her into the living room. They walked slowly in, and Amy settled Buffy on the couch. Oz trailed along behind them, and moved to the window to glance outside.   
  
"She's leaving," he said.   
  
Amy sighed in relief. "Thank goodness."   
  
Buffy looked up at Amy with a tired but determined gaze. "I need to go see Giles."   
  
Worriedly, Amy said, "But, Buffy, when we talked to him, he didn't seem quite... all there."   
  
"Giles is my Watcher," Buffy said in a firm tone. "This all just feels weird to me. I feel weird to me... almost weak... Giles might have been distracted by Sonya's 'miracle,' but he's my Watcher, he has to help me. I think it's in his contract."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
The sun was just starting to sink below the horizon as Sonya walked away from Buffy's house and headed for the library. Her footsteps sounded overly-loud to her own ears. As she walked, she reflected on what had occurred at Buffy's house with more than a little bitterness.   
  
"She makes me so mad!" Sonya muttered emphatically. "Where does she get off? I mean, yeah, I made a mistake, but I was *trying* to apologize for it. And what does she do? She throws it all right back in my face! While her little sidekicks are gloating from the sidelines, no less."   
  
Sonya felt a little guilty for the way she'd responded to Buffy by bringing up the whole Xander thing, but she pushed that to the back of her mind. She frowned. It seemed like she'd been doing that a lot lately.   
  
"Maybe I should go see a therapist," she groused. "Just my luck, my life finally starts falling into place and I end up having deep-seated emotional problems."   
  
With all of these depressing thoughts swirling around in her head, Sonya failed to noticed that the sun had set until she heard a heavy footstep behind her. Her danger sense flared to life and she whirled around, coming face to demonic face with a hulking vampire. "Oh great," she muttered, taking a step back. "Just what I need, a member of the un-dead testosterone brigade pawing all over me." She raised an eyebrow at the brute and said, "Why don't you go pick on someone your own size, huh?"   
  
The vampire laughed, taking a step toward her. "But what would be the fun in that?" He smiled a cruel smile. "Anyway, I prefer my victims young, female and helpless."   
  
Sonya rolled her eyes. "How Cro-Magnon of you." As she spoke, she reached into her purse as unobtrusively as possible, trying to find something she could use against the vampire. Her searching fingers came up empty. "Damn it!" she muttered, berating herself. "I can't believe I left without any protection, not even a cross. That was colossally stupid of me!"   
  
"It wouldn't have done you any good, girlie," cave-man vamp informed her with confidence. "I'd still have beaten you."   
  
Sonya's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. NO ONE talked to her that way, least of all some smart-ass, chauvinistic vampire goon! She had been a Slayer once -- she knew how to defend herself even without special powers. Sonya quickly scanned the area, her eyes coming to rest on a small, nearby fence. She grinned, making a run for it. The vamp gave chase, but by the time he caught up to her, she had already broken off a piece of the wooden fence and was holding it out in front of her like she would a stake.   
  
The vampire growled, moving in for the kill. Sonya didn't let him even get close. Her body, falling back easily into old Slayer patterns, knew what to do. She lashed out with her foot, catching the vamp with a viscous kick to the stomach. He stumbled back and she pressed her advantage, following up with a roundhouse to his side. Then she spun into another kick, the heel of her boot hitting him directly on the solar plexus and knocking him to the ground painfully. The vampire was stunned momentarily and Sonya used that second of distraction to lunge in with her home-made stake and thrust it into his heart. Moments later, the vampire exploded into dust.   
  
After the dust had settled, Sonya sat down on the curb and waited until she had caught her breath before resuming her journey to the library. As she was walking, a million thoughts flitted through her brain. But the one that occupied her attention the most was a simple... (How did I do that?)   
  
Suddenly, something clicked and Sonya began to smile. There was only one possible explanation... she was getting her Slayer powers back. Sonya had no idea why they were coming back to her after all this time, but she didn't really care. Figuring out things like that was Giles' territory, not hers. All she could think right now was that, with two slayers on the job, things could only get better.   
  
True, it would take a lot of time and effort to get Buffy to trust her again, but eventually she would see that Sonya hadn't set out to hurt her. In fact, Buffy would probably realize that she was better off without Xander anyway. After all, why would she want to be with someone who didn't fully love her? The more Sonya thought about it, the more she was convinced that things were finally working out just as they were supposed to. Buffy would see that eventually. She just had to. And then, when Buffy trusted her again, the two slayers would make a lethal combination for all of the vampires and demons in Sunnydale. Sonya grinned, picturing it all in her mind. (Not half bad, girl,) she thought, (Not half bad at all.)   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
When Sonya got to the library she pushed the doors open, feeling a twinge of happiness at how easy it was. In fact, she accidentally pushed them a little too hard and they flew back and hit the walls with a resounding thud.   
  
"Oops," Sonya said, unable to stop a smile, "I'm going to have to get used to this again."   
  
As she walked into the main part of the library, she plopped her purse down on the reading table and headed for Giles' office, intent on sharing her news with the librarian. But he wasn't there.   
  
"How weird," Sonya murmured. "He picks now to actually get a personal life?"   
  
Sonya shrugged. It could wait. She would find him later. As she walked around the library, swinging her arms back and forth to release some extra energy, she began to think back on the dream she'd had the other night. She never had gotten a chance to figure out what Oz's last message to her had been due to her preoccupation with walking and Xander and apologizing to Buffy. Sitting down at the table, she grabbed a nearby dictionary and flipped to the C section. "Concern, concertina, concubine," she murmured, flipping through the pages until she found the word she was looking for. "Aha! Concupiscence!" She frowned, reading the definition aloud. "To desire; strong desire; lust."   
  
Sonya closed the thick book and sat back in her chair, repeating Oz's dream-words to refresh her memory. "Deplore thy concupiscences." She smirked. "I didn't even know my subconscious knew words that big."   
  
A chill ran through her, reminding her of the expression "Someone just walked over my grave." But then she heard footsteps in the hallway and shrugged it off. (You silly girl, it was probably just some weird dream that resulted from having that last slice of pizza for a late-night snack. That's all.)   
  
Just then, the library doors opened and Xander and Giles walked in. Sonya quickly forgot about her misgivings and jumped up, a big grin on her face. "Guys," she said excitedly, "I've got some news..." Summers' Residence   
  
The sun was beginning to set when Amy and Oz arrived back at the Summers' household. Joyce met them at the door, looking worried.   
  
"I'm glad you're back," she said quickly. "Can you stay with her? She's doing better, but I still don't want to leave her alone. Greg called from the gallery -- this big shipment came just before closing and I need to go down there and help for an hour or two."   
  
"No problem, Mrs. Summers," Amy said, stepping inside, followed by Oz. "We'll take care of her while you're gone."   
  
Joyce gave them a relieved smile and grabbed her purse. She hesitated by the door, giving the upstairs a worried glance. "Maybe I should just call Greg back and say I can't come..."   
  
"Don't worry," Amy said firmly. "We can make Buffy some tea and hot soup. And if anything at all happens, we'll call you."   
  
"OK." Joyce firmed up her resolve and headed for her car. "I'm going. I'll be back soon. Two hours max!" Then she was gone.   
  
Amy and Oz slowly mounted the steps that lead to Buffy's room.   
  
"Should we tell her about Sonya?" Oz asked.   
  
Amy sighed. "I just don't know."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Back in the library, Sonya had her hands full.   
  
"We're going out to dinner!" Xander yelled, glaring at Giles.   
  
"She's going home," Giles replied sternly. "She has homework to do."   
  
"It's tradition! We always go to dinner after her doctor's appointment," Xander replied angrily. "I'm sure she doesn't have that much homework, do you, babe?" He looked at Sonya who shook her head.   
  
"No, not much." In all honesty, Sonya was starting to get a little freaked out by the changes in the most important men in her life. Angel's demon possession idea sprang back into her mind, but she forcibly pushed that thought away. It hurt too much to think that. Instead, she decided that maybe the shock of her suddenly walking was too much for them. Or perhaps Xander was upset about the Oz thing earlier, and Giles was upset about Buffy's illness.   
  
(Yeah) she told herself (that makes perfect sense. And they're taking their aggressiveness out on each other!)   
  
The thought of Buffy made Sonya wince. A thought popped into her head that she couldn't get rid of. Suddenly, Sonya knew what she had to do. She reached out and put a hand on the arm of each man.   
  
"Xander, Giles, I have something I've got to go do. I promise that I'll get to the homework later. And, Xander, how about if we meet here to leave for Sal's in about an hour, OK?"   
  
Neither man looked very happy with this turn of events, but Sonya was not in the mood to take no for an answer. A few seconds later, she was walking down the streets of Sunnydale, enjoying the feel of the late afternoon sun on her face and the feel of her own movement. Every time the muscles in her legs flexed, Sonya felt like laughing for sheer delight. She didn't, of course, because she didn't want to look stupid, but she felt like it inside.   
  
A short while later, Sonya turned down a familiar residential street, and walked until she came to a familiar, two-story house. She'd only been there a few times, but she remembered every single time with perfect clarity. The most memorable time, was the time when Buffy had cut her hair. Sonya had a small smile on her face when she remembered Buffy's words -- "You're really going to have to trust me." They'd had some good times together. Of course, until the past couple of days Sonya had resented the hell out of Buffy because Buffy had the life Sonya wanted. But just because she'd resented Buffy for having what should be Sonya's, didn't mean that Sonya hated Buffy herself. And because of that, Sonya felt the need to apologize. And the snippet of conversation she'd heard about Buffy being sick had Sonya a little worried. Slayers didn't get sick -- it took much more than a common cold to get a Slayer down.   
  
(Buffy deserves better than this from me) Sonya thought as she slowly walked up the sidewalk to the front door. (When she got my powers, she didn't ignore me -- she cared about what would happen to me. And I do still care about her. I'm not giving up Xander, of course. That would be dumb -- if he truly loved her there's no way he would have come to me -- but I need to apologize. And see if there's anything I can do for her.)   
  
Firm in her resolution, Sonya took a deep breath and knocked on the door. There was a long pause, and then -- just when she was about to knock again -- the door opened. Sonya met Amy's accusing gaze quietly.   
  
"What do you want?" Amy demanded.   
  
"I'd like to see Buffy."   
  
"What for?" Amy asked. "To rub it in?"   
  
"I'm worried about her," Sonya admitted, even though she didn't want to talk to this girl who had nothing to do with the situation. "And I'd like to apologize."   
  
"You want to apologize now? That's rich. You steal her boyfriend, and then you expect a little 'I'm sorry' to make things better?" Amy's tone dripped with bitterness.   
  
"No..." Sonya said, "I don't think it will make things better necessarily... but I wanted to try."   
  
The door opened wider, and Sonya was confronted by Oz's serious stare. "You're lying."   
  
That made Sonya angry. "What? I don't think you know what you're talking about!"   
  
"You don't want to make things better for Buffy. You want to make things better for yourself. You want to absolve your own guilt about your betrayal of a good friend so you can be happy."   
  
Amy's surprise at Oz's very long speech turned into a nod of agreement. "Yeah, what he said!"   
  
Sonya stood there, shocked, for a moment. Were they right? (No... no, they can't be.)   
  
"I'll talk to her."   
  
The voice took all three teens by surprise. Amy and Oz slowly moved aside, and Buffy stepped out onto the porch. Sonya took a look at her and didn't like what she saw. Buffy was wan and pale, with a sheen of fever in her over-bright eyes and in the unnatural ruddiness of her cheeks. She clutched a quilt around her like a shield, and her hair was flat and lifeless. And she limped.   
  
"What happened to your leg?" Sonya blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.   
  
"A vamp surprised me when I was running away from you and Xander," Buffy answered bluntly.   
  
Sonya winced, feeling her guilt increase. But she pushed that aside and plunged forward into the speech she'd prepared on the way here. "Look, I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but I *am* sorry for what happened. I never should have... er... done anything with Xander until he talked with you first. After everything that we've been through, I at least owed you the truth. But instead I went behind your back. And that was unforgivable."   
  
Buffy's eyes were cold as she stared at Sonya. "You're right. It was unforgivable." Buffy paused, and then looked a little sad. "Maybe someday I'll be able to forgive you, but honestly, right now, if I weren't sick I'd be sorely tempted to bash your brains in."   
  
"Buffy!" Amy gasped from the doorway.   
  
The Slayer was trembling now. She didn't look strong or vibrant in any sense of the words. But Sonya was too angry to notice in more than a superficial way. Sonya had put her dignity on the line by coming here, and Buffy had thrown it back in her face. Of course, Sonya realized that Buffy had the right to be pissed off, but dealing with rejection had never been Sonya's strong suit.   
  
Sonya took several deep breaths and forced herself to calm down. It was like there were two beings at war inside her -- to be cliched about it, a little devil and a little angel like you'd see on any cartoon. Finally, she turned and walked away, calling over her shoulder, "Fine, whatever, Buffy. If you need me, I'll be with Xander."   
  
She heard a sob from the Slayer and immediately felt guilty again. She turned back around. "I'm sorry..."   
  
But it was too late. The slamming of the door punctuated Amy and Oz ushering Buffy back into the house.   
  
"Damn!" Sonya muttered to herself, starting to walk back toward the school where Xander should be waiting for her.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"Can you believe the nerve of that girl?" Amy demanded, sliding her arm around Buffy's shoulders and shepherding her into the living room. They walked slowly in, and Amy settled Buffy on the couch. Oz trailed along behind them, and moved to the window to glance outside.   
  
"She's leaving," he said.   
  
Amy sighed in relief. "Thank goodness."   
  
Buffy looked up at Amy with a tired but determined gaze. "I need to go see Giles."   
  
Worriedly, Amy said, "But, Buffy, when we talked to him, he didn't seem quite... all there."   
  
"Giles is my Watcher," Buffy said in a firm tone. "This all just feels weird to me. I feel weird to me... almost weak... Giles might have been distracted by Sonya's 'miracle,' but he's my Watcher, he has to help me. I think it's in his contract."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
The sun was just starting to sink below the horizon as Sonya walked away from Buffy's house and headed for the library. Her footsteps sounded overly-loud to her own ears. As she walked, she reflected on what had occurred at Buffy's house with more than a little bitterness.   
  
"She makes me so mad!" Sonya muttered emphatically. "Where does she get off? I mean, yeah, I made a mistake, but I was *trying* to apologize for it. And what does she do? She throws it all right back in my face! While her little sidekicks are gloating from the sidelines, no less."   
  
Sonya felt a little guilty for the way she'd responded to Buffy by bringing up the whole Xander thing, but she pushed that to the back of her mind. She frowned. It seemed like she'd been doing that a lot lately.   
  
"Maybe I should go see a therapist," she groused. "Just my luck, my life finally starts falling into place and I end up having deep-seated emotional problems."   
  
With all of these depressing thoughts swirling around in her head, Sonya failed to noticed that the sun had set until she heard a heavy footstep behind her. Her danger sense flared to life and she whirled around, coming face to demonic face with a hulking vampire. "Oh great," she muttered, taking a step back. "Just what I need, a member of the un-dead testosterone brigade pawing all over me." She raised an eyebrow at the brute and said, "Why don't you go pick on someone your own size, huh?"   
  
The vampire laughed, taking a step toward her. "But what would be the fun in that?" He smiled a cruel smile. "Anyway, I prefer my victims young, female and helpless."   
  
Sonya rolled her eyes. "How Cro-Magnon of you." As she spoke, she reached into her purse as unobtrusively as possible, trying to find something she could use against the vampire. Her searching fingers came up empty. "Damn it!" she muttered, berating herself. "I can't believe I left without any protection, not even a cross. That was colossally stupid of me!"   
  
"It wouldn't have done you any good, girlie," cave-man vamp informed her with confidence. "I'd still have beaten you."   
  
Sonya's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. NO ONE talked to her that way, least of all some smart-ass, chauvinistic vampire goon! She had been a Slayer once -- she knew how to defend herself even without special powers. Sonya quickly scanned the area, her eyes coming to rest on a small, nearby fence. She grinned, making a run for it. The vamp gave chase, but by the time he caught up to her, she had already broken off a piece of the wooden fence and was holding it out in front of her like she would a stake.   
  
The vampire growled, moving in for the kill. Sonya didn't let him even get close. Her body, falling back easily into old Slayer patterns, knew what to do. She lashed out with her foot, catching the vamp with a viscous kick to the stomach. He stumbled back and she pressed her advantage, following up with a roundhouse to his side. Then she spun into another kick, the heel of her boot hitting him directly on the solar plexus and knocking him to the ground painfully. The vampire was stunned momentarily and Sonya used that second of distraction to lunge in with her home-made stake and thrust it into his heart. Moments later, the vampire exploded into dust.   
  
After the dust had settled, Sonya sat down on the curb and waited until she had caught her breath before resuming her journey to the library. As she was walking, a million thoughts flitted through her brain. But the one that occupied her attention the most was a simple... (How did I do that?)   
  
Suddenly, something clicked and Sonya began to smile. There was only one possible explanation... she was getting her Slayer powers back. Sonya had no idea why they were coming back to her after all this time, but she didn't really care. Figuring out things like that was Giles' territory, not hers. All she could think right now was that, with two slayers on the job, things could only get better.   
  
True, it would take a lot of time and effort to get Buffy to trust her again, but eventually she would see that Sonya hadn't set out to hurt her. In fact, Buffy would probably realize that she was better off without Xander anyway. After all, why would she want to be with someone who didn't fully love her? The more Sonya thought about it, the more she was convinced that things were finally working out just as they were supposed to. Buffy would see that eventually. She just had to. And then, when Buffy trusted her again, the two slayers would make a lethal combination for all of the vampires and demons in Sunnydale. Sonya grinned, picturing it all in her mind. (Not half bad, girl,) she thought, (Not half bad at all.)   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
When Sonya got to the library she pushed the doors open, feeling a twinge of happiness at how easy it was. In fact, she accidentally pushed them a little too hard and they flew back and hit the walls with a resounding thud.   
  
"Oops," Sonya said, unable to stop a smile, "I'm going to have to get used to this again."   
  
As she walked into the main part of the library, she plopped her purse down on the reading table and headed for Giles' office, intent on sharing her news with the librarian. But he wasn't there.   
  
"How weird," Sonya murmured. "He picks now to actually get a personal life?"   
  
Sonya shrugged. It could wait. She would find him later. As she walked around the library, swinging her arms back and forth to release some extra energy, she began to think back on the dream she'd had the other night. She never had gotten a chance to figure out what Oz's last message to her had been due to her preoccupation with walking and Xander and apologizing to Buffy. Sitting down at the table, she grabbed a nearby dictionary and flipped to the C section. "Concern, concertina, concubine," she murmured, flipping through the pages until she found the word she was looking for. "Aha! Concupiscence!" She frowned, reading the definition aloud. "To desire; strong desire; lust."   
  
Sonya closed the thick book and sat back in her chair, repeating Oz's dream-words to refresh her memory. "Deplore thy concupiscences." She smirked. "I didn't even know my subconscious knew words that big."   
  
A chill ran through her, reminding her of the expression "Someone just walked over my grave." But then she heard footsteps in the hallway and shrugged it off. (You silly girl, it was probably just some weird dream that resulted from having that last slice of pizza for a late-night snack. That's all.)   
  
Just then, the library doors opened and Xander and Giles walked in. Sonya quickly forgot about her misgivings and jumped up, a big grin on her face. "Guys," she said excitedly, "I've got some news..." 


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven   
  
The Library   
  
Xander ran up to Sonya and gave her a lengthy kiss on the lips. Sonya enjoyed it, but she was hyper-aware of Giles' disapproving gaze on them. She pushed Xander away finally, hissing, "Save that for later, Harris."   
  
"But I *missed* you," Xander whined in a tone that would have been annoying if Sonya hadn't found it flattering -- and if looking into Xander's chocolate-brown eyes didn't always make her want to melt.   
  
"You had some news, Sonya?" Giles asked after clearing his throat to get their attention.   
  
With a last, secret smile at Xander, Sonya pulled away from him and turned to face her guardian with a big grin on her lips. "Yes. Something amazing has happened."   
  
"Tell us, babe!" Xander encouraged her, hopping up onto the reading table and sitting there with his legs swinging back and forth.   
  
"You know, Xander," Sonya said with a slight frown, "I've been meaning to talk to you about this 'babe' thing..."   
  
"Sonya!" Giles said, demanding her attention. "You were going to say...?"   
  
"Oh, sorry!" Sonya replied, her frown turning back into a smile as she remembered her exciting news. "Well, this really isn't something that I can just tell you. I kind of have to show you..."   
  
With that, she walked over to the weapons closet and pulled out a sharp, wicked-looking knife that glinted in the fluorescent, overhead lights. The she pointed to a bulletin board on the wall by the circulation desk.   
  
"This knife, the student council nominations poster, one try," Sonya said, stepping as far back from the circulation desk as she could.   
  
"Nonsense, Sonya," Giles protested. "Only the Slayer could aim so true..."   
  
But while he was talking, Sonya let the knife fly. It twirled in the air with a spin she had given it... and it landed right in the 'o' of 'nominations' with a soft thunk.   
  
Giles looked at her with incredulity written all over his face. "How..."   
  
"Your powers!" Xander shouted, jumping off the table and running over to pick Sonya up and twirl her around the room. "They're back!"   
  
"Yeah!" Sonya said through her laughter at Xander's antics. When he finally put her down (though he didn't go far, keeping an arm slung about her shoulders), she explained. "This vamp surprised me on my way back here, and that's when I discovered this... Isn't it great? Now we'll have two Slayers to kick vampire butt in Sunnydale. I mean, I know Buffy and I are on the outs right now, but I'm sure that in time..."   
  
"Buffy will be dead!"   
  
All three of them whirled to look at the newcomer. Angel strode into the library and, bypassing Sonya and Xander with only a look of disgust, he headed straight for Giles.   
  
"Why didn't you return any of my calls?" Angel demanded angrily. "I left ten messages on your machine! If I hadn't had to save some stupid girls from some vampires down at makeout central I would have come to see you last night myself."   
  
"Oh, I apologize, Angel," Giles said in an overly polite tone. "I've been a bit busy lately." He gestured toward Sonya in a vague way. "Doctors and everything. Haven't had time to check the machine. What did you want?"   
  
Angel darted a quick glance toward Sonya and Xander. Sonya was staring at him, and Xander was playing with Sonya's hair. "Can we go somewhere in private, Giles?"   
  
"What did you mean, Buffy will be dead?" Sonya demanded, shrugging out of Xander's loose grasp.   
  
Angel glared at her. "Like you care!"   
  
"I care!" Sonya protested.   
  
"You have an interesting way of showing it," Angel replied.   
  
"What is all this about?" Giles asked, drawing Angel's attention away from Sonya.   
  
"I saw what Sonya did just now," Angel said bluntly. "It doesn't make sense. There have never been TWO Slayers! If Sonya has the powers then that means..."   
  
"Buffy doesn't," Sonya finished with a pained expression.   
  
"Probably better this way," Giles said, giving Sonya a small smile. "You're more experienced anyway."   
  
Angel looked from Giles to Xander. "Something is really wrong here. Don't you guys see it?"   
  
Giles and Xander looked at him blankly.   
  
Sonya felt a twinge of worry -- well, more than a twinge. "What do you think is going on, Angel? Why would the powers suddenly switch?"   
  
"I don't know." Angel walked toward her and looked at her seriously. "But there's something very demonic going on here."   
  
The look of concern on her face turned to a flash of anger. "You're getting back on that 'the only way Xander could be in love with me is if he's possessed' thing?" she demanded. Every time that subject was broached, an irrational anger filled her from her toes to the roots of her hair. Xander did love her! He would never lie to her, and it wasn't demon possession! She couldn't believe that!   
  
Xander looked up with a frown. "You want I should take care of him, babe?" he asked in a bad gangster voice.   
  
"No!" Sonya snapped at him. Then she grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the door. "Let's get out of here, Xander!"   
  
"All right!" Xander cried in enthusiasm. And a few seconds later the pair were gone.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Oz drove Buffy and Amy back to the school in his van. They left a note for her mother, just in case, but they hoped they would beat her back to the house.   
  
"Are you sure you're up for this?" Amy asked.   
  
Buffy nodded, looking a bit more herself, though still not completely well -- there was something pale and lackluster about her. When the van stopped she laid the quilt down on the seat and got out of the van. "Yeah, I'm ready."   
  
She looked around the parking lot. "Good, Xander's jeep isn't here."   
  
Oz and Amy shared a grateful look for that lucky turn of events, but didn't say anything. In tandem, they followed Buffy into the library where Angel and Giles were arguing.   
  
"Giles," Buffy said, startling the man and the vampire into silence, "I need to talk to you... Now."   
  
"Er.. yes," Giles stammered. "There have been some recent developments as of late that you should be made aware of..."   
  
Buffy's eyes narrowed at his uncertain tone. "I don't know about your 'developments,' but there's something wrong with me. I don't feel like myself. You need to find out why." She crossed her arms over her chest and watched him squirm under her gaze.   
  
"I believe," Giles began, "that the reason you are ill is that you are no longer the Slayer."   
  
"What?" Buffy gasped.   
  
"Now that Sonya can walk again, my theory is that the Slayer Essence is reverting back to its original host."   
  
Buffy didn't know what to think. She just stood there, staring at her supposed mentor.   
  
Angel walked quickly over to Buffy. "Don't listen to him, Buffy. There's something else going on here. Sonya's walking -- that came about way too fast. It's not natural. And Xander is NOT being himself. And Giles..." Angel shrugged, letting them finish the end of that obvious statement for themselves.   
  
"What can we do about it?" Buffy asked, realizing that Giles would be of no more help to them. He had puttered into his office and was messing around with his papers.   
  
"Sonya is the catalyst for all this," Angel said slowly. "Everything that is happening here is springing from her -- and I don't think she even realizes it."   
  
Buffy nodded in comprehension. "That makes so much sense. I mean, what would Sonya want above all things?"   
  
"She'd want to walk again," Amy contributed the obvious choice.   
  
"And she wants to be the Slayer," Angel added.   
  
"She's always wanted Xander," Buffy said in a tiny voice.   
  
"But what about Giles?" Amy asked. "Why is he being affected?"   
  
Oz spoke up. "She looks up to him like a father figure."   
  
"What?" Buffy protested. "Why? I know he was her Watcher and all, but he's so stuffy..."   
  
"We talked about that once," Oz said. "She was abandoned as a child. The Watcher's Council raised her in a group sort of way. Giles is the first parental-type entity she's had in her life."   
  
"She must feel like I was taking him away from her, too," Buffy surmised unhappily. "It's all my fault!"   
  
"No!" Amy protested.   
  
Angel looked deeply into Buffy's eyes. "None of this is your fault. None at all. You didn't ask for any of this stuff. It just happened. Just like it's not your fault that she got *your* powers the first time."   
  
"Who cares about that?" Amy cried angrily. "We need to stop pondering Sonya's motives and figure out what's happening here so we can stop it."   
  
"How do we do that?" Oz asked.   
  
Angel glanced back at Giles in his office and motioned for the group to walk out into the hallway. Once out of the librarian's hearing, Angel said, "First of all, we need to find Sonya. She's starting to figure out what's going on, but she's denying it."   
  
"Who wouldn't?" Buffy whispered. "Her wishes are all coming true..."   
  
Amy rolled her eyes at Buffy's comment. "Don't worry about her right now, Buffy. That will come later -- if ever. Right now we've got to figure out what exactly is causing this..."   
  
"Demon possession?" Angel suggested his pet theory.   
  
"Maybe," Amy agreed. "I know this spell that identifies new, mystical powers in a place -- if we can determine when all this started."   
  
"Three days ago," Buffy answered. "Her doctor's appointment. After that was the first time Xander stood me up to be with her."   
  
"Good!" Amy exclaimed. "Now maybe we can figure this out. I just need to get some supplies from my locker..."   
  
Angel looked at Oz. "We should get out there and find Sonya. We can split up. Whoever finds her, tells her what's going on, or at least what we know. She could be getting in trouble out there..."   
  
"Right," Oz replied, turning and heading for his van.   
  
"Buffy's coming with me," Amy decided, seeing that Buffy was not really in the condition to decide herself. "We'll get the stuff in my locker and then go back to her house. Call us there with any news."   
  
Angel nodded, and turned to follow Oz outside.   
  
Amy guided Buffy down the darkened hallways of the high school toward her locker. They turned down the deserted hallway and Amy noticed that the lights in one classroom were still on.   
  
"Someone's working late," Amy said, trying to get Buffy out of the depression that seemed to be coming on with a vengeance.   
  
"I just can't believe all this!" Buffy wailed. "I mean, tell me Amy, was there anything I could have done differently? Did I make Sonya feel bad all the time, or...?"   
  
"No!" Amy exclaimed. "I mean, I wasn't here then, but you can't think that way. None of this is your fault! You didn't do anything wrong. It's Sonya who let all her wants and jealousy and everything get in the way of living her own life." Amy grabbed her bag of magic supplies out of her locker and slammed the door a little harder than she had planned because of her surge of anger. "Now, we are going to go back to your house, do this oracle spell and find out what in the Hellmouth we're dealing with here!"   
  
"Did someone say spell?"   
  
The two girls jumped at the new voice and turned to see their computer teacher, Ms. Calendar, staring at them from the door of the lightened computer lab with a stern expression.   
  
"You girls know that magic isn't something to be taken lightly." Ms. Calendar walked toward the girls with a firm step. "And oracle spells can be extremely dangerous if you don't have the right number of members in your coven..."   
  
"You're a witch?" Amy asked, excitement showing her in eyes. She hadn't met another witch since Europe.   
  
"Sometimes," Ms. Calendar replied non-committally. "Now, why don't you two explain to me just what it is that's so important you have to risk an oracle spell..."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
The wind whipped through Sonya's hair as she sat in the passenger seat of Xander's jeep. Xander was chattering about something or other, but for once Sonya wasn't paying attention to anything he said. Instead she was fuming. Fuming about Angel and his stupid theories, and everything else that was going wrong today. She looked up when she felt the jeep slow to a stop beneath her feet. They were parked in front of Xander's house.   
  
"What are we doing here?" she asked, as they got out of the car.   
  
"I just thought we could use some alone time without everyone else horning in," Xander said, taking her hand and leading her up to the front door.   
  
They walked inside, and Sonya noted that no one was home.   
  
"It's bingo night," Xander said off-handedly. "Mom's out trying to win the big one, and Dad's probably at the Pub getting drunk."   
  
"Oh," Sonya said, wrinkling her brow as she thought about his bad relationship with his parents. She'd always suspected something more went on than what he said, but he'd never told her about it. She gave his hand a comforting squeeze, and he returned the gesture as he led her up the stairs to his room.   
  
"Enter at your own risk," he said with an impish smile. Then he threw open the door with a flourish.   
  
Sonya stepped inside, expecting a terrible mess, but instead she found a semi-neat, relatively nice teenaged boy's room. There were a couple of posters of scantily-clad actresses on the wall, but that was to be expected. She noted with interest that his bed was made. Even she didn't make her bed every day.   
  
"It's not that bad," she said, turning around, and Xander was there suddenly kissing her.   
  
"Whoa," she muttered against his mouth in surprise, but soon she gave in to the thrill of his lips on hers and his hands on the small of her back. The kissing grew heated and intense very quickly, and after a few moments Xander pushed her back onto the bed.   
  
Sonya felt a twinge of apprehension at that, but pushed it away. He was her Xander. He wouldn't hurt her, and he would know and respect the limits. They kissed some more, and then she felt his fingers undo the button on her jeans and caress her tummy. She moaned, deep in her throat -- enjoying it, but the thought flashed through her mind that she should probably stop this now, before it went too far. Then he began to pull at the waistband of her jeans, and she realized that he was about to take them all the way off. She put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him up and off of her a little bit.   
  
"Xander," she said in a firm-but-gentle tone, "we'd better cool down a bit."   
  
"Why?" he asked, leaning in and nibbling her ear ardently. "We're two consenting almost-adults. We're in love. Why do we have to cool off?"   
  
Sonya loved the feel of his mouth on her neck, but she knew that this was way too soon. She loved Xander, but just two days ago he'd still been with Buffy. She tried to tell him this, and he sat up and looked down at her with an expression that could almost be called anger.   
  
"What does Buffy have to do with any of this?" he demanded. "I blew her off for you, so the least you could do is..."   
  
"What?" Sonya retorted, getting angry herself. "Show you my gratitude?"   
  
"Well, yeah..." With that Xander leaned in for another kiss, but Sonya turned away.   
  
"Get off of me!" she said, pushing him up.   
  
He refused to budge. "No!" He tried to lean back in again, one hand sneaking back to the waistband of her jeans.   
  
"Stop!" Sonya cried, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. This was *not* her Xander. Angel had been right all along -- something horrible was happening! "Stop it now, Xander, or I'll..."   
  
"You'll what?" he asked with a cruel tilt to his sneer. "Kill me?" Then he grabbed her and kissed her lips with a bruising force. As he came closer, Sonya saw the blue-violet glint deep in his brown eyes. His mouth now felt like poison on her skin.   
  
"No! Stop!" she yelled again, this time actually starting to cry. But Xander wouldn't move of his own free will, so she had to do it for him.   
  
Sonya reached up and placed her hands on his chest. Then she shoved with all her might. But, unused to having her powers again, she overestimated, and Xander went flying across the room, a stunned expression on his face until the moment his head hit the wall, leaving a small dent and a stain of blood. His eyes fluttered shut, and he slid to the floor. The bookshelf next to where he'd hit toppled over on top of him.   
  
She stared at the aftermath, her eyes wide with shock. She could barely see Xander under the pile of books, and what she could see of him did not look good. She ran over to him.   
  
"Xander," she called, "can you hear me?"   
  
He moaned, and then fell silent. His face was too white.   
  
Frantically, Sonya pulled the shelving off of him. She couldn't see his chest moving!   
  
"Please don't be dead, Xander," she begged, running for the telephone. With trembling fingers, Sonya punched in 911. When the ringing stopped she gasped, "Please, someone, I need help... an ambulance..."   
  
But on the other end of the phone was a computerized voice saying, "...we care about your call, but our lines are all busy now. Please don't hang up and we will get to your emergency as soon as we possibly can..."   
  
With a scream of frustration, Sonya dropped the phone. She glanced back at the non-moving Xander. Should she move him? But you weren't supposed to move people with head injuries. Or was that neck injuries? But he might have that, too! She came to a decision, grabbed his keys from on top of the dresser and ran down to his car. She'd have to get help and bring it back here!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Once in the jeep, Sonya didn't know where to go. She hadn't driven in so long that she was very rusty, but somehow she managed to keep the jeep in the proper gear and on the right side of the road.   
  
She knew she couldn't go back to the library, because Giles had been acting weird, too. She couldn't trust him either. But there was one person that maybe she could trust... if he would talk to her.   
  
Swerving around a corner, Sonya found herself in front of Buffy's house, but all the lights were off and only one car was parked in front -- and it wasn't Oz's van. He wasn't there.   
  
"OK," Sonya told herself, "you've got to think! The hospital! Yes, then they can send an ambulance."   
  
She made a screeching U-turn in the middle of the street and started in the other direction. On her way to the medical district, she found herself on a familiar road.   
  
(Dr. Keller's office is down here) she realized. When she drove past the office, she expected it to be closed, but there was a car in the parking lot and the lights were on.   
  
Sonya swung the jeep into the parking lot, stopped it wherever it wanted to stop, and ran for the door. It was open, and she ran inside, her sneakers squeaking on the tile floor. She saw a nurse's hat through the window of the front desk, but she didn't stop to talk to Jane. Instead she ran back, yelling, "Dr. Keller! Dr. Keller! I need help!"   
  
"Sonya?" She heard his voice from the lighted office at the end of the hall. "Come on back."   
  
Her footsteps pounded down the hallway in rhythm with her rapidly beating heart. Sonya careened into his office and looked up to see a stranger sitting behind Dr. Keller's desk. A tall, pale, dark haired stranger wearing black robes.   
  
"Who are you?" she demanded. "And what have you done with Dr. Keller?"   
  
The stranger smiled, and an icy feeling began to grow in her heart. She knew that smile.   
  
"I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow afternoon, Sonya dear," the stranger said in Dr. Keller's voice. "If I'd known you were stopping by I would have dressed for you... I can put my other face on for you, if it would make you more comfortable."   
  
"No, thank you!" Sonya felt almost detached from this whole situation, as if it were playing out in slow-motion all around her. "I'd rather see the real you, if you don't mind."   
  
"Certainly," the man said with that same smile. On this version of him, it looked cold and cruel. Or maybe it always had, and she'd just never realized it.   
  
"Who are you, and what have you done to me?" Sonya demanded angrily. "Tell me or I'll..."   
  
"Or you'll what," the man asked. "Kill me like you did that boy?"   
  
Sonya paled and stepped back. "How do you know that?"   
  
"I've been watching you for a long time, Sonya," the man said. "But I knew you wouldn't let me help you if I came to you as myself. That's why I created the Dr. Keller persona." He paused and then said casually, "You can still call me Dr. Keller if you'd like -- or you can call me by my given name... Nathan."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Oz drummed his fingers on the steering wheel of his van as he waited for the light to turn green. It was the only show of frustration he allowed himself. Oz knew that other people thought he was emotionless. That wasn't true. He was chock full of emotions, strong emotions. But he knew that if he let them out there would be no way to get them back. He'd done that once, and always regretted it.   
  
The light turned green, and he accelerated quickly. Now wasn't the time to dwell on the distant past. Now was the time to find Sonya -- before something horrible happened to her, or to anyone else.   
  
He'd checked the house she shared with Giles, the place in the woods where kids went to make out and several other places around town. Angel was covering the graveyards. There was only one other place Oz could think of to try. Xander's house.   
  
When the van pulled up the curb, Oz felt a twinge of hope. There were lights on. The hope dampened a little when he saw the front door standing wide open.   
  
Oz jumped out of the van and ran into the house. He couldn't hear anything, so he started up the stairs. One door was open. From the poster he could see from his position at the head of the stairs, Oz judged it to be Xander's room. He hurried up to the door, and paused when he saw Xander buried under a pile of books, looking nearly dead.   
  
The phone was off the hook and he could hear a tinny voice saying, "911, what is your emergency? Are you there?"   
  
He picked up the phone and said quickly, "Send an ambulance. I'm not sure what happened but someone is unconscious."   
  
"Is the person breathing, sir?" the operator asked.   
  
"Hold on, I'll check."   
  
Oz set the phone down, and walked over to Xander. He pushed some books away, and touched the other boy's neck. There was a pulse -- very weak but there. Oz sighed in relief and also noticed the slight rise and fall of Xander's chest.   
  
He went back to the phone. "He's alive, just unconscious."   
  
"What is your location?" the operator asked.   
  
Oz gave her the address to Xander's house quickly.   
  
"I'm dispatching an ambulance right now," the operator said.   
  
Oz nodded absently, forgetting that she couldn't see him over the phone. "They'd better hurry. He looks pretty bad and his pulse is very weak."   
  
"The ambulance will be there soon, sir. One has been dispatched from Sunnydale Memorial Hospital."   
  
Oz hung up the phone, and heard the sound of sirens in the distance. He looked at Xander. "Hang on, man," Oz said quietly. "They'll be here soon." 


	13. Chapter 12

In the Space of Desire  
Chapter Twelve   
  
Sunnydale High School   
  
Jenny listened intently as Amy and Buffy filled her in on what had been going on with Sonya. Jenny listened to it all with a calm demeanor, watching them from her position behind her desk in the computer lab.   
  
"... so we're going to use the oracle spell to find out what new evil is doing all this," Amy finished. "The Hellmouth's got to be involved..."   
  
Buffy suddenly shushed Amy, giving her a meaningful look. Amy looked contrite at perhaps revealing too much information to a near-stranger.   
  
"Don't worry, girls," Jenny said with a small smile. "I'm very aware that Sunnydale sits on a center of mystical energy."   
  
"Is that why you came here?" Amy asked eagerly. "Does it help your witchcraft?"   
  
Jenny nodded slowly. "Well, that is one reason," she said, unwilling to mention the other things, and people, involved in her move to the Hellmouth. Then she looked at Amy seriously. "But you have to be careful working spells in a place like this. If you're not careful and something goes wrong, it could be huge. The mystical energy here is enough to amplify a spell without your even knowing it."   
  
A worried expression flickered across Amy's face. "You think we shouldn't do the oracle spell then?"   
  
"Wait!" Buffy said. "Then how will we find out what's going on?" She looked at Jenny seriously. "I know that magic is dangerous, Ms. Calendar, but we've got a serious situation here."   
  
"That's not what I meant," Jenny replied, standing up. "What I meant was that is why I'm going to help you do the spell... but we're going to have to find a fourth."   
  
"A fourth?" Buffy questioned.   
  
Amy nodded in understanding. "It's an element spell..."   
  
Jenny looked at Buffy. "An element spell requires four women to cast, one for each element... earth, wind, fire and water. Pretty typical when beseeching the higher powers for information."   
  
"But who can we get?" Amy wondered.   
  
Buffy gave them both a determined look. "Can it be anyone?"   
  
Jenny nodded. "Amy and I will be doing the main magic portions of the spell. The other two will mostly be there for support and protocol."   
  
"Let's go," Buffy said. "I have an idea about who we can ask."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Nathan... that name sounded so familiar to Sonya. Then she remembered. The sorcerer from the Order of Taraka. She looked at him in understanding, and he chuckled deep in his throat.   
  
"Why are you here?" Sonya demanded. "Are you still trying to fulfill that contract on me?"   
  
"Technically, that contract was on all of your little group, but since the vampyress who took out the contract is now dead, that is all null and void," Nathan answered in a conversational tone. He sat back in his desk chair, looking completely comfortable. "Why don't you sit down, Sonya."   
  
"No thanks," Sonya replied. "I'll stand."   
  
Nathan shrugged. "It's up to you, my dear."   
  
"Quit with the 'my dear' crap!" Sonya yelled, her fear and pain getting the best of her. "How did you know about Xander? And he's not dead!"   
  
"Yes," Nathan nodded firmly, "he is dead. You killed him. I was watching -- I know many spells that let me do that..."   
  
Sonya felt tears building, but she pushed them back. If she let her grief loose now, the sobs would never stop. (Xander, oh, Xander...) But now, she had to focus on Nathan. She had to stop him, from whatever he was doing here.   
  
"Why did you come back to Sunnydale?" she asked bluntly. "Quit jerking me around and just tell me!"   
  
"I came for you." Nathan pinioned her with his black gaze.   
  
The answer threw her for a loop. "Me? Why would you want me? Until a few days ago, I was nothing."   
  
Nathan stood up and walked over to her. He laid a large hand on her shoulder. Sonya jerked back.   
  
"Au contraire, Sonya," Nathan said. "You have never been and never will be nothing. Your very genetic make up is powerful. Regardless of whether you have the Slayer Essence or not, you are so strong..."   
  
Sonya backed away from him, but he kept following.   
  
"I wanted to kill Buffy," Nathan said in a confiding tone. "The blood of a potential Slayer would have increased my powers exponentially. But later, when I replayed the situation in my mind and looked in on your happy little gang I discovered that I had picked the wrong girl. You are the one..."   
  
"You want to use my blood in some arcane ritual?" Sonya's eyes darted around the room, looking for anything she could use as a weapon or an escape route.   
  
"No, no, no," Nathan said gently. "Since then I've realized something. I can find many potential Slayers to increase my power... You are special. You are the woman who can help me carry out my ambitions. With you by my side, we can rule first Sunnydale and then the country... and maybe even more."   
  
"What are you saying here?" Sonya demanded, both to keep him distracted and because a part of her really wanted to know. "You want me to be your glorified servant, your wife, or what?"   
  
"Either... both..." Nathan inched forward until his face was only a breath from her own. "With your powers -- both innate and physical -- to draw on, I can reach new heights. And with my powers you will have everything you ever wanted. I've been giving that to you already. Are you enjoying it?"   
  
Sonya couldn't take it anymore. She pushed him away, and put several feet between them, ending up in front of his desk. A million feelings were swirling through her, but mostly fear -- fear of Nathan, fear for Xander, and the fear that everything that had happened over the past few days was about to come crashing down around her.   
  
"I never asked for any of this," she whispered.   
  
Nathan closed the distance between them again. "Yes, you did. Your soul was crying out for me, and I heard it." He caressed her hair with a cold finger.   
  
"I never asked for it to turn out like this!" Visions of Xander tormented her whenever she shut her eyes.   
  
"The thing with that boy was just puppy love," Nathan said. "It would never have lasted anyway. But your walking, your powers... these things I have given you. And as long as you are with me, you will keep them."   
  
"I don't believe you," Sonya whispered desperately, even though she did.   
  
"You know you do," Nathan countered. "I can hear it in the echoes of you mind."   
  
Sonya couldn't take it anymore. She picked up a paperweight sitting on the desk and bashed Nathan in the head with it. "Hear this, you psychopath! I'm never going to be 'with' you in any sense of the word!"   
  
With that, she began to run, skidding to a stop in front of the desk. "Nurse Jane!" she cried. "You've got to get out of here -- Na... Dr. Keller is insane!" Then she gasped, focusing on the figure behind the desk. A mannequin wearing Nurse Jane's uniform and nametag.   
  
"Good help is so hard to find." Nathan was walking slowly toward her down the hall. "Now, Sonya, come back here or I'm going to be very upset with you."   
  
"Like I care!" Sonya cried. "If you come near me again, then I'll kill you!"   
  
He shook his head. "You don't want to do that. If you do, then, poof, you're back in the wheelchair."   
  
Sonya stood there for a second, then she ran for the parking lot. She could still hear his voice, even as she got in the jeep and scrambled for the keys.   
  
"You're going to regret turning on me, Sonya. You thought tonight was bad -- just see what I can do!"   
  
With a screech, the jeep barreled out of the parking lot.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
After the paramedics loaded the still-unconscious Xander into the ambulance, Oz followed them to the hospital in his van. There wasn't really anything he could do, but he wanted to know if Xander would be all right before reporting back to Buffy and Amy.   
  
Oz hung around the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity. Then an intern in green scrubs came out and stopped by his chair.   
  
"Are you the one who came in with Mr. Harris?"   
  
Oz nodded, and waited for the young woman to tell him the news.   
  
"He's unconscious, and honestly we can't say for sure when he will wake up. But his vital signs are getting stronger as we speak, and we have every confidence that he will pull through."   
  
"Good," Oz answered.   
  
The woman held up a cautionary hand. "He does have some minor wounds and abrasions to deal with, and his shoulder was dislocated during whatever struggle caused this."   
  
"But that will heal quickly?"   
  
"Relatively quickly," she said. "Mr. Harris is a lucky young man. Or he will be when he wakes up."   
  
"Can I see him?"   
  
The intern shook her head. "Visiting hours are over now, so you'll need to come back tomorrow." She paused and smiled. "I know that's hard, but he'll be more stable by then as well." She patted him on the shoulder, and then left to see about other patients.   
  
Oz sat there for a moment, absorbing his gladness, and then he got up and walked into the parking lot just as a familiar-looking jeep pulled into the parking lot with a screech of the brakes and parked at a crazy angle. Sonya jumped out and started running for the doors.   
  
"Sonya!" Oz called.   
  
She turned to him with a mixture of desperation and relief. "Oz!" She crumpled into the arms that he suddenly found extended for her. She cried into his collar for a second, then she pulled back. "I have to get an ambulance!"   
  
"What happened?" Oz asked, hoping there hadn't been another mishap.   
  
"It's Xander... I think... that is he... might be... d... dead," Sonya stammered, her tears starting to flow again. "And I did it! I killed him!" She was starting to get hysterical. The sobs were turning wails, and her breath came in long, irregular gasps.   
  
Oz grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "He's not dead!"   
  
"No, he is! I killed him! Nathan told me..."   
  
"Who is Nathan?" Oz asked, but Sonya was in no condition to answer questions.   
  
"Sonya!" Oz snapped. "Get a hold of yourself. Xander's not dead! He's here, in the hospital."   
  
"What...?" She looked up, halting mid-sob.   
  
"I was looking for you. I found him. The ambulance came. Once he wakes up, the doctor has every confidence he'll be fine," Oz explained. He enunciated each word clearly, so that she would understand.   
  
Slowly, Sonya took a few deep breaths. "He's really fine? I didn't kill him?"   
  
"Right."   
  
"I've got to go see him!" Sonya started for the doors again, but Oz held her back.   
  
"We have to go and tell the others what happened. And you have to tell me who Nathan is."   
  
"But..."   
  
"No," Oz said firmly, pulling her toward the van. "You can see Xander later. You're coming with me now -- and I'm driving."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Angel had searched everywhere he could think of, but found no Sonya. He could only hope that Oz had found better luck.   
  
There was only one thing left for him to do -- go back to Buffy's, see if the girls had found anything and regroup from there.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Jenny drove Buffy and Amy back to Buffy's house. When they got inside, Jenny and Amy started setting up the spell. It didn't take much -- just a mirror and a circle placed on the floor with tape.   
  
Looking up from making the final touches on the circle, Jenny asked, "Buffy, you said you had a fourth? We're almost ready..."   
  
A door slammed outside, and Buffy stood up. "Me, too."   
  
Joyce walked in carrying a white paper bag. "Kids!" she called. "Buffy, honey, I'm home! I brought some of those cream cheese pastries you like so much to tempt your tummy!"   
  
"Hi, Mom," Buffy said, walking into the entry hall.   
  
"Buffy!" Joyce said with a smile. "You're up and around."   
  
"Yeah, I'm still not feeling myself, but hopefully that will change soon."   
  
Joyce walked into the kitchen to put the bag of goodies down on the counter.   
  
Buffy followed her. "Mom... I have to tell you something."   
  
"Yes, dear?" Joyce puttered around, getting herself a glass of water. Buffy watched as she tried to think of what to say. Giles wouldn't want her to do this... but Giles wasn't in a position to help. Her mom was. (And, technically, at this moment he's not even my Watcher anymore...) Buffy thought.   
  
"Mom..." This was harder than Buffy had thought. Finally, she just had to blurt it out. "Mom... it turns out that I have a destiny neither of us knew about."   
  
Joyce looked at Buffy with a puzzled expression. "Do you mean your results from the aptitude test came back? What... did it say you should go into landscape architecture or something? What kind of destiny are we talking about?"   
  
"Vampire Slayer."   
  
Joyce blinked. "Excuse me... I thought you said..."   
  
"Vampire Slayer," Buffy repeated. Joyce still looked confused, and she had every right to. Buffy guided Joyce over to the table, sat her down and took the chair next to her. "This is going to take a minute, but when I explain, you'll understand why it's important and why I need your help..."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Sonya sat in the van, looking out the window. She had just filled Oz in on everything that had happened since she left the library that evening. And Oz had filled her in on what he and the others had been doing.   
  
"They aren't going to want me there," she said quietly as he turned into the residential area where Buffy and her mother lived.   
  
"It will be OK," Oz replied. There was an uneasy pause, and then he said something else. "Have you thought about what happens when we get this guy?"   
  
Sonya sighed deeply. "That I'm going to be bound to the wheelchair again for the rest of my life?" She raised her foot out in front of her, marveling again at how it felt to be able to move it. Then the foot dropped back to the floorboard, and she shut her eyes tight. "I know what it's going to cost, but I've got to do this. Nathan can't succeed at whatever he's planning."   
  
The van pulled to a stop in front of Buffy's house.   
  
"Here we are," Oz said unnecessarily.   
  
"Yeah," Sonya said, opening her eyes and staring at the brightly lit windows. "Time to go in and face the music..."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"I just don't know what to say, Buffy..." Joyce looked into her daughter's face, searching for answers. In it she found both her sweet little girl and a strong, intelligent woman capable of taking care of more than just herself.   
  
"Say you believe me, Mom," Buffy begged, taking her mother's hand. "I know this is a big stretch for you, but I swear that it's all true. And I'm not crazy."   
  
"She's not crazy, Mrs. Summers." Amy stepped into the kitchen with Jenny behind her. "I know it's weird, but don't you feel a little better somehow to know that all those odd things in the world can be explained?"   
  
Joyce looked at Amy, and then back at Buffy. She squeezed her daughter's hand tightly.   
  
Tears formed in the corners of Buffy's eyes. "I didn't want to lie to you, Mom. I'm *so* sorry for that! It hurt every time I had to do it, but Giles said... well, I won't go through that again, but I want to start making that up to you now."   
  
That was all Joyce could take. She stood and pulled Buffy up and into a tight hug. "I love you so much, Buffy. And don't feel guilty -- you told me the truth now, and that's what counts."   
  
"You believe me?" Buffy mumbled into her mother's shoulder.   
  
"Yes, honey, I believe you... as hard as it is, I believe you."   
  
The hug went on a bit longer, then Jenny said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, I really am, but we've got to get on with this."   
  
Joyce let go of her daughter and met Jenny's clear gaze. "Hi, Ms. Calendar... You really need my help with a spell?"   
  
Jenny nodded. "And please, call me Jenny. People in a coven together should be on a first name basis..."   
  
The four women were walking into the living room when the door burst open and Oz ran in, followed more slowly by Sonya.   
  
"Why did you bring her here?" Amy demanded with a fierce frown to Oz. Buffy didn't say anything, but she carefully avoided looking at Sonya.   
  
"Some big things have been happening," Oz said. "Sonya needs to tell you about them..."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Angel saw Buffy's porch light shining in welcome, and turned up her front walk gratefully. (Maybe they have some news) he said, noting the presence of Oz's uniquely stripped van.   
  
Suddenly, before he could do anything, a huge black vortex opened in the sidewalk right in front of him. It was too late for him to stop, and before he could even scream, Angel fell into the vortex. The vortex swallowed him up, and vanished. 


	14. Chapter 13

In the Space of Desire  
Chapter Thirteen   
  
"Do you have a last name for this Nathan?" Jenny asked Sonya, after the younger girl and Oz had finished telling their respective tales.   
  
Rubbing her knee absently, Sonya shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. All I know is Nathan and Nigel Keller."   
  
"I don't know either," Buffy spoke up for the first time. "He held me captive, but I never found out anything more than that he was a very powerful sorcerer who worked for the Order of Taraka."   
  
"He worked for the Order of Taraka?" Jenny repeated, astonished. "Tarakan assassins are pricey and hard to come by."   
  
"He was a bad assassin, apparently," Amy muttered under her breath, but her comment was drowned out by a gasp from Joyce.   
  
"You were held captive by an assassin?" Joyce asked Buffy with a pained expression on her face.   
  
Buffy reached out and squeezed her mother's hand. "Yeah, but Xander and Angel rescued me."   
  
"Oh, honey," Joyce whispered. "I don't know if I'm going to be any good at this."   
  
"You're doing just fine," Buffy replied, giving her mom a tight hug.   
  
The wheels in Jenny's mind were turning rapidly, and abruptly she broke into the mother/daughter moment to ask, "Do you have a computer? One with internet access?"   
  
Buffy nodded. "It's in Mom's study."   
  
"I use it to keep track of art worldwide," Joyce explained, and then shut up, realizing that no one really cared.   
  
"I need to use it," Jenny said. The three women got up and walked into the study, followed by Amy and then the other two. Jenny flipped on the computer and began connecting to the internet with practiced ease.   
  
"With this, I can use my contacts and several mystical databases that I know of to research this Nathan guy," Jenny announced as she began clicking and typing her way to a specific destination. "I can cross reference him with Nigel Keller..." She looked at Buffy. "Is there anything else you can tell me about what happened when he was holding you? Something that might give us the clue we need?"   
  
Buffy thought back with all her mind. She closed her eyes and resurrected the scene in her head -- the hard table, the leather straps biting into her wrists, the fear, the sound of Nathan's cruel voice, the touch of his cold fingers on her cheek, the wicked-looking knife he raised above her as he contemplated where to thrust the blow that would spill her blood for his spell...   
  
"He had a knife," Buffy said slowly, opening her eyes to try and gauge Jenny's reaction. "He wanted my blood for a spell to bring him power, and he had a very ornate knife. The hilt had all sorts of carvings on it."   
  
"Symbols?" Jenny prodded.   
  
Buffy nodded, straining her mind to remember the details with accuracy. "Um... well... there was a cross, but it didn't look like a normal cross. It had a circle in the middle."   
  
"A Celtic Cross," Jenny murmured. "Go on, Buffy, you're doing well."   
  
"It also had a lot of circles and spirals on it," Buffy continued. "And this weird kind of spiral with three branches..."   
  
"The Triskele," Jenny interjected, getting more animated. "Did you see an Awen -- it is three upright bars, with the tops of the two outer bars leaning toward the top of the center bar."   
  
"Yes!" Buffy cried, nodding excitedly. "How did you know that?"   
  
"Those are symbols held sacred by Druids," Jenny explained. "This should help me find something concrete. There can't be too many practicing Druids with this kind of power." She began tapping away at the keyboard, and Joyce looked over her shoulder with interest.   
  
Amy and Buffy wandered back into the living room, and Sonya and Oz slowly followed. Buffy glanced back and noticed Sonya limping, but the other girl made no complaint. Buffy was sorely tempted to ignore Sonya's pain, but in the end, she couldn't. "Are you all right, Sonya?"   
  
Sonya grimaced, collapsing into the nearest chair and rubbing her knees with vigorous strokes. "No. It's my legs. They hurt with every step. It started just a few minutes ago feeling like pins and needles. Now it feels like I'm walking on shards of glass. And my bones just started aching constantly."   
  
"Do you think Nathan is making good on his threat to take away your ability to walk?" Buffy asked.   
  
"What else can I think?" Sonya slumped backwards, swallowing a moan. She didn't want the others to think she was looking for pity.   
  
"Wait a minute," Amy said slowly.   
  
Sonya looked up, expecting another insult. "What?"   
  
"Well, you said that whatever Nathan did to you he used that machine and the pills. And he used them several times, right?"   
  
"Yeah," Sonya answered. "I told you all that."   
  
"It just doesn't make sense that it could -- poof -- all go away, you know?" Amy posed the question thoughtfully. "I mean, the magic has been building up in your system through days of concentrated effort. It couldn't dissipate this quickly. If he'd just made it come in a poof, then sure, but..." She paused, thinking it all out, and then asked, "Did you do something different today than before?"   
  
Sonya pondered the question, and then an idea came to her. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a purple and blue pill wrapped in a napkin. "I put this in my pocket when Xander and I were going to go out to dinner." She quickly moved away from the Xander topic. "But I'm supposed to take it with food and with... everything... going on I didn't take it before I found out the truth about Nathan."   
  
She stared at the tablet with an intense scowl, and then crinkled the pill up in the napkin and threw it on the ground. If she'd had the energy, she would have crushed it with her foot. She looked at Buffy with a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Not that I can take it now."   
  
Amy stood and picked up the pill. She looked it over. It was still intact. "I bet if you took this you could hang on to your strength, and your ability to walk, for at least a little while longer. Maybe until time for the next dose." When her epiphany was over, Amy looked at Sonya with an odd expression on her face -- waiting to see what the girl would decide.   
  
Sonya stared at Buffy. "Now that I know these pills are part of what's making you sick... well... I just can't." She looked over at Amy. "Destroy that thing."   
  
The expression on Amy's face was a mixture of admiration and dismay. "I'm not sure if that's such a good idea."   
  
"What do you mean?" Sonya demanded. "All this time, you've been the one giving me the most grief about everything, and now you want me to do something that will make it all worse? Have you lost it completely?"   
  
"Amy has a point," Buffy suddenly spoke up. Everyone turned to look at her. From her position on the couch with her feet drawn up under her and a quilt wrapped around her shoulders she stared right back at them, daring them to defy her, even in her weakened condition. "Even if you don't take that pill, I'm still going to be too weak to fight Nathan. You should do it."   
  
Sonya raised an eyebrow. "Who are you people? More zombie-clones brought on by the vestiges of my wishing power?"   
  
Buffy shook her head. "Trust me here, I'm no zombie. But you have to take that pill so you can fight Nathan."   
  
"You're right in that it may make some things worse," Amy said, "but it should give you the extra power you need to take Nathan down. And it won't be permanent, I don't think. You never did take the last two treatments..."   
  
"You don't need me to fight Nathan," Sonya protested, though the thought of taking the sorcerer down herself did have a certain amount of appeal. "You've got Angel. He's not affected by the spell. Why would he be? I don't even like him most of the time."   
  
"Guys," Oz said, speaking for the first time in a long while, "speaking of Angel, shouldn't he be here by now?"   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"It's time to wake up now..."   
  
It was the annoyingly persistent cooing that brought Angel back to the real world. Upon hitting the vortex he'd passed out, but when he started to wake up everything came back to him in a flash. His eyes sprang open and he found himself bound on an examination table by an unseen force. He strained against it, but it was no use. He couldn't move a muscle.   
  
"You shouldn't tire yourself out so," the voice said again with the same slight accent. Then, above his face, a familiar visage came into view. "I would prefer your body to be well rested when I take it over."   
  
Angel tried to speak, to demand what was going on, but he couldn't.   
  
"Don't bother trying to talk either," the man -- Nathan, Angel remembered -- advised in an almost cheery tone. "You've been completely immobilized. Very useful spell against a vampire, I must say."   
  
Nathan moved out of Angel's line of sight for a moment, and then he was back. "I will enjoy using your body. You see, physical strength is not my greatest asset, but you have it in spades. Of course, you might ask why I don't just find a vampire to do the job on me, but that just wouldn't suit my purposes. I don't want to be a vampire permanently -- I enjoy a good nap in the sun now and then, and there's no way I will let some demon with my memories take charge of all the power I've built over the years -- I just want to borrow your strength. And if you work out well I might let you live for awhile... in case I need to use you again."   
  
After hearing that, Angel redoubled his efforts to break free of the spell that kept him motionless, but it was to no avail.   
  
"I told you not to bother with that!" Nathan exclaimed with a frown. "Now just lie there until the spell is complete. Then you won't be worrying about anything."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Sonya stared at the pill Amy had given back to her while Oz went to look out front for Angel. The vampire could be waiting out there -- unable to get in since he'd never been invited. Though why he wouldn't just knock or something...   
  
"Are you going to do it?" Buffy asked, disturbing Sonya from her thoughts.   
  
"Are you sure?" Sonya asked Buffy.   
  
"No," Buffy replied simply, "but it's the only way I can think of."   
  
Before either of them could change their minds, Sonya put the pill in her mouth and swallowed it dry. She made a face at the bitter aftertaste, but the deed was done. Already the pain in her legs was lessening.   
  
"I would have let you get a glass of water or something," Buffy said, smiling a little at Sonya.   
  
Sonya smiled back. "I had to do it before I could second guess the decision any more."   
  
Oz came back in the room. "He's not out there."   
  
Amy frowned. "That doesn't seem right. He wouldn't have gone anywhere else."   
  
"Unless he came across someone being attacked...," Buffy offered.   
  
The musings were interrupted by Jenny and Joyce coming into the room with a sheaf of papers.   
  
"I take it you found something?" Sonya asked, eyeing the papers.   
  
"Plenty," Jenny replied, setting the stack of papers in the middle of the coffee table.   
  
"Fill us in," Buffy said, making room for Joyce to sit next to her on the couch.   
  
"Well," Jenny started, "I contacted some old friends of mine that are practicing Druids, and they'd heard of a Nigel Goring. He was a Druid by both birth and faith, but nothing remarkable."   
  
"Why do we care about this?" Sonya asked with a frown.   
  
Jenny held up the first page -- a fuzzy computer image of a pale man with dark hair. "This is Nigel Goring."   
  
Both Buffy and Sonya gasped a little. Sonya spoke. "That's the man I met tonight."   
  
"And the one I met a month ago," Buffy confirmed.   
  
"That's what I was afraid of." Jenny sighed. "I think the man you two saw was this man, but I don't think it was Nigel Goring."   
  
"Huh?" Buffy looked very confused, as did the rest of the teens in the room. "Could you make any less sense?"   
  
"I'll try," Jenny responded without a smile. "My friends directed me to an archive of history which proved helpful. Especially in light of the fact that Nigel Goring disappeared from his home five years ago, leaving behind a wife and child whom he was supposedly devoted to and yet has never contacted." Jenny made sure everyone was listening before she started the next portion of her revelations.   
  
"Years ago there was a very powerful Druid named Nathan -- legend says he broke with traditional beliefs and became power-hungry and blood thirsty, no longer content to search for knowledge, enlightenment and higher planes of being. Other Druids promptly forced him to leave their order, and it was said that he studied under all the great sorcerers and magic-wielders of the time. Rumor had it that this man even learned how to move from body to body -- making each new body his own regardless of the body's original soul.   
  
"I think -- and so do my contacts now that I've told them what's going on here -- that this Nathan has been bouncing from body to body since his original body's demise and that Nigel Goring is just the latest in the chain. Because Nigel was also a Druid, perhaps Nathan has a special kind of hold on him."   
  
"This is all very illuminating," Sonya broke in, "but what do we do about it? I mean, sure we know a lot about the guy now, but are we really any closer to stopping him?"   
  
"I was just getting to that," Jenny replied, keeping any sharpness out of her tone. Amy gave Sonya a glare and the other girl promptly shut up.   
  
The computer teacher cum senior witch pulled a small, clear, pink-tinted, sphere out of her bag.   
  
"Looks like a paperweight," Buffy commented.   
  
Jenny spared the girl a small smile. "It does, doesn't it? Actually, it's an Orb of Kessla." She smoothed the orb with her long, slender fingers. "There are few of these in the world -- even fewer than there are Orbs of Thessela." Seeing that she was losing the non-magic users, Jenny stepped up the explanation. "Both types of orbs can have an effect on the soul: the Orb of Thessela anchors a lost soul to it's original body; the Orb of Kessla uses drastically different means to achieve the same results. Place the Orb of Kessla in the hands of one *not* in his own body, and the visiting soul will be dispelled instantly, and the original soul will be able to come back. Though if the orb is released before the expelled soul finds some other host or is disposed of there is danger of recontamination."   
  
"So I take this orb and put it in the sorcerer's hands, and poof, Nathan is gone, Goring comes back?" Sonya asked.   
  
"Theoretically," Jenny replied. "But there are three problems."   
  
"Wait a second," Amy interrupted. "What happens to all of Nathan... or Nigel or whoever... what happens to his powers?"   
  
Jenny gave Amy an approving smile. "Good, Amy. You've discovered our first problem. And it's the only problem for which I don't have a countermeasure. I don't know where the power will go. Well, as long as the soul is alive, the power will stay with the soul, but once the soul is gone, it could go anywhere. It might go into the earth, or disseminate into the atmosphere... or it might go into a person. There's no way to tell."   
  
"That's a risk we're going to have to take," Buffy said firmly. "What I want to know is how do we get that soul gone?"   
  
"I agree, Buffy," Jenny answered. "And I have a spell, kindly provided by a wizard I know in France. It is an elemental spell, which takes four females to cast, and it will sent a designated soul to its final resting place."   
  
"Good," Buffy said. "We'll do it, and Oz and Sonya will go after Nathan. And Angel, too, if we ever find him."   
  
"Wait," Oz spoke up. "What about the third thing?"   
  
They all looked back to Jenny, who spoke carefully. "The catch with this spell is that we will have to cast it at the precise moment the soul is in limbo between hosts. We will have to know what is going on. But if we are there, Nathan will know what we are doing and try to stop us. We need a window to be able to see. I intend to create a link between two of you, so each can see out of the others' eyes. That will serve the dual purpose of keeping our two groups connected."   
  
"Who will be linked?" Sonya asked, a worried expression on her face.   
  
"You and Buffy." The room fell completely silent at that statement, and Jenny explained her reasoning. "The two of you are linked already by the fluctuation of your powers. It will be easy to amplify that into something more tangible."   
  
"You are so good at this..." Joyce marveled as the two girls pondered Jenny's last announcement. "How did you learn all this stuff?"   
  
"Years and years of training," Jenny replied with a strange look on her face. "Magic runs in my family." Then the look went away, and she added, "I also have plenty of friends and fellow techno-pagans on the internet to help me when I run out of ideas."   
  
"You'd make a good Watcher," Oz remarked.   
  
Buffy interrupted this conversation with a question. "Will the link go away after this is all over?"   
  
"Yes." Jenny nodded firmly.   
  
"Fine," Buffy agreed, looking at Sonya. "Let's do it."   
  
Sonya looked a bit more apprehensive, but when she saw Buffy was game she decided to go along with it. "All right."   
  
Jenny extended her hands. "You two come sit in front of me, and take my hands in yours, and each others." Soon they were sitting in a linked circle, and Jenny began the simple chant as the others looked on. 


	15. Chapter 14

In the Space of Desire  
Chapter Fourteen   
  
Summers' Residence   
  
"Any special instructions?" Sonya asked. The pill had taken effect, and now she was practically bouncing up and down with energy and anticipation. Buffy was laying on the couch, listening intently, wrapped up in her quilt.   
  
Jenny looked at the newly mind-linked girls. "All you have to do is close your eyes and think of the other, and you'll be able to see out their eyes. Sonya, I recommend that you don't do it often."   
  
"I need to keep my eye on the job," Sonya agreed.   
  
"Here's the Orb of Kessla." Jenny handed it to Sonya. The girl tossed it into the air and caught it one-handed. Jenny gave her a look, took the orb back and handed it to Oz.   
  
"Try not to kill Nigel if you can help it," Jenny said quietly, "but if there's no other choice..."   
  
Oz shouldered the bag of weapons from Buffy's trunk upstairs. "Don't worry." Then he looked at Sonya. "Let's go." With that he headed toward his van.   
  
Jenny watched them go.   
  
"Now what?" Joyce asked.   
  
"Now we wait until the time is right." Jenny paused, and then looked around at the preparations they'd made for the oracle spell that had never been performed. "Amy, would you mind clearing this up while I get things ready for the dispersion spell?"   
  
"No problem!" Amy said eagerly. Soon the witch and the witch-in-training were working competently side-by-side.   
  
Joyce laid a cool hand on Buffy's forehead. "How do you feel, honey?"   
  
"Weak," Buffy answered honestly. "But it's better to know for sure what's causing it."   
  
"You rest now," Joyce said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "You need to build up your strength for later."   
  
Buffy nodded and closed her eyes. Her body welcomed the respite, but her mind was nowhere near inactive. With her eyes closed, she thought of Sonya, and suddenly she was there, in the other girl's mind. Buffy could see Oz driving and the familiar landmarks of Sunnydale flashing by the van's windows. But it was more than that. She could feel Sonya's emotions, and hear her thoughts. And then Sonya was aware of Buffy, too.   
  
(This is weird) Sonya said in her mental voice. Buffy could hear it just as loud and clear as if Sonya were standing right next to her.   
  
(Yeah) Buffy agreed.   
  
(I can feel your thoughts and emotions) Sonya confided.   
  
Buffy was interested to know that the closeness of the linking went both ways. (Me, too) she replied.   
  
Then they were silent for a minute. There were so many things to say, that there was nowhere to begin. That was when they realized that they didn't need to begin. Buffy knew that Sonya was really and truly sorry for the pain she had caused. Sonya could feel Buffy's anger fading away, and the hurts that would take much longer to heal. This situation could have been extremely uncomfortable for both of them, but somehow it wasn't.   
  
"Sonya," Oz said as the van pulled up to a stop sign. "Which way?"   
  
Distracted from Buffy, Sonya looked at Oz and answered, "Straight. You go down several more blocks until we pass that big bank with the gold windows, then Keller's clinic will be right there."   
  
Oz glanced at her, with what might have almost been called a smile. "Thanks."   
  
"You're... you're welcome."   
  
Buffy watched this exchange with interest. She could feel very interesting emotions roiling through Sonya when she looked at or thought about Oz. Buffy thought about mentioning it, but then decided not to. These emotions were deep, and possibly hidden, too. And there was something more important Buffy wanted to know.   
  
(I want to know about you and Xander.)   
  
Sonya started. She had almost forgotten about her tag-along visitor. (Do you really want to get in to all that now?)   
  
(We've got a couple of minutes before you get there.)   
  
(What do you want to know?)   
  
Buffy was already learning a lot by seeing Sonya's conflicting feelings on the subject. Guilt, longing, fear, love, attraction, guilt again. There was a lot of guilt.   
  
(I want to know what you're going to do now...) Buffy finally said.   
  
(I don't know) Sonya admitted. (Things are going to be so weird between us now. I wonder if we'll ever be able to get back to just friendship.)   
  
If either girl thought it was odd that they were being so open with each other, they didn't say anything. There wasn't any point to lying when the other person would know the truth in an instant.   
  
(Would you be happy with just friendship?)   
  
Sonya winced at the pain hidden behind that simple question. When Buffy thought about Xander, all her other emotions went away. Sonya had known that Buffy cared for him before -- maybe she'd even known Buffy loved him, but she hadn't realized the feelings were this deep and this strong.   
  
(Before, no) Sonya admitted honestly. (Now, well, I wonder if Nathan wasn't right about one thing.)   
  
(What was that?)   
  
(He said my feelings for Xander were just puppy love, or infatuation. I don't know. I do love him -- I love him a lot. But maybe it's not that kind of love... I'm so confused, Buffy. I don't know what's going to happen. My life has just been completely trashed, and there's no way for me to fix it. Sure, I can try and get Nathan gone, but then where will I be? A cripple, again! But there's no way I can sell my soul to him for my legs. This is all so hard!)   
  
If Buffy had been there in person, she would have reached out and given Sonya a hug.   
  
(If it makes you feel any better, I understand how you feel now, and I don't hate you anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm still hurt, and I don't know what's going to happen either, but that deep, down feeling of utter loathing that I've had for you since the night I saw you and Xander behind the tombstone, well, that's gone.)   
  
(Umm... thanks, I think.)   
  
(I wonder if Jenny knew this would happen when she bonded us together like this?) Buffy pondered.   
  
(Probably) Sonya replied. (I think that woman knows a lot more than she's telling. Not about Nathan maybe, but about life on the Hellmouth in general.)   
  
(Maybe when this is all over, we'll have to invite her to join the team.)   
  
(Maybe so.)   
  
"Hey, Sonya... wake up."   
  
The shock of actually hearing with her real ears instead of with her mind caused Sonya's eyes to flash open. Oz was staring at her. The van had stopped a block away from Keller's clinic.   
  
"We should walk the rest of way," Oz said. "You know... the advantage of surprise. Tell Buffy goodbye, and let's go."   
  
Sonya grinned. Somehow he always knew what was going on. But she didn't have to tell Buffy anything. Now that Sonya would need all of her mind on the job at hand, Buffy had withdrawn to the back of Sonya's mind -- a watchful, waiting, almost-friendly presence, comforting but not intrusive.   
  
"I'm ready," Sonya said, hoisting the bag of weapons to her shoulder. "Let's go."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Jenny walked over to Buffy's prone form. She knelt down and shouted into Buffy's ear to get the girl's attention. "What's going on?"   
  
Without opening her eyes, Buffy replied, "They're at the clinic."   
  
Looking at Amy and Joyce, Jenny said, "We should get into position. When Buffy gives the signal, we're going to have to hurry."   
  
"But until then we have to wait," Amy mumbled to herself.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"I wish we could have found Angel," Sonya whispered as she and Oz crept up to the front door of the clinic. "I may not like him much, but he is sometimes an asset during battle."   
  
"I drove the route I thought he would take," Oz replied in a similarly soft tone. "Nothing."   
  
When they reached the door, Sonya tried the handle. Locked.   
  
"Should we try around back...?" Oz started, but Sonya shook her head.   
  
"Takes more than a lock to stop a Slayer." She grabbed the handle in both hands and pulled. The door came flying off its hinges and crashed onto the sidewalk with the noise of screeching metal. Sonya looked at Oz in dismay.   
  
"So much for the element of surprise," Oz muttered.   
  
Sonya pushed back her negative feelings and preceded Oz into the clinic. "If I can't control my powers, this may be more difficult than we thought."   
  
"Sonya, there you are. I was wondering what had happened to you."   
  
The pair of teens looked up to see Angel coming down the hallway toward them.   
  
"Angel," Sonya demanded, "what are you doing here? And where the hell have you been?"   
  
"I've been getting a little attitude adjustment," Angel replied with a saccharine sweet smile. "And how are you two?"   
  
Oz and Sonya exchanged a glance. This was definitely not the Angel they knew.   
  
(Body switch?) Oz mouthed silently with a raised eyebrow.   
  
Sonya shrugged. It was either that or more unexpected effects from her taking the last pill.   
  
As the pause lengthened, Angel's weird smile vanished into a scowl. "Well, if you two don't want to be polite about this, we can do it the hard way." He motioned with his hand, and Oz went flying backwards into a wall. "This is going to be fun."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Joyce sat next to her daughter, watching with intent mother eyes as Buffy experienced whatever she was experiencing. Joyce wished that she could be a part of it. All this had thrown her for a loop, but she was trying to deal, as Buffy would say.   
  
"I wish I could help you, sweetie," she whispered, though Buffy was too involved to hear her.   
  
A hand touched Joyce on the shoulder. "You are helping, Mrs. Summers," Amy said, a shaky smile on her face. "You're being a good, loving, supportive mother. And you trusted Buffy when she told you a story that sounded like some teen horror flick. Who could ask for more than that?"   
  
Joyce reached up and covered Amy's hand with her own. "Thank you, Amy. I appreciate that."   
  
The two shared a smile, and Joyce wondered for a moment what Amy's story was. There had been much sharing that evening, but obviously not everything. Then the phone rang, interrupting the moment.   
  
Joyce stood and walked out into the hall to find the cordless. For once it was actually in the phone nook. "Will miracles never cease," Joyce muttered, picking up the phone and clicking the talk button. "Hello."   
  
"Er... yes... Mrs. Summers, I presume?"   
  
She recognized that British accent. "Mr. Giles. What can I do for you?" She couldn't help the sudden coldness of her voice. She knew that he wasn't responsible for his actions this evening, but he had shown such a callous disregard for her daughter that Joyce wanted to yell at him. She restrained herself.   
  
"I am... er... looking for Sonya. I cannot find her anywhere, and I thought that perhaps she was with Buffy." Even over the telephone wires, the man's voice sounded rife with worry.   
  
Joyce took pity on him, and told him what she knew. "Sonya was here, but she's gone now. But I'm sure she will be fine. Don't worry."   
  
"Of course I worry," Giles replied angrily. "She is my... ward. I'm responsible for her. Almost like a father for his daughter. You should know something about parental feelings, Mrs. Summers."   
  
"Yes, I do know something about that," Joyce snapped. "And I will thank you to stay out of my daughter's life from now on. You've hurt her terribly, Mr. Giles, and I don't know if either of us will ever forget that. If everything goes according to plan and Buffy gets her powers back I hope she gets a different... oh, what's it called... a different Watcher!" Joyce bit off her next insult before it could come out, realizing she'd said too much.   
  
"Buffy told you?" Giles demanded. "I can't believe it! That is so irresponsible..."   
  
"As irresponsible as ignoring a sick girl when she comes to you for help?" Joyce asked bitterly.   
  
Giles didn't respond to the insult, instead tracking on the last part of Joyce's earlier statement. "What is this plan? What is going on here? It is my right to know these things!"   
  
"You're the one who decided on this 'need to know' principle, aren't you, Mr. Giles?" Joyce asked in a saccharine tone. "Well, at this point, you aren't on my need-to-know list. I hope you have a lovely evening while we save the world." Then she hung up, feeling a mixture of empowerment and regret.   
  
"I suppose I really shouldn't have said that," she said under her breath. Then she turned and went back into the living room to resume her vigil by her daughter.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Nurse Esther Michaels had worked the night shift at Sunnydale Memorial Hospital for over twenty years. She did dinners, made sure all the patients on her floor were tucked in to bed on time, supervised the other nurses and did countless other tasks to see to the comfort and well being of her patients. She peeped in at her newest patient -- a handsome, unconscious young man that somehow made her think of her own son away at college -- one last time, and then headed back for the nurses' desk at the end of the hallway, her rubber-soled shoes squeaking on the tile floor.   
  
"Hannah," Esther asked the younger, blonder nurse sitting behind the desk. "Have you reached Mr. Harris' family yet?"   
  
"No, ma'am," Hannah replied, with a shake of the head that set her blonde curls to bouncing. "I've tried his home number, the one on his drivers' license repeatedly, but no one is home and there is no answering machine."   
  
Esther sighed. "Well, keep trying. He's bound to have some parents somewhere that will want to know what happened to him."   
  
"Yes, ma'am," Hannah replied, picking up the phone again.   
  
Suddenly, from down the hall there was a loud crash. Esther was running before a second went by, Hannah following. Esther realized quickly that the noise had come from Mr. Harris' room. She opened the door to see the young man standing up, his IV laying on the ground. He'd pulled the needle out of his arm and was staring around the room with wild eyes.   
  
"Mr. Harris," Esther said in her most soothing tones, "I know you're a bit confused right now, but you need to calm down. You're in the hospital. Do you remember how you got here?"   
  
"I've got to get out of here!" the boy cried excitedly. "I've got to find her. She needs me!"   
  
Esther made a shooing motion to Hannah, who understood the signal and quickly withdrew from the room. The older nurse stepped toward the boy. "Now then, you are in no condition to go gallivanting around, Mr. Harris. Who is this 'she'?"   
  
"She needs me!" the boy yelled again. "Where are my clothes? I've got to get out of here!"   
  
Esther sensed Hannah's re-entrance, and held her hand out behind her back so the boy couldn't see. Hannah slipped Esther the syringe. Esther stepped toward the boy, saying, "Your clothes are in that cabinet right behind you."   
  
The boy turned and opened the cabinet door, and Esther got close enough to stick the needle into his buttocks revealed by the open-backed hospital gown. The boy yelped as she pushed the plunger. As the boy started to sink to the ground, Hannah came over and helped Esther get him back in the bed and reattach the IV.   
  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Harris," Esther said to the boy as he stared at her groggily. "I can't let you leave just yet. It might set back your recovery. But don't worry, the tranquilizer won't last too long -- hopefully just long enough for you to sleep through the night."   
  
Xander whispered something, and Esther leaned down to hear it.   
  
"What did he say?" Hannah asked.   
  
Esther looked up, confused. "He said 'Buffy.'" 


	16. Chapter 15

In the Space of Desire  
Chapter Fifteen   
  
The Medical Clinic   
  
There was a loud crash as Oz's body hit the wall and slid down to the floor, unconscious for the time being. Sonya wanted to go to him and make sure he was alright, but first she had to deal with Angel, or Nathan, or Nigel... or whoever the hell he was now...   
  
"If you've seriously hurt him, you'll regret it," she warned the sorcerer, her voice filled with menace.   
  
Angel/Nathan laughed heartily. "I sincerely doubt that, my dear." He smiled a cold, cruel smile that looked very unnerving on Angel's normally-friendly face. "After all," he continued, taking a slow step toward her, "the only reason you're even able to stand up on your own two feet is because *I* made it happen. Without me, you'd still be trapped in your wheelchair, unable to do anything for yourself. The poor, helpless cripple that *used* to be someone important. What a waste. It must be hard knowing that all your so-called friends feel for you is pity and loathing." His eyes gleamed. "Join me, Sonya. Then you can show them all how powerful you really are. You can make them pay for how badly they've treated you." His voice softened to a conspiratorial whisper. "You know they've never really cared for you, Sonya. They'd turn on you in a heartbeat. And that's why you have to turn on them first."   
  
For a split second, Sonya felt all her insecurities threaten to overwhelm her. She remembered how Amy had insulted her time and again. She remembered how it felt to almost be raped by someone she'd trusted with her life. She remembered Oz's face when he'd walked out of the library and left her alone, and his cold words to her later, at Buffy's house. But then she felt the reassuring presence of Buffy in the back of her mind, giving her strength. And she remembered how Oz had believed in her, even when everyone else hadn't given a damn. And she looked up at the sorcerer in Angel's body, realizing that the vampire had been out looking for her, risking his life for her own, when Nathan had found and captured him. Sonya's eyes narrowed and she impaled Nathan with her steely gaze. Smirking, she commented, "That was the wrong tactic to use on me, Nathan. I know that my friends really care about me, even after all of this. And I'll never knowingly betray them for the likes of you."   
  
Nathan shrugged. "Maybe not. But that doesn't matter. If you don't join me willingly..." He reached out Angel's right hand and grabbed her by the collar, catching her off guard and dragging her forward on her toes. "Then I'll just have to do this the hard way."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Buffy flinched. Jenny knelt down next to her on the couch. "What's happening?"   
  
"It's started, but Nathan is in... Angel," Buffy murmured. She couldn't spare much energy for conversation -- not that she had scads of energy to spare right now -- but she was using most of what she had to keep Sonya calm and in control. Nathan was cold, cruel and calculating. His words lanced through Sonya's heart like a poison-tipped spear, and Buffy felt everything. But distance gave her perspective, which she shared with Sonya. Together, the two girls stood up to the emotional blackmail, and survived.   
  
When Nathan/Angel grabbed Sonya, Buffy's eyes flashed open. She looked at Jenny. "It's started. We have to be ready."   
  
Jenny nodded and gently guided Buffy to her place in the circle, where Buffy sat and closed her eyes again. Joyce and Amy took their places on either side of Buffy while Jenny lit the thick, pure white candle on the table in front of them.   
  
"Tell me when, Buffy," Jenny whispered. "Just tell me when."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Sonya wrenched herself free from Nathan's grasp and took a step back, putting a little distance between herself and the sorcerer. Then, before he could say another word, she thrust her leg out in a perfect side kick, her foot catching him in the stomach and knocking him backwards. He stumbled over a nearby chair and landed hard on the floor. Sonya moved in closer, watching as he scrambled to his feet to meet her. When Nathan threw a punch at her, she ducked, coming up underneath his arm and grabbing it. Then she used her leverage to flip him over her hip and onto the ground again.   
  
Smirking, she called out to him, "Now what was that you were saying about doing this the 'hard way' before?"   
  
"Shut up, bitch!" Nathan snarled at her, awkwardly getting back to his feet. He was obviously still not used to fighting in an unfamiliar body. But Sonya knew that soon he would be and she wanted to end this battle long before then. Pulling a stake from her jacket pocket, she cast a side-long glance in Oz's direction, wondering if she'd be able to make it close enough to him to get the orb out of his pocket without Nathan catching her. Then she turned her attention back to the sorcerer in front of her.   
  
"Don't move one inch, or I'll put this stake right through your heart, Nathan."   
  
Nathan laughed, looking rather smug. "But my dear, how could you do anything to harm poor Angel? He's your friend."   
  
Sonya snorted disdainfully. "Obviously you haven't been paying much attention."   
  
At Nathan's confused expression, she clarified, "I don't give a damn about whether or not Angel lives through this. Looks like you picked the wrong hostage, Nathan!"   
  
Nathan's eyes narrowed. "You'd like to believe that, wouldn't you, Sonya? But regardless of your own personal feelings on the matter, there is one thing you're forgetting."   
  
"And what's that?"   
  
"Your little boy-toy, the Pseudo-Slayer. He cares about what happens to the vampire. And since you care about Harris, you'll have a mighty big problem with killing one of his best friends."   
  
Instead of answering, Sonya punched Nathan in the jaw and followed up with a punch to the gut. She was about to nail him again, with a kick this time, when Nathan surprised her by catching her foot mid-kick and twisting it around, sending her to the ground in a crash of limbs. Before she could even attempt to regain her footing, he launched a viscous kick to her stomach, knocking the wind out of her and making her gasp. Then he moved his hands in a complicated series of movements and a strange wind picked up, throwing Sonya back against the wall on the other side of the room. Her head hit the wall with a loud crack, and Sonya felt the warmth of blood in her hair. She tried to open her eyes, but everything blurred. She heard Nathan's laugh and his footsteps and tried to scoot away.   
  
"Get away from my daughter!"   
  
The sudden yell took everyone by surprise. Sonya knew that voice. "No, Giles!" she protested weakly. With a new sense of urgency, she willed the dizziness and pain away and squinted until her vision cleared in time for her to see Giles running toward Nathan/Angel, spike and sword in hand.   
  
The problem was, Giles had yelled too soon. He was still halfway down the hall, but his rage had been so great he couldn't hold back.   
  
Nathan looked at Giles with a raised eyebrow. "Who do you think you are, old man?"   
  
"The only way you'll hurt her is over my dead body," Giles yelled, vaulting over Oz's crumpled form. He was almost close enough to swing the heavy sword, but Nathan didn't look worried.   
  
"No!" Sonya tried to rise, but the world spun around her again, and she fell, her eyes riveted to the scene before her. "Giles! Get out of here!"   
  
"Over your dead body?" Nathan asked, pretending to ponder. Then Giles swung the sword and Nathan ducked. "Those are acceptable terms, Englishman!" Nathan extended a hand, and Sonya knew what was coming -- it was his favorite trick.   
  
"Watch out, Giles!" she yelled. "He's got telekinesis!"   
  
But it was too late. Sword and stake clattered to the ground, and Giles went flying backwards into the wall. But Nathan didn't stop there. Another gesture sent Giles flying into a second wall, and then a third. But his attention was off of Sonya for a crucial second.   
  
As she slowly climbed to her feet, Sonya's eyes landed on Oz, who still lay in a crumpled heap near the door. She noticed with more than a little worry that his leg was bent at a strange angle behind him. But she didn't have time to think about him right now. She had to do something, or they'd all three be dead.   
  
Finally she came to a decision. She needed the orb now. Sonya grabbed a potted plant that was sitting on a nearby table and threw it at Nathan with all her might, causing him to duck away and lose his concentration on Giles. The Watcher fell to the floor. While Nathan was distracted, she swallowed her lingering dizziness and made a break for it, dashing to Oz's side and reaching her hand into his jacket pocket in search of the orb of Kessla. Her fingers brushed over something smooth and round and she grinned with the realization that she'd found the orb. But suddenly, she felt rough hands grabbing her by the hair and pulling her away from Oz and the orb, which she hadn't managed to get a hold of in time. Sonya tried to get free of Nathan's grip, reaching her hands up to claw at his face, but he just shook her roughly, causing tears to leak out of her eyes when she felt patches of her hair ripping loose at the roots.   
  
"Let go of me, you... you... caveman!" Sonya screamed. But she knew that would do no good.   
  
Nathan snapped his fingers, and suddenly, he held a long, gleaming knife with a hilt Buffy recognized through Sonya. "You know, Slayer," he said thoughtfully, "I've changed my mind about that blood..."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Oz awoke to the sounds of fighting and opened his eyes groggily. He pushed himself up on his elbows and shook his head to clear his hazy vision. The last thing he remembered was being flung harshly against the wall and then pain in his leg and darkness. Oz quickly took stock of the situation around him. Nathan had Sonya trapped at knife point, and Giles was in a bloody heap on the floor, looking more horrible than Oz felt. Oz tried to get back to his feet in order to help Sonya, but when he put too much weight on his left leg a sharp, lancing pain shot through his body, causing him to fall back to the ground in a heap. His leg was obviously broken. Oz closed his eyes and took a few deep, even breaths to keep from crying out from the pain. He was a big believer in the element of surprise -- his only weapon against the powerful sorcerer in the powerful vampire's body.   
  
After a few seconds, the pain became a little more bearable and Oz gave a sigh of relief. He shifted his weight to keep from pressing too much on his hurt leg and was surprised to feel something strange in his jacket pocket. Then he remembered. The orb! He had to get this orb into Nathan's hands so that the others could perform the spell! Oz pulled the spherical, rose-colored glass from his jacket and looked up at the scene before him. And he had to get Nathan and his knife away from Sonya. She was trying her hardest, but it looked like Nathan/Angel had the upper hand, for now.   
  
Bracing himself against the pain he knew would be almost unbearable, Oz used his good leg to launch himself in a flying leap toward the combatants. When he was close enough, he thrust the orb into Sonya's flailing hands.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
One second Sonya was at Nathan's mercy, and the next second Oz's surprise attack knocked her free. And she had the orb! She scrambled to her feet, unable to spare the boy a glance where he lay crumpled on the ground. Nathan was glaring at him with murder in his/Angel's eyes. She had to distract him!   
  
"Hey, Nathan!" she cried, hiding the orb behind her back. "Did I hear you say something about wanting my blood? Looks like you missed!"   
  
Her taunts enraged the sorcerer, and he lost interest in Oz. He stepped toward Sonya and started to chant. She felt the unnatural wind pick up again, but this time she was glad. Seconds later, the wind blew her straight into Nathan's grasp.   
  
Sonya pulled out the orb and laid it in his hands. His expression of triumph faded into pain as the orb began to do its job. Pink flashes of light played in the air around them. One of them hit Sonya on the shoulder by mistake. She grunted, but held in the pain, using it to re-enforce her concentration on Nathan. He tried to drop the orb, but Sonya held on to both it and his hand with all her revived Slayer powers. Nathan began to scream...   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
When she saw Sonya get the Orb of Kessla into Nathan/Angel's hands, Buffy's eyes snapped open. "He's got the orb. But Giles and Oz... I don't know if they'll make it!"   
  
"It's time," Jenny replied. "We can think about them after we do this spell."   
  
"Oh dear," Joyce murmured, but she dutifully linked hands with Buffy and Jenny.   
  
"Don't worry," Amy whispered to her from across the table.   
  
Joyce smiled in gratitude, and then focused on the burning white candle on the table. She didn't know what was going to happen, but it had something to do with that candle. Buffy squeezed her hand comfortingly, and Joyce squeezed back. Joyce hoped she was ready for anything. She knew her line -- now she just had to remember when to say it.   
  
At the head of the table, Jenny began to chant. The words were familiar to Joyce on some instinctive, primitive level, but her mind didn't understand them. Then Jenny said the cue line. "May the North Winds beat down in fury and destroy the abandoned soul with whirling might."   
  
Then it was Buffy's turn. "May the South Winds bake and burn the soul out of its foreign host."   
  
Then Joyce. Her voice trembled as she hurried through the scripted line she'd been given. "May the East Winds send the unnatural thief back into beyond."   
  
And Amy finished with, "May the West Winds bind the spirit from ever reinhabiting said host forever."   
  
There was a bright flash of light and the candle flame roared and grew unnaturally huge for a split second. Joyce could feel the magic flowing around her. Suddenly the noise and light all combined into one wave which poured into a surprised Buffy. Joyce felt a shock through their joined hands as massive amounts of power flowed through her daughter.   
  
"What's going on?" Joyce demanded, looking at Jenny. The senior witch watched Buffy with a calm demeanor.   
  
"It will be fine," Jenny reassured her. "The spell was calibrated for the Nigel body, so when Nathan showed up in Angel, I had to rework things. There wasn't enough time for a whole new spell. I had to use the link between the Slayers to get the magic there. Keep concentrating."   
  
The light finally vanished, and Buffy looked mostly all right, though woozy. She shut her eyes and whispered, "It went through me to Sonya..."   
  
"Did it finish?" Jenny demanded. "Did it go through Sonya to Nathan?"   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
The searing pain from his leg almost sent Oz back into unconsciousness, but he knew he couldn't let that happen. He had to be alert in case Sonya needed help. There was no other choice.   
  
Bringing all of his vaunted control to bear, Oz pushed back the pain a little bit at a time, until it was locked in a manageable corner of his mind. Then he opened his eyes.   
  
Sonya and Angel were locked in a lurid embrace of magic and hatred, surrounded by flares of pink lightening. And then their joined hands began to glow. Suddenly they were both enveloped in a white/purple light. A smaller bit of power, black in color, then flew out of Angel, only to be trapped by the violet-hued power. The black was extinguished by the violet.   
  
From the room in the back where Oz supposed Nathan's former body to be there was a horrible scream, echoed by Angel and Sonya. Their hands came apart and the Orb of Kessla crashed to the floor, breaking into a million rose-colored pieces. Then the power vanished as suddenly as it had come, and Angel and Sonya's bodies crashed to the floor.   
  
With his arms and his one good leg, Oz began to push and pull himself to their sides, through the debris from the shattered orb.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
With the spell over, the four women released hands. Joyce hurried over to Buffy, who sat with her eyes closed. Suddenly, Buffy jerked several times, and then she opened her eyes. Clutching her mother's hand, Buffy looked at Jenny.   
  
"Sonya passed out. I think the power went through her to him, but I'm not sure. She was unconscious before I could see."   
  
"We have to go there," Jenny said decisively. She began grabbing a few things and stuffing them in her bag, just in case. Amy helped her.   
  
"I'll drive," Joyce said when they were done. Joyce and the two witches helped the still-shaky Buffy out to the van and they all piled in. Soon Joyce was zooming toward the medical clinic at twice the legal speed limit.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"How is he?" Hannah asked when Nurse Esther came back from checking on the recently tranquilized Mr. Harris.   
  
Esther looked puzzled. "Mostly fine, but not quite normal."   
  
"What's wrong?"   
  
"For awhile, he reacted normally," Esther explained, "but then, just a few minutes ago, his vitals really started taking off. They aren't dangerous, but they are unusually high for someone under the effects of that tranquilizer we gave him. We've got to watch him carefully, and make sure he doesn't have a bad reaction."   
  
"Yes, ma'am," Hannah replied, making a note of it on Mr. Harris's chart.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Xander didn't know where he was. Everything was dark. It felt like he was floating. Something held him. Something hard and unyielding. Then there was a big flash, a blinding flash, and the thing was gone. He was free. He was himself again, completely and fully. But he was still in the dark. He still could not wake up.   
  
"Buffy!" he cried, but whether it was with his mouth or his soul, who could say. But somehow he knew something was going on, and that Buffy needed him. She was hurting, and he had to find her.   
  
Xander began to swim, up and up. Eventually he would have to come out, right? 


	17. Chapter 16

In the Space of Desire  
Chapter Sixteen   
  
The Medical Clinic   
  
Somehow Joyce got them to the clinic in one piece. As her mother skidded to a stop in the nearly empty parking lot, Buffy filed the moment away to use the next time Joyce accused Buffy of being a bad driver.   
  
As soon as the van stopped moving, the sliding door opened and Jenny and Amy piled out at a run. Buffy and Joyce followed more slowly because of Buffy's weakness, but with no less of a sense of urgency.   
  
But as her mother helped her through the parking lot, Buffy realized something and shook off her mother's hands. Joyce looked at Buffy worriedly.   
  
"Don't worry, Mom," Buffy said. "I think the spell worked. I'm feeling stronger again already. Well, not actually strong, but I don't feel sick anymore."   
  
Pausing at the front door, Joyce put a hand to her daughter's forehead. "You aren't running a fever anymore. That's the first time all day."   
  
"Which is good," Buffy said, pulling open the door, "but we've got wounded people in there."   
  
The last two women hurried in to see a room full of chaos. Shards of glass, broken pottery and dirt covered the floor. And there were three motionless bodies. Jenny was crouched by Angel, examining him magically for any leftover trace of the Nathan soul. Amy hunched by Oz and Sonya, and Buffy ran over to join them. Only Joyce noticed the other body, hidden in the corner.   
  
Kneeling next to the forgotten victim, Joyce touched his head and whispered, "Mr. Giles? Can you hear me?"   
  
His glasses were broken, and there were bloody cuts all over him. Joyce ran her fingers over his scalp and was relieved that nothing there seemed to be broken. His right wrist was swelling up like a balloon, though. Then his eyes fluttered behind the cracked lenses, and he groaned.   
  
"Mr. Giles?" Joyce asked louder. "How do you feel?"   
  
"Bloody horrible," he muttered, opening his eyes fully.   
  
Despite her earlier anger toward the man, Joyce breathed a sigh of relief. "Do you think anything's broken?"   
  
"I... I'm not sure... but I have a spitting headache, and I... honestly... I'm not quite sure how I got here. The memories are hazy." He paused and then seemed to take in the surroundings. "Where's Buffy? Where are Sonya and Xander?"   
  
Joyce felt the lingering traces of her anger vanish. This was the man she'd like to think had control over her daughter's night-time life. "Buffy's fine... or she will be soon."   
  
Giles gasped, and the sharp movement of his chest made him wince.   
  
"Be careful," Joyce cautioned. "You might have internal injuries." She looked over at the others. "We need to call an ambulance."   
  
"Already done," Amy replied through the window to the front desk. "They're on their way."   
  
A panicked grasp on her hand made Joyce look back down at Giles. "I remember... vaguely... what I did. Buffy..."   
  
The thought made Joyce frown a little. "You hurt her a lot."   
  
Giles closed his eyes in pain -- this time inner pain. "I should never have..."   
  
"You couldn't have known."   
  
Joyce and Giles looked up to see Buffy standing over them. Her face was drawn, but no longer had the wan, weak cast that had covered it all day. She continued, "You were too wacked out by the spell for us to tell you, but it was Sonya's doctor and those treatments. They were making her heart's desires come true."   
  
"Then she wanted me to be her... father?" Giles surmised with a wheeze as his ribs ground together.   
  
Buffy shrugged. "That's the working theory. You'll have to ask her." Then she turned and walked back to the others.   
  
"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" Giles' gaze followed Buffy's retreating form.   
  
Joyce sighed. "I don't know what Buffy's going to do about anything. She's been hurt more these past few days than ever before in her whole life. And that's saying something. But I have faith in her. If anyone can get over this, she can."   
  
Giles sank back to the floor from his half-raised position. "I hope you're right."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Leaving Giles to the care of her mother, Buffy turned and walked back over to Jenny, Oz, Sonya and Angel. Neither Angel nor Sonya had so much as twitched.   
  
"We can't let them take Angel," Buffy reminded Jenny. "The paramedics, I mean."   
  
"You're right." Jenny looked up from her examination of Nathan's last host. "And we can't let them take Sonya, either."   
  
"What do you mean?" Buffy demanded. "I saw Nathan smack her up against that wall. She's got a concussion at best. She needs serious medical help."   
  
"No she doesn't, Buffy." Jenny touched Sonya's head gently.   
  
Oz glared at Jenny. "She needs help!" He swayed a little from his own pain, and Amy came to crouch beside him, helping him to stay seated upright.   
  
"You need help," Jenny said calmly. "And Mr. Giles needs help. But all Sonya's injuries have disappeared."   
  
Buffy, Oz and Amy moved in closer to verify the senior witch's statement.   
  
"It's true," Amy breathed in wonder. "There's not a scratch, or a drop of blood on her. Do you think it's some kind of after effect of the spell?"   
  
"I don't know," Jenny admitted. "Sending the spell through the link was unplanned. I didn't know what kind of side effects it would have. I didn't expect anything like this. I need the chance to examine her, and Angel more thoroughly."   
  
The sound of ambulance sirens became audible in the distance. Jenny looked up at Buffy, waiting to see the Slayer's reaction.   
  
Buffy nodded. "All right, Jenny. You take Sonya into the back room, and I'll take Angel. Amy, help me. Let's get this done before the paramedics get in here."   
  
Working together, the three women got Sonya and Angel into the room where the Nigel body lay unconscious as well. Then they came back out, closing the door behind them.   
  
"We can't let them in here," Jenny said. "And we can't all go to the hospital."   
  
Buffy agreed, and then she looked around the room. "Mom, Amy, can you go with Oz and Giles?"   
  
Joyce and Amy nodded.   
  
"I'll need your car keys," Jenny told Joyce. "So we can get Sonya and Angel out of here as soon as the paramedics are gone."   
  
Joyce had just thrown Jenny the requested item, when the sirens were right on top of them and suddenly paramedics with stretchers and loud voices flooded into the clinic. Giles was strapped onto a stretcher and loaded on to the first ambulance fairly quickly. Joyce rode along with him. The second team took Oz.   
  
"Are you going to Sunnydale Memorial?" Jenny asked.   
  
"Yeah," the paramedic replied, as his partner checked Oz's vital signs.   
  
They were just about to roll him out when Oz grabbed Buffy's arm. Buffy looked down.   
  
"Make sure you..." Oz started. Then he paused with a glance at the paramedic who was listening to every word they said. "... because no one else will."   
  
Buffy nodded in complete understanding. "I will. Don't worry."   
  
Oz relaxed down onto the stretcher and let the paramedics wheel him out to the second ambulance with no more protests.   
  
"See you at the hospital," Amy said with a tired smile, as she turned to follow.   
  
"Hey, Amy?" Buffy called softly.   
  
But Amy heard and turned around. "Yeah?"   
  
"Check on Xander for me, will you?"   
  
"I will," Amy nodded. "Don't worry." Then they were all gone, leaving Jenny and Buffy alone with three unconscious bodies.   
  
Buffy looked at Jenny. "We should take them back to my house. Come on. If we work together we can get them in the van faster."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
It took much lugging, but eventually Jenny and Buffy got Sonya, Angel and Nigel from the clinic to the Summers' house. They put Sonya on the living room couch, and Angel on the floor with a throw pillow under his head. They planned to lock Nigel in the upstairs guestroom, just in case he woke up more evil than they were expecting.   
  
But he surprised them by opening his eyes just as they laid him on the bed. Shocked, Buffy grabbed the nearest thing that might pass for a weapon -- the bedside lamp -- and clutched it in hands starting to slowly regain their Slayer-strength.   
  
"Nathan," she muttered through gritted teeth, "if that's still you, I'm going to make you pay for what you did to my friends."   
  
The dark haired man stared at them for a few seconds. When he finally answered, his voice came out purely British as opposed to the unplaceable accent it had previously. "The evil one is gone. I am Nigel Goring again, completely."   
  
The blunt statement took Buffy by surprise. "Well... how do we know that for sure?"   
  
"Having watched everything *he* did with my body for the last five years, I understand your uncertainty," Nigel replied, fairly calmly for the circumstances. "I will undergo whatever test you think necessary as I do not want that horror inflicted on the world ever again. But first might I phone my wife and child in England? It's been too long since they heard from me."   
  
Jenny stepped forward, holding a shard of the shattered Orb of Kessla. "The test is simple. Just hold this. It's too weak to do anything by itself, but if the rogue spirit is within you, the shard will glow."   
  
Slowly, Nigel reached out a hand and plucked the pink shard from her fingers. He held it firmly in both hands. They all three squinted at the shard, but there was no glow.   
  
Jenny breathed a deep sigh of relief. "I'm so glad! When Nathan moved from Nigel to Angel, I was afraid that when Angel grabbed the orb, the soul would retreat into its familiar host. There must not have been time."   
  
Nigel looked at them for a minute, and Buffy shivered, remembering those eyes lingering over her strapped to a table beneath a huge knife. From his sigh, Buffy thought Nigel was remembering the same thing. The man stood.   
  
"Wait!" Jenny protested. "What about after-effects of all the spells and the possession? And you don't have any money, or a passport."   
  
"The only good thing about knowing what I did when *he* was in control of my body is that I know where his secret provisions are hidden. I will be fine." Nigel walked out of the bed room, and Buffy and Jenny trailed behind him down the stairs. He paused at the front door and looked back. "Thank you for freeing me from my prison. If any of you ever need anything of me, it's yours. I owe you my life." His black gaze slid to the two unconscious forms in the living room. "And tell them all, for what it's worth, that I'm sorry for what he did."   
  
And then he was gone. Bemusedly, Buffy and Jenny walked into the living room.   
  
"We'd better test these guys with the shard, too," Buffy said, glancing at Angel and Sonya. "I mean, if the spell didn't destroy Nathan's soul, and it's not in Nigel, it could have gone into either one of them."   
  
Jenny started to reply but was distracted by a movement on the floor. Both women turned to look at Angel as his eyes fluttered open.   
  
"Angel?" Buffy asked suspiciously. "Are you... you again?"   
  
Angel groaned and rubbed the back of his head as he sat up. "Yeah... it's me."   
  
"Are you sure?" Buffy crouched beside him and stared into his eyes. She was met by a gaze that bespoke countless years of guilt and pain. "Yeah," she muttered, "it's you."   
  
Jenny walked over and placed the shard in his fingers. It confirmed the amateur diagnosis. It didn't glow. Together Jenny and Buffy helped Angel to his feet.   
  
"How do you feel?" Jenny asked. "Do you remember what happened?"   
  
"Having my body possessed by an insane sorcerer who wanted Sonya for his love slave and then throwing all my friends against walls? Yeah, I remember..."   
  
"How do you feel?" Jenny asked, as if doctoring a vampire were something she did every day.   
  
Angel ran through a mental check list and flexed his arms and legs, then he said, "All right, considering."   
  
"Good," Jenny replied, giving him a contemplative look.   
  
"How are the others?" Angel asked.   
  
"Oz and Giles are in the hospital," Buffy told him sadly. "But on the plus side, Sonya seems to be fine."   
  
Angel's expression flickered with pain as the images of Oz and Giles hitting the walls replayed themselves in his mind. Yet another thing for him to feel guilty about.   
  
"You know," Buffy said, touching his arm hesitantly, "no one blames you..."   
  
"But I blame myself," Angel replied softly.   
  
"Quit with the ego-centric melodramatic crap, Angel. It's getting old."   
  
They all turned at the unexpected voice, and saw Sonya struggling to a sitting position on the couch. "Besides, if you aren't careful, your face will stick that way for the rest of your life, and for you, that's a LONG time to look broody."   
  
Angel let out a bark of surprised laughter as Jenny and Buffy ran toward the couch. They froze in place when Sonya reached the sitting position and started to pull herself to her feet.   
  
"Sonya... you're... but... how..." Buffy stammered.   
  
Sonya looked down at herself, amazed. For once the sharp-tongued girl had no witty remark. She said quietly, "I have absolutely no idea." Then a pained expression crossed her face. "The spell didn't work did it? Nathan's still alive."   
  
Jenny walked over and placed the shard in Sonya's hands. It didn't glow. "The spell worked," she said confidently. "Nathan is gone."   
  
"But what about Giles and Oz?" Angel asked. "Could the spirit have possessed them?"   
  
"Highly unlikely," Jenny replied. "They were too far away at the time. Of course we'll test them when we get to the hospital, but I'm certain that the results will be negative. The spell worked!"   
  
"It's the pills then, isn't it?" Sonya decided, her outburst bringing them back to the topic at hand. "They still haven't worked their way out of my system."   
  
"Do you have complete feeling in your legs?" Jenny asked.   
  
Sonya nodded, shifting her weight to first one leg and then the other. "They feel fine. Perfect even." She slid a glance toward Buffy. "But I can tell that the Slayer powers are gone. You're getting them back, right?"   
  
Buffy nodded. "Slowly but surely."   
  
"Good." Sonya flashed Buffy a quick smile, which Buffy returned.   
  
Then Jenny took Sonya's arm. "Come with me. It's going to take something more than a shard of orb to tell us what's going on here."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
"... so I did a comprehensive magical scan on Sonya, and it turns out that because she was in contact with Angel when the Nathan soul was destroyed, all of his power went into her."   
  
Everyone in the curtained-off emergency room cubical (Giles and Oz -- who'd been tested with the shard and found to be completely themselves -- in their beds; Joyce and Amy in rickety chairs by the bedsides; and Angel, Jenny, Buffy and Sonya standing by the ends of the beds) stared at Jenny during the witch's concise explanation. Sonya, Angel and Buffy had, of course, heard it all before, but it was just as riveting and unbelievable the second and third times.   
  
"How long will it last?" Giles asked with a worried look.   
  
Jenny sighed. "I must admit, I don't know that. It could last forever, or something could happen to dislodge it. Anything is possible. Something like this has never happened before."   
  
Joyce raised a hesitant hand like a student confused by the trigonometry homework. "Um... does that mean Sonya is a witch now, too?"   
  
Jenny smiled at Joyce, doing her best to make the older woman feel at ease. "No, or at least it doesn't seem that way at this point. When the powers took residence in her, it seems that they began healing her -- perhaps because all the magic in her system already was doing the same thing. This showed up in her lack of injuries from the fight. Then the bulk of the powers settled at the base of her spine, and they are keeping her nerve endings functional. With so much involved in keeping Sonya walking, I doubt she will ever have access to these powers in a casting sort of way -- though, of course, you never know. Anything could happen."   
  
"There is one fringe benefit, though," Sonya said with a slight smile. "I mean besides the walking." She pulled a Swiss army knife out of her pocket, flipped up the blade and sliced open her palm. Those who hadn't seen this before flinched, and then watched in amazement as her skin sealed up before their eyes.   
  
"Did it hurt?" Amy asked, wonderingly.   
  
Sonya nodded. "Yeah... but knowing that it will heal sort of makes the pain not matter so much."   
  
"Well, not that it hasn't been fun, guys, but I've really got to go." Jenny glanced at her watch, noted the insanely late hour and sighed. "Not only am I already behind on my beauty rest, but I never finished grading the tests I'm supposed to hand back tomorrow."   
  
Buffy grinned. "You can keep mine. I don't mind."   
  
"Thanks, Buffy," Jenny said sarcastically. "The weight has been lifted." She turned to go, and then looked at Amy. "Amy, would you mind walking me out? There was something I wanted to ask you." Amy nodded, and the two women started out the door.   
  
"Amy!" Buffy called. The other girl stopped and waited for Buffy get to her side. Buffy asked her question quickly, not sure if she wanted to know the answer. "What did you find out about... you know?"   
  
"Xander's doing all right," Amy answered. "He's up on the second floor. The nurses are very optimistic about his recovery, but they had to tranquilize him, and they weren't sure when he'll wake up."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Apparently he woke up too soon and wanted to go running off after some girl."   
  
"Oh." Buffy slid a sad glance toward Sonya.   
  
"No," Amy corrected her assumption. "They said he said, 'Buffy.'"   
  
"Really?"   
  
"Yes, really."   
  
Buffy smiled for a second, and then gave Amy a quick hug. "Thanks, now go on. Ms. Calendar's waiting." Buffy turned to go back into the room, and came face-to-face with Angel. He was staring at her with his deep, soulful, brooding eyes, but now there was something more personal in them. Something directed at her. Buffy returned the stare for a few moments, knowing that if she just looked hard enough and long enough she could figure it out. Then she purposefully looked away and walked past him into the room. She didn't really want to know. A few steps inside, she turned and looked back. Angel was gone.   
  
"Guys?"   
  
Buffy's attention snapped over to Oz on his hospital bed. "What's wrong?"   
  
"I really have to pee."   
  
"Here." Joyce handed Oz a big plastic thing with tubes on it. Buffy surmised it was a pee in bed type of things. (Only boys can do that...) she thought with a small smile.   
  
Oz shook his head. "No. I can't use that."   
  
"You want to go down the hall?" Buffy asked, mentally cringing as she remembered from personal experience how hard that was. But Oz would not be swayed, so soon Buffy and Joyce, as the experienced members of the group in caring for broken legs, were helping Oz into the wheelchair provided by the hospital.   
  
"Can I help?" Sonya asked.   
  
Oz darted a glance at her, and then at Giles, then shook his head. "No, we're good."   
  
"Are you sure?" Sonya tried again, but he was sure, and soon enough she found herself alone with Giles. She stared at her shoes uncomfortably, not sure how to be with him after desires she hadn't even known she possessed had caused this to happen to him. "Um... so... how are you feeling?"   
  
"Better than I look, now that the drugs the obliging doctor gave me are kicking in."   
  
At the odd occurrence of Giles making a joke, Sonya was shocked into looking up and meeting his eyes. They were kind and smiling.   
  
That look made Sonya break down in tears -- something she never, ever did. But there she was sobbing. "I'm so, so sorry, Giles! I didn't know! But it's all my fault. I'm so sorry!"   
  
"Come here." The command was both loving and firm. She had no choice than to obey. She sat down in the chair by his side, and he pulled her against his shoulder. He murmured comforting words as she cried -- it was her first real cry, her first real release since everything had started happening. When the storm passed, Sonya sat up again, feeling a lot better.   
  
"Thanks," she said shyly.   
  
"No thanks needed," Giles replied. "Sonya, I know I never say this. I'm no good at emotions, but I want you to know this..."   
  
"You don't have to..."   
  
"Yes, I do." He cleared his throat nervously, and then continued. "Technically, you may only be my ward, but you're like a daughter to me. I may never say it, but I love you."   
  
Tears began to fall from her eyes again, but this time they were happy tears. "I love you, too, Giles. And I couldn't want a better father figure. You know that the one I had was... less than perfect. But you make up for that."   
  
"Don't give me too much credit," Giles said with a small smile. But he did know her past, and he felt a sense of gratitude and relief that he could be there for her, and that at least one thing in this whole sordid mess had worked out to her advantage. Sonya stood, and he amended that thought to two things. "Going?"   
  
She nodded. "Now that you and I have talked, it's time that I go face up to someone else."   
  
Giles looked at her in understanding. "You, go. But come back when you're done."   
  
"Always." She smiled, and then walked out of the room.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Angel couldn't stand being in the cubical any longer after Buffy turned from him and walked away. Xander had hit the nail on the head, as it were, the night before when he accused Angel of being in love with Buffy. The vampire had been in love with her since the first moment he'd laid eyes on her on the day of her accident. Of course, he knew the feeling wasn't mutual, but he dealt. Just like he dealt with everything. But right now, he didn't feel like dealing.   
  
Instead he walked up to the second floor, and from there is was surprisingly easy to find the room he was looking for. He stepped in and saw Xander laying in bed, his eyes closed, hooked up to an IV by one arm. The boy's face was as pale as the pillow under his head, looking odd contrasted against his dark hair and eyebrows.   
  
Angel wondered when Xander would wake up. He wanted to talk to his "little brother." He wanted to make sure they didn't leave things the way they had been left for the past day or so any longer than they had to.   
  
Of course, Angel had thought of the idea that if Buffy could never forgive Xander that maybe she could find feelings for her vampire admirer, but Angel didn't really want that. Now that he know what had really been behind Xander's actions, Angel knew he couldn't stand in their way. But he also wanted to make sure that he didn't lose a friend out of it.   
  
After a moment or two, Angel turned to go, deciding he would come back the next night. A croak from the bed stopped him.   
  
"Where ya going, Deadboy?"   
  
"Xander!" Angel said, quickly turning around and walking to the bedside, glad to see the boy's eyes open. "How do you feel?"   
  
"Thirsty."   
  
Angel poured Xander a cup of water from the pitcher by the bed, and Xander drank it greedily.   
  
"Ah... that's better."   
  
"So, no lasting damage?"   
  
"I don't think so."   
  
"And you're... well... you again?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"Do you remember..."   
  
"Dumping the love of my life and then trying to rape my best friend? In Technicolor."   
  
Angel felt a weird sense of deja vu -- he'd been through this before, only now he was the consoling one instead of the brooding one.   
  
"It was Nathan, that sorcerer from the Order of Taraka, in the guise of Dr. Keller. It wasn't your fault."   
  
"I know that," Xander said sadly, "but that doesn't mean I won't have to live with the consequences." He paused and coughed, then looked up at Angel. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you."   
  
"Forgotten."   
  
"That easily?"   
  
"That easily."   
  
Xander squinted up at Angel. "At the time I was only trying to make you mad, but now that I think about it, you do have feelings for Buffy, don't you?"   
  
Angel thought about lying, but dismissed it. He owed Xander more than that. "I love her."   
  
Xander looked slightly taken aback at the bluntness of the statement. "Then why didn't you...?"   
  
"Try and take her from you?" Angel's voice was sad. "Buffy loves you. There's nothing I can do about that, and I want you and her to be happy."   
  
"She doesn't love me anymore... I... or Nathan... made sure of that." Xander seemed to forget about Angel's revelation as he delved back into his own personal plight.   
  
"Love doesn't work that way, Xander," Angel replied. "If she really loved you, then she still does. Though it may take awhile for you and her to find that again."   
  
Xander sank back against his pillows with a tired sigh. "I sure hope so."   
  
Angel flashed the boy a smile. "I'm going to go home. Call if you need me."   
  
"Thanks, man," Xander replied.   
  
"Any time."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Sonya walked up to the second floor with slow, reluctant steps. She didn't want to do this, but she knew she had to. When she exited the stairwell, Angel was just entering it.   
  
"He's awake," Angel told her quietly. "But tired. Be careful with him."   
  
"Thanks," Sonya replied, her nervousness jumping up a few degrees. "I will."   
  
The closer she got to his room, the slower she walked. A hand touched her shoulder. She looked around to find Buffy walking behind her. They stopped a few yards away from the door in question.   
  
"You can go in first, if you want..." Sonya offered.   
  
Buffy shook her head. "When I got up here, I realized I'm not ready yet. You go on. I'm going to walk down to the soda machine, get a Coke, and build up my nerve."   
  
The girls stood there for a second, looking at each other, both remembering what it was like to be almost one. It was an odd feeling. Then Buffy turned and walked away.   
  
Sonya took a deep breath and then quickly walked into his room. Xander was in bed, looking better than he had the last time she'd seen him, covered with books. She was also glad to note the absence of that crazed gleam in his eyes.   
  
"Hey," she said, softly.   
  
"Hello." His tone was clipped, and after the first glance, he didn't look at her.   
  
Her stomach churned with nervousness. "Umm... how do you feel?"   
  
"From when you threw me up against the wall? Better now!"   
  
"Hey!" Sonya protested, taking offense at his angry tone. "I'm not the only one who was wrong in that situation. Some people should learn to take no for an answer!"   
  
"You know good and well that wasn't me!" Xander looked at her, and Sonya flinched from the anger in his eyes.   
  
But she couldn't just let that go unanswered. "Then you also know *good and well* that I didn't do it on purpose!" Sonya paused for a minute, and tried to get ahold of herself. This was not how this was supposed to go. "Look, Xander, I came up here to apologize."   
  
He didn't say anything, so she continued, "I know we've both got some stuff to get over, but... you're my best friend, and I hope that we can get that back."   
  
When Xander answered, his voice had lost its rage, but it was still cold. "Sonya, there is a part of me that still cares about you, but I just can't deal with all this right now. Talking to you just makes me remember all the stuff I did, stuff that other people won't be able to forgive."   
  
"Stuff with Buffy," Sonya guessed unhappily.   
  
"A lot of it, yeah."   
  
"Well, I hope she treats you better than you're treating me," Sonya replied, and with that she turned and ran out of the room.   
  
"Wait! I shouldn't have... Damn!" Xander realized it was too late. He'd let his anger get the better of him, and there was no way he could chase her down. He sighed. Not that he would know what to say if he caught her anyway. He was still so mad at the whole situation and the wreck it had made of his life. He knew intellectually that it wasn't her fault, but since when does the intellect rule the emotions? He sighed again, deeper, as he realized Buffy would likely feel much the same way.   
  
"Hi, Xander."   
  
For a second he thought he was dreaming. It was as if his thoughts had summoned her up from nowhere. Buffy stood in the doorway, halloed by the hallway's fluorescent light.   
  
"Hi, Buffy," Xander managed. "Do you want to... uh... come in?" 


	18. Chapter 17

In the Space of Desire  
Chapter Seventeen   
  
The Hospital   
  
At Xander's hesitant invitation, Buffy slowly walked into his hospital room. She looked at him, really looked at him. He was there somewhere, her Xander, wasn't he? She couldn't think of anything to say.   
  
Xander stared at Buffy in return. There were so many words on the tip of his tongue, but none of them wanted to come out: I'm sorry, forgive me, I love you... please?   
  
The door swung shut as Buffy made her way into the room. She hesitated when she got as far as the bed. Should she sit or stand? Xander noticed her hesitation, and scooted his legs over just a bit, to give her room if she chose to sit down. She chose to, and perched uneasily on the edge of the hospital bed, her back millimeters away from the edge of his legs, her arm resting on the bars on the side of the bed. She turned her head and looked at him again. He looked back.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Oz sat in the wheelchair in the middle of the hall just watching the passers by. Joyce had gone to get a cup of coffee, and Buffy had gone, he surmised, to face Xander. Oz sat and watched, getting the feel of the chair. It was awkward, unwieldy. His leg, enveloped in a new cast, stuck out in front of him like a new appendage he hadn't quite got the hang of yet. He wondered if Sonya and Buffy had felt this was at first, so odd, so out of place. The passing medical professionals didn't give him a second look except to wonder what he was doing out of his cubical -- the were too busy with real emergencies, even at such a late hour. The mortality rate never stops in Sunnydale. Passing patients, however, either refused to meet his eye, or gave him glances full of pity.   
  
A door across the hall crashed open, distracting Oz from his musings. Sonya ran out, sobbing. Oz wanted to grab her, but he couldn't, so instead he called her name.   
  
Hearing her name, brought Sonya out of her inner world of pain for just a minute -- long enough for her to see Oz sitting there. She turned and walked slowly toward him, wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her shirt.   
  
"What happened?" Oz asked. It was all he needed to say.   
  
Sonya crouched next to him, and with no more provocation related the whole story of what had happened with Xander. His rejection, her guilt, her anger, lingering worries about Giles and Buffy, pain over everything that had happened... it all came out in a flood of words. Oz just listened quietly.   
  
When she finally finished, Sonya looked up at him. "So now I don't know what to do. My life is one horrible, complete mess, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. Damn Nathan and his damn treatments, and damn me for wanting them so badly."   
  
"No, not damn you!" He spoke calmly, but forcefully. "No one can blame you for going to see Dr. Keller. We all wanted you to. And in the long run, it sort of worked... you are walking now."   
  
"But for how long?" Sonya muttered. "Ms. Calendar said the power could vanish at any time. Then I'm back in the chair again, forever."   
  
"Does a possible future event really matter?"   
  
Sonya paused and thought about that for a minute. "You're right, Oz! I shouldn't worry about that. I mean, at least I've got this time, right? No matter how long it is. Most people in my position never get their legs back at all."   
  
"Live one day at a time, that's my motto," Oz confided.   
  
Her face fell again. "But everyone still hates me."   
  
"Exaggeration much?"   
  
Sonya met his gaze again and blushed. "Well, you don't. And Giles doesn't."   
  
"Buffy, Ms. Calendar, Angel... even Amy, mostly. The list is longer than you think."   
  
"But Xander hates me."   
  
"Then Xander is a fool."   
  
At those decisive words, Sonya gazed into Oz's face, trying to glean some hint of emotion. But she couldn't tell... there was something there, but she just couldn't put her finger on it.   
  
Something had been bothering Sonya for a long time. She finally decided to put it into words. "Oz, I'm sorry. Not just for anything that the spell did to you, and your injuries which wouldn't have happened if I hadn't gotten involved with Nathan, but for the way I treated you that day at the fountain. You were only trying to help, and I was so mean to you..."   
  
"It's forgotten."   
  
Sonya looked at Oz in amazement. "Just like that?"   
  
"Just like that."   
  
They stayed there together for a minute in silence, watching the people, and then Oz asked for a favor. "Sonya, would you mind helping me back to bed? I'm kind of tired, and I don't quite have the hang of this thing yet." He touched the arms of the wheelchair.   
  
Sonya grinned. "Sure." Grabbing the handles of the chair, she started pushing him back in the direction of his cubical. "If you want, I can give you lessons. It will be a little while before you graduate to crutches, I'm sure."   
  
"Thanks. I always say, learn from an expert."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
The silence in Xander's room was deafening. Finally, Buffy asked the obvious question, for lack of any better ideas. "So... how are you feeling?"   
  
"Weak, stupid, foolish, guilty, angry..." Xander's voice trailed off as he looked at her.   
  
"I saw Sonya run out of here, crying," Buffy stated, staring down at her shoes -- a pair of cute, lime green sneakers, perfect for running and slaying.   
  
Xander sighed. "I handled that badly, but I just wasn't ready to deal with it yet. I need more time. I hope she'll eventually understand." The parallels of the situations were obvious, so he finally asked the question that was hanging between them. "How are you, Buffy? Do you need more time? Can we get past this?"   
  
Buffy looked at him, her heart in her eyes. "I don't know."   
  
He reached over and took her hand in his. "I'm so sorry, for everything. I remember it all, and every time I think about it I want to die."   
  
Buffy snatched her hand back and jumped off the bed. "I'm sorry, Xander. I know that it wasn't your fault, that you weren't in control of yourself, but when you touch me all I can think of is your hands all over Sonya, and those hurtful things you said keep repeating themselves in my ears. I don't think I can do this." She turned toward the door.   
  
"Wait!" Xander cried desperately, moving into a sitting position. "Don't go, Buffy! I love you so much... I love you with every breath I take, with every heartbeat! Even if what happened with Sonya hadn't been magically induced, it would have been nothing -- straight lust. You are the one for me -- the other half of myself. Please..." He didn't know what else he could say, but at least she had stopped walking away.   
  
Buffy turned slowly and looked at Xander. The tears falling down her own cheeks were echoed on his face. "I love you that way, too, Xander," she admitted, walking back toward the bed. "And I forgive you for what you did -- that's the easy part. The hard part is forgetting, is getting those horrible pictures out of my mind whenever I look at you."   
  
Xander knew he was crying, too, but he didn't care about a lack of manliness. "What can I do, Buffy? How can I make that happen? I'll do anything you say."   
  
She took his large hand in her two smaller ones and held it up to her damp cheek. "I don't know, Xander. It's going to take some time for us to figure this out."   
  
"Time? I can handle that!" He jumped eagerly at the bone.   
  
Buffy leaned in, kissed him on the cheek and then gave him his hand back. She started walking toward the door. "I'm going home now. I'm very, very tired."   
  
"OK." He didn't want her to go, but he didn't really have a choice. "Will you... be back?"   
  
She turned and gazed into his eyes for a long moment. Then she said, "Yes, I'll be back."   
  
Xander gave her a mild copy of his quirky grin. "Then I'll wait. Forever if I have to."   
  
Buffy gave him a small smile that seemed to him to say 'Good... then we'll eventually find each other again,' but she didn't say anything aloud. And then the door swung shut behind her.   
  
"I love you, Buffy Summers," Xander whispered to the place where she had been.   
  
Out in the hall, Buffy touched the door for a minute, and murmured, "I love you, Xander Harris." Then she walked away. 


	19. Epilogue

In the Space of Desire  
Epilogue   
  
A Seedy Bar   
  
"You want another glass?"   
  
The dark haired man slouched at the bar nodded almost imperceptibly. "Fill 'er up, lass. I need ta do some forgettin' tonight."   
  
The bartender tucked her shoulder-length brown hair behind her ears and frowned, her hazel eyes full of concern. "Are you sure? You've had a lot to drink already, sir. Maybe you should just call it a night."   
  
The man looked up at her and she was struck by how much sadness filled his blue eyes. "Please just pour me another glass."   
  
She nodded and reached for a nearby bottle, quickly filling up his glass. Then she faced him, asking softly, "Do you want to talk about it.... er...?"   
  
He smiled slightly. "Me name is Doyle. And what might yer name be?"   
  
"Cassie."   
  
"Cassie." He said the name softly, letting it roll off his tongue. "I like it. It suits ye well."   
  
She smiled. "Thanks." Then she laid a hand on his arm and said, "Now are you going to tell me what's bothering you, Doyle? Or do we have to keep making small talk?"   
  
Doyle shrugged. "I've always been good at small talk. Comes from hangin' out at too many pubs, I reckon." He glanced around at the few customers scattered throughout the bar. "Besides, yer needed here. An' I wouldn't wanna distract ya from yer work."   
  
Cassie laughed softly. "It's okay, really. I have a break coming up. And Jennifer's here, too. She'll take care of the others for a while." Cassie walked around the bar and sat down on the stool next to Doyle. "Now, why don't you start at the beginning."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
The next day, Sonya walked down the halls of SHS with her head held high. The other students, used to seeing her in a wheelchair, gave her strange looks filled with curiosity, but she simply ignored them. It wasn't any of their business anyway. As she was walking, she passed by Cordelia and her group of 'Cordettes' lounging by a row of lockers.   
  
She could overhear Cordelia's latest tirade. "...and so my parents are springing for a trip to the Caribbean. It's going to be a blast! Plenty of fun in the sun over Spring Break. Too bad you girls can't say the same thing. But I guess not everyone can be as fortunate as, well, me."   
  
"But isn't two months an awful long time to plan ahead?" one of the Cordettes asked.   
  
Cordelia shrugged, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "You have to buy your tickets in advance if you want first class..."   
  
Sonya rolled her eyes at Cordelia's selfishness and kept walking. Soon she'd reached her destination: the library. She walked through the doors and found the cavernous room empty. She'd expected it, but the library seemed depressing without Giles's lecturing, Xander's ready wit or Oz's comforting presence.   
  
She walked over to the desk muttering, "OK, where would the secretary put the incoming mail. I don't know why Giles had to have me bring it to him in the hospital anyway."   
  
"Because he's a control freak about all his responsibilities?"   
  
Sonya looked around to see Buffy standing there. There was a slight smile on the blonde Slayer's face, but Sonya could also see the same feelings of loneliness as well. Somehow, though the link was no more, it seemed as if they were a little more in synch with each other than ever before.   
  
"What's up?" Sonya asked, as Buffy joined her by the desk.   
  
Buffy sighed. "I'm just going through the day. It's kind of hard to pretend everything is normal after all that happened last night."   
  
"I know... and the severe lack of sleep, too." The girls shared a tentative smile. Then Sonya blurted out the question she'd been longing to ask. "What happened with you and Xander?"   
  
Buffy's face fell a little. "It's still kind of up in the air." She wouldn't say any more than that.   
  
Sonya looked down at the desk, shuffling papers around in a search for the elusive mail. "I guess it's a little late, but I hope it all works out for the best -- however that might be."   
  
"It's not too late," Buffy said. "Thanks."   
  
They were silent for a moment, but before it could become strained, Sonya said, "Buffy, why don't you finish looking here, and I'll check Giles's desk?"   
  
"Sure," Buffy agreed, and started looking for the mail.   
  
Sonya walked into the small office and surveyed the desk. She didn't see a stack of mail, and was about to tell Buffy so, when she noticed a corner of an envelope sticking out from under the desk pad. (The secretary wouldn't have put it here, would she?) Sonya wondered, pulling out the mystery envelope. She soon saw it had already been opened, and she was about to put it back, when she noticed the embossed seal of the Watcher's Council in the return address. Remembering the last thing Giles had said he was reporting to the Council -- the truth about her accident and Buffy's promotion to active Slayer -- Sonya pulled the letter out of the envelope and began to read. What she saw made her gasp.   
  
"Hey, Buffy! Come in here!" she called.   
  
Buffy walked in. "What? I couldn't find the mail..."   
  
"Well, I guess there isn't any new mail, but this old mail kind of takes center stage, wouldn't you agree?" She handed Buffy the letter.   
  
After the other girl read it, they shared a concerned, worried glance. Buffy was the first to speak. "I wonder what's going to happen now?"   
  
Sonya stared at the letter with unseeing eyes. "I guess we're going to England for Spring Break."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
Images pounded through his brain, disjointed and confusing, overlapping each other in a blur of motion as a wave of pure agony passed through him. It was hard to discern one image from the next because they were all coming so fast. Faces flashed by: some familiar, some not. He saw a young blonde girl with a wooden stake in her hand. A dark haired boy standing at her side. An older man with glasses and an uncertain look on his face. A young man with his leg in a cast sitting next to a brunette girl who had eyes that bespoke of more pain than one would think possible in one so young. The boy's arm was wrapped around the brunette's shoulders protectively. And then there was a face he recognized... a man in his early thirties with black hair, wearing a tweed suit. And then an overwhelming sense of danger looming on the horizon. Three young girls, two of which he recognized from the blur of faces that he'd seen just a moment ago and one beauty who was unfamiliar, being held at gunpoint. And something dark that he couldn't see clearly, but that sent chills down his spine nonetheless. And then he knew where he had to go: England. Soon.   
  
Doyle jerked upright in bed, the sheets falling down around his waist. He placed a hand to his head and groaned. "Great, just what ya need, Doyle. Another head pounding', mind numbin' vision 'o doom to make yer life even more complicated 'an confusin' that it already is." He paused in his diatribe, glancing around his darkened room. "An' now, to top it all off, yer talkin' to yerself again."   
  
He sighed, reaching over to grab a shirt off of a nearby chair where he'd dropped it last night. Pulling the soft, cotton garment over his head, he then kicked off the sheets and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The chilly floor felt good against his bare feet.   
  
"Doyle?" came a soft, sleepy voice from behind him. A feminine arm snaked around his waist. "Are you alright?"   
  
"Yeah, luv. Just a little headache is all. Nothin' fer you to worry yerself over."   
  
Cassie sat up and wrapped both of her bare arms around his shoulders, slowly kissing up the side of his neck. Her brown hair was mussed from sleep but her eyes were awake again and sparkling. "Did you have a bad dream?" she whispered, her breath tickling his ear.   
  
"A migraine," he answered. "I'm a wee bit stressed as I found out... uh... earlier today that I've got ta go ta England tomorrow. A friend 'o mine's in trouble." 


End file.
